Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Global Warming, Where Are You?

The more I study the environment. the more I learn how the global warming and climate change theories came to be.  Before I explain my theory, I will throw some facts at you so that you will better understand my conclusions.

The planet is billions of years old.  (or 6,000 – depending on whether you believe in evolution or creationism).  The scientific recording of weather has only been occurring for a couple hundred years.  If you divide the time the Earth has existed by one million equal segments, the time spent recording weather is only one one-hundredth of one segment.  This would be like getting a sample of what Americans are thinking by taking surveys of three people.  This is hardly scientific and has a margin of error of approximately 100 percent.

My theory is that the global warming theory started on a hot July day.  People noticed that it was hotter in July than it was in June, and it was hotter in June than it was in May.  These people told their theories to the common folk, and they came to the same conclusion.

My theory of climate change is that it was first discovered in October.  The same people who discovered global warming in July noticed that October was cooler than September, September was cooler than August, and August was cooler than July.

We know the weather of the last two hundred years from keeping records.  We know that it generally doesn’t snow in July and that it’s hard to get a sunburn in January.  (At least in the northern hemisphere.)  We also know that there was an Ice Age when it snowed year round.  We were able to get out of the Ice Age before the Industrial Revolution.  This would conclude that mankind is not the only culprit in changing climates.

Today was the third straight morning that the morning temperature was in the 20s in northern New Jersey.  The average low this time of year is the low-to-mid 40s and the high temperatures are near 60.  There are usually days when the temperature will rise above 60 a few times in March ,(and when I’m a very good boy, once or twice in February.)   It has yet to reach 60 degrees in 2013.  Baseball has been played in the northeast in a tundra.  It is COLD!

Any signs of global warming are non-existent here.  Climate change happens all the time.  I’m willing to bet a million dollars (Zimbabwe) that it will be warmer in May than it is now.

April 4, 2013 Posted by | commentary, editorial, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Global Warming, Where Are You?

Normalcy Postponed

I was hoping to return to what my life was before Hurricane Sandy came here.  The aftermath from Sandy included traffic problems, gas rationing, and sporadic phone service.  I was only in the dark for four hours but the restoration of power fried the motherboard in the computer I was using.  (My campaign manager’s backup laptop).

Not only did Hurricane Sandy and the gas rationing and long gas lines hamper my campaigning severely, it caused me to skip the Orgies for Abstinence as well as what was supposed to be the opening of a “Habitat for Hotties” complex in Point Pleasant Beach.

Then there was my vacation in Virginia and Thanksgiving at my parents’ home in Washington, DC.  I returned home Sunday night only to find an eviction notice on my door.  I found a place to rent and paid the security and deposit.  I was ready to move in yesterday only to find out that the people who were moving out hadn’t moved out.  They were going to move out today, but the snow has postponed it until tomorrow.

I am currently on my laptop working from my car parked in a McDonald’s parking lot.  My fingers are numb and the roads are slippery. The nearest hotel is on the other side of the mountain and my car  does not climb mountains very well when it’s snowing.  (Nor on bright sunny days.)  I hope to be able to move tomorrow.

November 27, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Punxsutawney Trip Canceled

I will not be making my annual trip to Punxsutawney, PA this year.  I had been making the trip the last couple of years since I watched the Groundhog Day ceremony on TV in 2009.  It was then that I noticed that the sky was cloudy and dark.  There should have been no way Punxsutawney Phil would have seen his shadow.  He saw it.  He saw his shadow because of all of the lights that were shining on him.  Those lights came from television cameras.  The media was to blame for six more weeks of winter in 2009.

2010 – I had to do something about this.  I made the trip to Punxsutawney and spent the night before at a local hotel.  My plan was to get there at about 6:30AM and get there before sunrise.  The plan included walking up to the cameras and filtering the lights enough to block the shadow caused by lights but not so much that people watching at home couldn’t see the groundhog.  The only problem was that I was unable to get to the cameras because there were over 10,000 people in attendance.  Phil ended up seeing his shadow.  A few weeks later, my town was hit with 2 1/2 feet of snow.

Shoveling 31" of snow made it hard to place the snow and the banks were over 7 feet high.

Last year I had everything planned perfectly.  I arrived at 3:30AM to a sparse park.  I had the filters for the lights and also brought pepper spray to spray in the groundhog’s eyes.  As I was making my move, I was approached by security.  They asked what I was doing.  I told them I was walking around and trying to get a better view.  They let me go but kept an eye on me.  Fortunately, Phil did not see his shadow.

There are a few reasons why I am not going this year.  The first reason is that winter has been mild this year with little snow.  This is a concern because I am walking distance to a ski resort.  The tourists who come here to ski drive me nuts, but they’re a necessary evil as more skiers equals more money for the town and fewer taxes I’ll have to pay next year.  The second reason is the campaign.  I will be in eastern Pennsylvania on the 1st and Connecticut on the 3rd.  Punxsutawney is too far out of the way.  Gas prices are too high for me to go anywhere but a straight line.

My apologies to anyone who had planned on meeting me this year in Punxsutawney.  It’s not a good year for the trip, but I will more than likely go in 2013.  (Hopefully as President of the United States.)

January 30, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Thought Process of People

It is important to understand people.  I have a basic understanding of people, but there is something that still baffles me.  It wouldn’t bother me except that it does.  Once I understand why people do this, I will shave a strong enough understanding of people to convey my message in a manner that they will enthusiastically support.  What I don’t understand about people is their inability to drive three blocks to work during a snowstorm, yet venture out a half hour to drive to the gym I work out at.

I normally work out twice a day:  10-11AM and 3-4PM.  The gym is usually sparse during those time periods.  Treadmills are readily available and it’s easy to go from machine to machine without waiting.  Today was a totally different story.  I should have gotten the hint when there was a wait for the wristband gym members get when they first enter the gym.  The lockers were crowded with naked middle-aged bald fat men.  Every piece of workout machinery was being used.  Every treadmill, rowing machine, and other machine I don’t usually use was in use.  Even every urinal and stall in the bathroom was occupied. (The urinals on the gym floor were vacant, but I am too shy to use those.)

Here is what separates me from most people:  If I can’t drive to work, it’s because I can’t drive anywhere.   I’m not going to go on a 30-mile journey if I can’t drive down the street.  If the needs arises to travel a long distance for pleasure, I just call in sick and go drive.  (I don’t do this now because I work out of my home and I need the clients to survive.- I don’t get sick days.)

If you are one of these people who will go on a road trip after not being able to go on a two block trip due to snow, please tell me why you do it so I can better understand you.  And please go to a different gym.

March 23, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Keeping an Eye on the Weather

Groundhog Day is Wednesday.  Although it is not a state or federal holiday, I will be taking the day off and tentatively heading to Punxsutawney, PA tomorrow night.  The weather might be suggesting otherwise.

Below is the weather predicted for here in New Jersey tomorrow:

Cold with snow, accumulating 1-3 inches; sleet and freezing rain mixed in late in the day.  Sleet and freezing rain at night.

This is the weather that will be waiting for us in Punxsutawney:

Sleet and freezing rain in the evening; rain and sleet, some heavy late followed by morning icy mix; cloudy and breezy.

And the weather I can expect on my way back home:

Breezy with snow, accumulating an inch or two; sleet and freezing rain mixed in early in the day.

The weather is going to be rough from the moment I leave until after I arrive back home.  The trip round trip will encompass (I always wanted to use that word) almost 600 miles.  If the weather turns out to be as predicted, then the trip will be postponed and we will go with Plan B.

Plan B involves being awake at 7:15 AM and sending telepathic messages to Punxsutawney Phil discouraging him from seeing his shadow.  I do not know if Plan B will work as I have never had a telepathic conversation with an animal.  If you have had a telepatic conversation with a groundhog before then you are invited in joining us in sending a message to Punxsutawney Phil.

January 31, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Tough Road Trip

I am looking for some people to go to Punxsutawney, PA with me.  Groundhog Day is Tuesday and I want to make sure Punxsutawney Phil does not see his shadow.  I don’t normally ask for help, but this is complicated in a number of ways:

  • Sunrise on Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney is 7:26AM.
  • We’d probably need an hour to get a good spot.  We should leave there at 6:30
  • It takes a bit over 5 hours from Jersey City.  I am planning on meeting on Exchange Place at 1:00AM.

We should be in Punxsutawney at 6:30AM.  This will give an hour to get a good spot and to come up with a plan to take the lights from the TV cameras who will be fixated on Phil the groundhog.  The lights need to be taken because those lights make Phil see his shadow no matter how cloudy it is outside.  It is important that we return the lights after Phil does not see his shadow and we have an early spring.

We would have to leave soon after because it is supposed to snow that afternoon in New Jersey and I want to return home before the snow hits.

Let’s do this,  We’ve already had over 50 inches of snow.  That is enough snow for the winter and many of us here want spring to come ASAP.  Let’s make sure Phil does not see his shadow this year.

January 28, 2011 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , | 3 Comments

Odds and Ends and Stuff

A lot has happened this past week and things have changed this week.  I was campaigning in New York State and felt the wrath of Mother Nature (Believe me, it was a mother!)  Many of my campaign stops had to be postponed or canceled.  I decided not to moderate a debate on global warming and climate change because it was in Rochester, NY and every time there is a big conference on global warming, it gets canceled due to snow.  They were calling for snow in Rochester over the weekend and I didn’t want to get stuck.

Saturday was my travel day (back home).  Sunday was football, football, and more football.  The traveling I have done in recent weeks has paid a toll on my car.  It will be in the shop tomorrow for car repairs, an oil change, and one of those pine-tree scented air fresheners.

Tomorrow is the State of the Union Address.  When I conducted a poll last week, I was under the impression that the address was going to be at 8PM Eastern.  I was mistaken.  (It happens)  The speech will be at 9:00PM Eastern.This will be my schedule:

  • Tuesday 9PM Eastern – I will blog my reactions to the State of the Union address as well as the Republican response by Rep. Paul Ryan and the Tea Party response by Rep. Michele Bachmann.
  • No radio show Tuesday Night – it has been moved to Thursday Night 9:00PM Eastern.  The show will start off with my “State of the Union Address.”  I will also summarize President Obama’s State of the Union address as well as responses by Reps. Paul Ryan and Michele Bachmann as well as the homeless guy from down the street.

I am back home and things are starting to return to normal.  (By “normal”, I mean the way things were two weeks ago.)  I will try to blog every day, but cannot promise it will be in the “Post-a-Day 2011” campaign by WordPress standards.

January 24, 2011 Posted by | blogtalk radio, commentary, humor, issues, postaday2011, Republicans, satire, State of the Union | , , , , , , | Comments Off on Odds and Ends and Stuff

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