Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Mish-Mash of Stuff

These last few days have (for the most part) been unexpectedly busy.  A sporadic internet connection and an aging laptop didn’t help matters.  It didn’t matter much because I wasn’t home much except to sleep, shower, and the occasional poop.

Sunday – My campaign manager and a few of his friends somehow managed me to go to a Newt Gingrich meetup group in Warwick, NY.  The five of us outnumbered the three who showed up for the Gingrich meetup.  We were able to get one of them to quit supporting Gingrich and support my campaign.  The other two (an elderly couple) accused us of brainwashing their 53-year-old son.  If speaking the truth about Newt Gingrich’s record is brainwashing, then I suppose we were guilty.

Monday – I had a 9:30 business meeting with a client at his office.  I arrived at his office at 9:28 and waited in the waiting area.  There was a lot of commotion past the waiting room, but I couldn’t figure out what was going on.  At 11:00, I was told to return at 3:00.  The meeting did not last long.  The client was informed that I was running for President and told me he was no longer interested in my services.  When asked why, he gave the excuse that he felt my campaign would take away time from the project.  I told him I have been running since 2008 and had no problems with any projects from any of my clients in the past.  He didn’t to hear it and requested that I leave.  I noticed when I was in a parking lot that there was a car in his parking spot with a “Romney 2012” bumper sticker.

Tuesday – I went to the doctor’s for the test results from the previous tests that had to be taken over.  The good news is that I am finally cured from Simple Chronic Halitosis.  The bad news is that I have been diagnosed with COPD (Emphysema).  The doctor said that it was a result of smoking and sniffing glue.  I will never smoke while sniffing glue again.  I have learned my lesson.

Wednesday – Wrote this blog entry and started catching up on lost work.  I should be finished catching up tomorrow.

 

April 25, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, Personal Life, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Maury Moments

A “Maury Moment” is the time spent waiting for test results.  “Test results” and “Lie detector tests” are themes of the Maury Povich show.  The first Maury moment I had was in the summer of 2002 when I would find out that “Ahmnodt the father.”  My daughter was born the following March.

The second moment was a couple weeks ago when I underwent some tests when I suddenly lost weight and became ill.  Those tests were inconclusive and I had to go to Albany on Monday to undergo more tests.

The third Maury moment was yesterday from when my doctor called me and wanted to see him that afternoon.  I was concerned that the urgency of having to meet the doctor could have been a bad thing.  It turns out that urgency was because the doctor was about to take a three-week vacation and didn’t want to leave me hanging all this time.

The good news is that whatever caused me to lose weight and become sick was temporary and my blood tests came back fine.  The bad news is that during the checkup, the doctor noticed that I was having difficulty breathing deeply.  I have to undergo more tests for breathing and a chest x-ray on Wednesday.  The doctor wouldn’t say it, but I think the “Simple Chronic Halitosis” I have been fighting has become “Complex Chronic Halitosis”.  He opted instead to blame it on my smoking.  He also advised I take it easy this weekend.

I will be alone this holiday weekend instead of heading to Washington DC to be with my daughter and my parents.  I will be holding a telepathic campaign rally Monday at 8:00PM Eastern / 5:00PM Pacific.  I am hoping the doctor will allow me to partake in the “Orgies for Abstinence” event this Friday night.  I have given up abstinence for Lent and am withholding my urge to abstain until Friday.

April 7, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, health care, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The New Pandemic

While the entire world has been focused on the Swine Flu, a new pandemic condition has surfaced around the world.  As of the last time data was gathered, over 20,000,000 million Americans were affected with some form of Simple Chronic Halitosis (SCH).  Like the Swine Flu, there are measures one can take to prevent the spread of Simple Chronic Halitosis.

  • Avoid spicy foods and condiments – Avoid anything with onions, garlic, or peppers.  Do not drink coffee.  Do not add ketchup or mustard to food.  These accelerate the bacteria that cause SCH.
  • Do eat minty foods – Foods like Mint flavored ice cream will help kill off SCH bacteria.
  • Use mouthwash and brush your teeth and tongue – Proper oral hygiene is essential in preventing SCH and minimizing its effects if it does attack.

These few simple steps will go a long way in stopping ths spread of Simple Chronic Halitosis.

April 30, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, health care, satire | , , , | 1 Comment

Health Papers Released

FROM THE OFFICE OF DR. SYLVAIN DuLITTLE:

Paitent: Ahmnodt Heare

Date:                                                            Ailment:

10/27/05                                                    Simple Chronic Halitosis

4/29/06                                                       Ring-Around-the-Collar

5/11/06                                                       Penile Discharge

5/18/06                                                       Vaginal Discharge

4/3/07                                                         Diagnosed with ADHD

October 21, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, issues, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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