Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The New Battle Part I

There are two topics that I would like to discuss because the other candidates will not take the time to address.  “Black Friday” and “Pop-Up Ads.”  These need to be addressed because they bother me and they probably bother you as well.  I will cover “Black Friday” today.

Black Friday (The day after Thanksgiving in the United States or the day after Columbus Day in Canada) is traditionally the day that retail stores make a profit for the year as more people shop on that day than on any other day of the year.

It used to be that stores would start decorating for Christmas on Thanksgiving week.  Most stores are fully decorated for Christmas by Halloween and some stores start decorating as soon as the Back-to-School sales period ends.

Once upon a time, Black Friday sales started on Friday.  It started at Noon many years ago,  Than it got moved to 8:00AM, than 6AM, than 5AM, and finally, Midnight.  The retail stores realized that they were running out of Friday to start.  Black Friday started at 8:00PM a few years ago and 6:00PM last year.

It was bad enough having to stay up to get in line for a Black Friday sale in the cold Northeastern nights.  Moving it to Thanksgiving Thursday cuts into very valuable time with the family watching football.

Here is my plan to stop Black Friday Sales during football Thanksgiving:  I will boycott and store that has a Black Friday sale before 6:00AM on Friday.  This boycott will not just be for Black Friday.  It will not be just for the holiday season.  It will be for as long as they insist on ruining the Thanksgivings of their employees and of the loved ones of people who shop on Thursday.

October 21, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, economy, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Canada’s New Plan of Attack

For the last fifty years, Canada’s mode of attack has been to have their spies infiltrate the Great American Entertainment Industry and ruin our last remaining export.  Some of their more infamous spies include William Shatner, Celine Dion, Anne Murray, and Justin Bieber.  The Canadian government has reached a new low with their newest tactic.  It is a complicated plan that hurts not only American citizens, but also their own.

First, Canada drives their prices so high that things become hard to afford in Canada.  Gas is around $5.00/gallon in British Columbia while it’s about $3.80 in Washington State.  Here is a cost-of-living comparison between Vancouver, BC and Seattle, WA.  Canadians know things are less expensive in the United States so they hit American stores en mass and hoard essentials like milk, eggs, and cigarettes before Americans can get to them.

There are two ways to handle this:  Raise the prices of things in Americs so it’s as bad here as in Canada.  This is a bad idea unless you are rich and have a ton of disposable income.  The other plan is to sabotage the Canadian Dollar to the point that it would be virtually worthless in the United States.  That’s why I just came up with a third idea.  He;p the Canadian citizens petition their government.  This will not only make things more affordable for Canadians to shop in Canada, but it will finally put an end to their government’s tampering with American entertainment.

I should mention that no other presidential candidate has even mentioned this as of this posting.  84 shopping days until Election Day.

August 14, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, economy, foreign policy, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Border Fence

I do not understand why it costs so much to build a fence along the border with the US and Mexico.  Government shoppers should learn about bargains at Home Depot and Lowe’s.

September 22, 2011 Posted by | debate, humor, Orlando, satire | , | Comments Off on Border Fence

My New Dog

I finally got myself another dog.  The last dog I had died last April.  The funny thing about the dog I have now is that it is Emma’s son from her only litter which she had a total of nine puppies.  The new dog’s name is Murray and I obtained him because his owners are moving to an apartment where dogs are not allowed.

I am not campaigning today, but if you want to say “Hi”, I will be at the Wal-Mart in Franklin, NJ around 9:30 to buy dog food.  If you don’t want to say Hi, I’ll be at the biker bar at around 2:00PM.

May 29, 2010 Posted by | Personal Life | , , , , | 5 Comments

Christmas Wish List

Christmas is a week from Friday and I should have posted this sooner.  I was hoping to get the things I wanted myslef, but can’t seem to find any of these things.  If you know where to find these things, please let me know.

  • A Rotary-Dial Cell Phone – I prefer rotary dials because many times I have my cell phone in my pocket and the buttons get pressed and dials out.  I end up getting billed for a 25-minute call to Indiana that I did not make.
  • A mp8-Track Player – I am looking for something with the portability of a mp3 player with the coolness that can only be found in 8-track players.
  • A Blender-and-Cooker Combination Bowl – I don’t like to use any more dishes than I have to.  I would like to put two eggs in a blending bowl, scramble them in the bowl, and cook them in the same bowl without pouring the scramble eggs into a frying pan and using the stove.
  • A Christmas Lighter – A lighter whose flame lights up in the same colors as Christmas lights.

I am not asking that anybody buy these for me, I just need to know where I can get these cool things.

December 14, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor | , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Bah Hamburg!

For those people unfamiliar with Hamburg, NJ, it is a small town approximately 10 miles south of the New York/New Jersey border in the western part of New Jersey – near where I currently live.

My slogan, “Bah Hamburg” is a finalist for Hamburg’s contest to get people to shop in Hamburg.  Slogans should be short and attention getting.  One of the slogans I am up against is, “Hamburg – the Pulse of Sussex County!”  That slogan is both long and incorrect.  There are two other finalists, but I haven’t heard their slogans through the grapevine today.

If you happen to be in the small village of Hamburg, NJ this week, shop the stores and tell the store clerks, “Bah Hamburg!”

November 10, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Last 24 Hours

The last 24 hours have been busy between campaign obligations and personal things I needed to get done.  Some of the things took longer than I would have liked.

1:30PM – Went to doctor to get cast removed from ankle from my hiking incident in Colorado in August.  I spent almost three hours in the doctor’s office as the waiting room with ailments ranging from the swine flu and influenza to Simple Chronic Halitosis and epidermis exposure.  I am limping, but that should diminish as I get used to putting weight on my foot again.

4:30 – Headed to the supermarket to get food, chips, and beverages for the football game between the Redskins and the Eagles.  I was stuck behind a woman with 30 items in a “12 Items or Less” lane.  She apparently had tapped all of her credit and debit cards.

7:00 – Gave the Hell’s Angels speech.  I had spent so much time in the doctor’s office and the supermarket that I didn’t have an idea on what to speak about.  Fortunately, I was able to hear some Hell’s Angles member talk about how cold it was here but how hot it still was in Florida.  I came up with the concept of Local Warming.  Local Warming differs from Global Warming in that parts of the country that needs warming would be warmed while other parts would be cooled until a universal temperature is reached.  They were skeptical as to how I was going to do this, although it seemed they liked the idea.  I told them I would look into it and would come back in two months with a viable plan.

9:45 – Got home later than I wanted to.  The Redskins were already losing 17-3.  I gave up on cooking a meal for the game and just munched on chips while washing it down with Mountain Dew.

4:15AM – I found out that my neighbor’s dog gets irritated by the passing of fire trucks.

10:00AM – I found out that Facebook had shut down the “Orgies for Abstinence” event page.  Somebody was “offended.”  I do not know if the person was offended because he or she finds orgies or abstinence offensive or if this person felt slighted because I did not offer a personal invitation.

It’s off to work I go, followed by an evening of relaxation.

October 27, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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