What I Learned From Last Night’s Debate

I learned a few things from watching last night’s debate on Fox News.  I am sure the hundreds of others who watched learned a thing or two also.  Below is what I learned from the debate:

• Fox News did not use a bell to signal a candidate that his time has expired.  People might confused it for a bell of liberty and Fox News will have none of that.
• Newt Gingrich can go an entire debate without attacking the media.
• South Carolinians hate the “Golden Rule” but they like the “Golden Shower.”
• Fox News encouraged viewers to tweet followed by #dodge or #answer following a candidate’s answer.  #dodge trended all night.  #answer never trended.
• The issue of the debt and deficit spending was not a big issue.  Mainly because none who support attacking Iran can explain how to pay for it with accumulating additional debt.

I was asked who won last night’s debate.  The answer if anybody watched would be obvious.  The answer is the alcohol industry.  Between the drinking games people play while watching debates and the heavy drinking people do when pondering that either one of these people or Barack Obama could win the election.

Negotiations are currently underway for a special debate that will include me.  I will give more information once things are confirmed.  It is currently scheduled for Saturday January 28 at 6:00PM Eastern on my BlogTalk Radio show.

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My Week in Review (Thus Far)

Like everything else in life, a presidential campaign has its ups and downs.  When it’s up, you want to stay up, and when it’s down, you want to get up and stay up.  When one is down, one can either wait for a break or create an opportunity.  I have chosen the latter and will explain why I am currently in Massachusetts despite not planning on being here later in this entry.

Sunday – Ames Iowa:  I was looking for a place to talk a little bit about politics while watching football.  I was a bit scared at first about the bar near my hotel.  I wanted to root for the Broncos, but the bar was decked out in black-and-gold and had a lot of football stuff.  I thought at first it was a Steelers’ bar until  I saw a bartender wearing a Tim Tebow jersey.  I saw a few patrons walk in wearing black and gold shirts, but they had “IOWA” on the chest with a hawkeye underneath.  It turns out that the University of Iowa’s football team and the Pittsburgh Steelers have the same colors and that Iowa adopted the Steelers’ colors in the 1970s to look more llike a championship.

Monday – I was in an antique store in Iowa City when a young woman came up to me asking for my autograph.  I happily obliged.  She looked disappointed.  I asked her what was wrong.  She said she thought I was running for President.  I told her I was running for President and gave her my web address.  She then said she thought I was Vermin Supreme.

Tuesday – I went to cemeteries, morgues, and libraries through Des Moines campaigning to the deceased.  I didn’t hear any objections from the cemeteries or libraries, but the morgue said I was getting in the way of autopsies.

Wednesday – Flew from Des Moines to Manchester, New Hampshire (via Chicago, Boston, and St.Louis).  Too tired to do anything by the time I got to Manchester at 11:30PM

Thursday – rented a car and drove to Dixville Notch.  I normally like it when I leave an impression on people and they remember me the next time I see them.  Most of the people didn’t remember me from my visit in 2010, but unfortunately, a few did.  Another person thought I was Vermin Supreme and wanted a pony.

It occurred to me that the South Carolina primary is next Saturday and not this Saturday.  I have also learned that they don’t allow write-in candidates in primaries.  And Manchester is not too far from Boston (or specifically, Foxboro).  I drove to Foxboro this morning looking for people who have tickets to tomorrow’s game between the Patriots and the Broncos.  I couldn’t find anybody with tickets.  (I don’t want tickets, I just wanted people to hold signs that can be shown on TV.)  I’m now at Logan Airport awaiting for my flight home.

Campaign Schedule Set

I will be back on the campaign trail next week.  I will be going to Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.  My schedule will be such as the Republican candidates will be out of these states by the time I arrive.

Iowa (Sunday – Tuesday)  I will visit Des Moines, a few “costal” cities and some farms assuming I can get over my formidophobia (fear of scarecrows).  I will also dine (as I always do) in local “Mom-and-Pop” diners to get a pulse on Iowans.

New Hampshire (Wednesday – Friday)  The days will be spent walking through towns and talking with local business people.  I will also visit a cemetery and campaign to the deceased there.  The nights will been at ski lodges shooting the breeze with ski bunnies talking about everything from politics to the dangers Justin Bieber causes on American society.  I hope to visit the shore while I am in New Hampshire (There isn’t much coastline, but there is some).

South Carolina  (Saturday – Monday)  The trip starts with flying to Charlotte, NC.  The reason why I am flying there is because Saturday is South Carolina’s Primary day and I don’t want to run into Jon Huntsman if I don’t have to.

I will be making a pilgrimage to North Myrtle Beach on Sunday morning to check out the house Vanna White lived in as a child.  I will then try to find a meetup of Vanna White supremacists in the area.  Otherwise, it will be dining at any “Mom-and-Pop” restaurants that might be opened on a Sunday.  (Alternate plan is Waffle House)

I leave South Carolina Monday morning and hope to be home Monday afternoon.

Feel Free to Record Me in Debates

For some reason, there are incumbents who do not want to be recorded in debates.  There are even more who do not want to debate anybody who is not a Democrat nor a Republican.  I am different.  I want to be recorded in debates (as long as I know I can win the debate).    Debating is my strong point and I am willing to debate anybody.  I will debate a Republican.  I will debate a Democrat.  I will debate any third party candidate in any third party.  I will debate any independent who is not in any party.  I will even debate the guy at the local bar who knows everything about everything.  I am that confident in winning a debate.

While I am willing to be recorded in any debate, as well as anywhere on the campaign trail, there are a few places I do not wish to be recorded:

• The bathroom – I ask that you take my word that I am no different than any other man when I am in the bathroom.
• The bedroom – I do not wish to be videotaped if I am with any woman besides my girlfriend in the bedroom.  This is not because of any damage that a videotape could do to my campaign, but the damage it could do to the relationship with my girlfriend.
• “Hello Kitty” Meetup Groups – While it doesn’t bother me personally, it may bother some of my fellow Meetuppers.

I am looking forward to being included in presidential debates and to be videotaped at those debates.

Call or Write the South Carolina Legislature!

It has come to my attention that South Carolina does not count write-in votes for President.  This is eight electoral votes I will not be able to get if the law is still in effect in 2012.  This also violates free speech rights as people are limited to those on the ballot, even if they are not the best candidates.

Contact

For the entire list of house members to call, click here.

Speaker of the House, Robert W. Harrell, Jr.	803-734-3125
Executive Assistant to the Speaker, Jeannie Potter –  803-734-3125

Impeach Mark Sanford!

I rarely call for an elected official to be impeached, but the situation surrounding South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford warrant such a proceeding.  I am not going to call for an impeachment over an affair.  Elected officials are often tempted by hotties.  I cannot guarantee at this time that I wouldn’t be tempted if I was an elected official.

The reason why I am calling for Mark Sanford to be impeached is because of all of those trips to Argentina.  It is difficult if not impossible to govern a state while in a foreign country.  If I am elected President, I vow to minimize my trips oversees and to frequent only American brothels.

The people of South Carolina deserve a governor who does not mind living in South Carolina.  Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot be the governor of all 50 states.