Shaking Off the Cobwebs

I haven’t given a campaign speech in a few months.  The best thing to prepare for something is to practice what you want to do until it is done correctly.

It was a beautiful day for a trip to the park.  I went to an area where nobody was around and started campaigning to a squirrel.  My confidence became shaken when the squirrel ran off and ran into traffic.  Fortunately, the squirrel was able to cross the street unscathed.  On the southern section of the park was a statue of a guy who looked like Cosmo Kramer,  (It was supposed to be a Civil War hero, but he looked more like Michael Richards than someone who led an army.)  The statue stayed for my entire speech.

I went to a local bar and watched the news whilst nursing a root beer.  A young patron in his early 20’s asked me how I felt about the designated hitter rule.  I said I was against it and would abolish it if I was elected President.  He also hates the DH rule, but wanted to ask me why I was against it.  My reason goes back to my days in Little League.  I was a pitcher and wanted to bat.  The coach said that pitchers weren’t allowed to hit in the league and that the other team’s pitcher wasn’t allowed to bat.  Everybody else who played in the field was allowed to hit, why not me?  Six runs later, my pitching was done for the day.  Not being allowed  to bat affected my pitching to the point that I did not want to pitch any more..  I didn’t get to play in the field too often because all of the other positions were filled.

He was so impressed with my story that he invited me over to his house on Sunday to watch football with him and his father.  His father likes the DH, but he thinks that I made a strong argument to get rid of it.  He wants to join my campaign though he does not the President should not have the power whether or not there should be a designated hitter in baseball.  He makes a good point, but Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig irks me and it seems like he is trying to shove the DH down the throats of baseballs everywhere.  This has to stop somehow, even if it means occasionally doing more than I should.

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Words From a Supporter

Sometimes writing just doesn’t convey the expression that one is trying to get across.  When one can get one’s point across by writing, it is often more writing than one cares to read.  That is why God created YouTube. 

The audio isn’t very well and some parts were bleeped because of concerns the supporter’s boss might find out.  The place was loud because the people just found out that the restaurant just replaced the fine coffee they usually served with Folger’s coffee.

I will be posting more event videos as well as a speech or two (providing I can find someone to hold the video camera while I am giving a speech.)

Town Hall – Style Meeting on Wednesday

I will be holding a town-hall style meeting on Wednesday at 12:00 Noon.  It will be on Central Park South.  I will be easy to spot.  If you come early, I will be looking for a space to stand and will be alone.  If you come later, I will be the one speaking and listening to a group of people.

Please note that the group may be moving around Central Park so as to not look like something that might require a permit.  I believe in free speech, not permitted speech.

Drug Policy Speech

I will be giving my drug policy speech today in Yoville.    The speech will be given in front of the Sky Nightclub at 4:20PM Eastern.  All are invited to attend.  Bring your own munchies.  I will go into my “Just say, ‘OK, but just this once'” drug policy.

Plans in the Near Future

The campaign season is relatively slow.  It will probably be another year before a Republican or a Democrat announces that he or she is going to run for office.  It is important that I become a major force in the 2012 election by that time.

There are things we can do to get noticed and to build the campaign.  Like Dora the Explorer always says, “I need your help!”

I am planning the details of the Affordability Awareness Walk-a-Thon that starts Columbus Day weekend.  If you live somewhere between Atlantic City and San Diego, please let me know soon.  I am going to take Rolf‘s advice and campaign through the walk-a-thon as well.  I will not be holding “Ahmnodt Heare is an idiot” signs in German.

I am desperately trying to be interviewed on television.  If anybody knows Wolf Blitzer, David Gregory, Bill O’Reilly, or Stephen Colbert, please forward a link of this blog to them and tell them you want them to interview me.

If you know somebody who needs a speaker for a political rally, a business club meeting, or a sweet sixteen, then please let them know my schedule is pretty much empty until October and I am willing to go just about anywhere for a speech.

After my radio show tomorrow, I will resume doing radio shows on Sunday Nights starting this Sunday.  Tell all of your friends and half of your enemies to listen to the show tomorrow night at 10PM Eastern / 7PM Pacific.  I will answer any questions people have about my campaign then.

I thank you once again for your support.

Speech to the Sons of the Horse-and-Buggy

This is an excerpt of a speech I gave last night:

“The automakers want to be bailed out.  If your ancestors were bailed out, the horse-and-buggy industry would still be thriving.  If you elect me for president, I will retro-bail out the horse-and-buggy industry and let you run the businesses so your ancestors can finally rest in peace.

“Not only will I revive your industry, but I will build the first ever international horse-and-buggy highway with rest stables every ten miles.  I will put every blacksmith and whitesmith to work.  I will dedicate farms for horse-and buggy horses.

“If you elect me, America will transport stuff like never before!”

Out on Bail

I am out of jail after paying $1000 bail.  I was charged for possession of drugs.  The reason I am writing this is because you need to know what really happened and not what the Louisville Police are going to say.

It was around 9PM and I was walking through Cherokee Park in Louisville, KY.  A young man walked up to me and asked if I wanted to buy a brownie.  I knew the people in Kentucky were nice, but to offer to sell brownies at night us one of the nicer things I have seen in a long time.  I asked how much and he said $5.  I thought $5 was a lot of money for a brownie, but he seemed like a nice guy and I was getting hungry after spending most of the day campaigning.

He gave me the brownie in a brown paper bag.  I continued walking when two police officers approached me.  They asked me what was in the bag and I told them it was a brownie I just bought.  Then I asked me who I bought the brownie from and I told them I didn’t know the man’s name, but he seemed friendly.

The police took the bag and took the brownie out of the bag.  They broke the brownie in half and started to pick the leaves out of the brownie.  One of them then walked behind me and told me to place my hands on the back of my head.  The other one frisked me and made sure I didn’t have anything on me.

“Why am I arrested?”  I asked.

“Possession of Drugs,” replied the officer, “There’s hashish in this brownie.”

“How am I supposed to know that?” I asked.

Next thing I know, I was in the police station being photographed and fingerprinted.  They took my information and placed me in a cell for the night.  This morning I was in front of a judge and was charged with 3rd degree possession drug possession.  It carries a possible sentence of up to a year.

Soon after, I paid my bail and left.  I have a court date on June 10.