Keeping My Options Open

It might be hard to believe, but there is actually a chance that I will not be elected President of the United States.  Being the Boy Scout that I was for a week in 1987, I must be prepared for life should I not win the election.  Below are some of my options:

• Become a commissioner of a major sports league.  I have already shown how I would handle problems currently in the NFL and NHL.  I could also be a good commissioner for the NBA and Major League Baseball.
• Become a reality television star.  My life is hectic enough to make for entertaining television.  The one drawback would be that the show’s producers would have to censor by covering-the-boobies and other lady body parts when I visit the nudie bar.
• Run for Congress, Senate, Mayor, or other public office.  I am leaning against this option.  People say they want a president with experience in dealing with government.  The Democrats chose President Obama and the Republicans chose Ron Paul Mitt Romney.  Most people don’t want the experience they have in the White House, especially ObromneyCare.  This is why I chose to run despite not having political experience.
• Write that book I have been putting off writing since 1996.  I will have time after Election Day to pursue this should I not win the election, though I still think I am going to win.  The reason why I think I will win is because unlike the other candidates, the media has said nothing negative about me, my policies, or my campaign.
• I could offer myself to play the role of Christian Grey in the upcoming “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie.

There are only 41 days left until Election Day.  Pick up your absentee ballot by next Friday if you haven’t done so already.  Don’t forget to help the elderly with their absentee ballots, including filling in my name for President so that they don’t have to labor with writing.

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Sports Programming Retards

Before you say anything, I am going to tell you how I define “retard” so my e-mail isn’t filled with hate mail.  I do not mean people who are mentally challenged.  They should not be made fun of.  I mean people who can think, but opt not to.  Those people should be made fun of, insulted, whatever it takes to get them to THINK!

The object of promoting sports is to promote the sport.  It sounds simple, but it goes over so many heads in the sports programming world.  This means putting the best games on TV and scheduling sports doubleheaders so that the second game can be seen in its entirely after the first game.

Saturday:  SNY (Sportsnet New York) had a college basketball doubleheader on their network.  The first game was Northern Colorado at Marquette at 4:00PM.  The second game was South Carolina State at Pittsburgh.  These are hardly marquee games (games this time of year are usually top-tier teams playing against weaker teams to fatten the win-loss records of the stronger team.  This is a time honored tradition.

At 6:00, Marquette was leading Northern Colorado 80-60 with five minutes remaining.  (Marquette would win 93-52.)  Instead of relieving viewers of five minutes of bad basketball, they should have switched to the South Carolina State-Pittsburgh game.  SNY ended up showing Northern Colorado fouling Marquette players so they could limit them to two point plays and try to overcome a 20-point deficit by shooting a bunch of three-point baskets.  Fouls stop the clock.  I could rant at Northern Colorado for thinking they could come back, but when one plays a game, one is never supposed to give up.)

By the time the Northern Colorado-Marquette game ended, the South Carolina State-Pittsburgh game was already halfway through the first half in a tight (at the time) game.  Pittsburgh ended up winning by a sizable margin, but they didn’t get it going until the second half.

My beef on Sunday was with CBS.  The last seven games of the season are subject to having one of the Sunday afternoon games switched to Sunday evening before a national audience on NBC.  The game NBC ended up showing last night was Baltimore at San Diego.  Rumor had it that NBC and the NFL wanted to show the New England at Denver game in that slot, but CBS and Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft nixed the deal.  I don’t know why Kraft was against it, but CBS was against it because it would have been the highest rated game with the most viewers.  The only problem is that the Patriots-Broncos game was not shown in New York City (CBS’s largest local market.)  People in New York were subject to watching the Jets get slaughtered by the Eagles.

Here is how to promote sports:

College basketball – Have a doubleheader, but schedule the games 2 1/2 hours apart.  The time between games can have a studio team who can split the time between games dissecting the previous game and previewing the upcoming game.

NFL Football – Change the late afternoon games to 4:30PM Eastern.  If there is a marquee game and a local game scheduled at the same time, sell the broadcasting rights of the local game to a television station in the local area.  There will still be a market for NFL Sunday ticket for Washington Redskins fans like me who don’t live in the market and know the Redskins aren’t going to be the marquee game very often, but still want to watch their game.

Schedule better, don’t be afraid to break away from a bad game to show another game in its entirety, and show viewers that you really want viewers.  This is my advice for the sports programming retards.

Taking the Fight to the Next Level

I have been vocal against the CineMafia for years.  I have pointed out not just the fact that movie-going is expensive, but I had always assumed that because they are called the “CineMafia” (mostly by me), that their evil-doings were limited to the happenings in Hollywood and the silver screen.  This is sadly not the case.  The CineMafia has infested itself into the sports world (especially at the collegian level.)

First there was Jerry Sandusky at Penn State.  This Cinemafioso had the audacity to start a non-profit for children.  Now Syracuse University’s assistant coach Bernie Fine was fired after it has been discovered he had inappropriate relations with three children.  I have written about the CineMafia exploiting children for a while.  For a complete list, type in Ahmnodt Cinemafia in the search engine of your choice.

This is a a multi-level problem that requires a multi-level solution.  There is the cost of entertainment issue, the quality of entertainment issue, and especially the exploitation of children issue.

Who exactly is the CineMafia?  They are the power brokers in the following industries:

• Movies
• Sports
• Other things

With the high cost of low-quality entertainment, Americans have less money for important things like food, housing, clothing, and booze.  Entertainment has to get better and more affordable.  Entertainers and those who run their businesses have to learn these two rules about children:

• Keep your hands to yourself
• Keep it in your pants!

I am currently expanding my plan and will unveil it in the days to come.  In the words of Nirvana, “Here we are now.  Entertain us!”  But don’t gouge our wallets while doing it.

A Different Kind of Trade

Trades are commonplace in sports. Most trades involve one or more players for one or more players. Cash is sometimes involved in these trades. There are incidents when coaches are traded. Until now, these trades involved the same sport. My trade proposal involves the first intersport trade since the Montreal Canadiens acquired Youppi from the Montreal Expos.

My trade involves trading players from two different sports.  I would trade Washing Nationals outfielder Nyjer Morgan to the Pittsburgh Penguins for Sidney Crosby.  This trade benefits both teams.  The Penguins would acquire a speedy forward who can check and fight.

This video shows Nyjer Morgan’s checking ability with a catcher (who is wearing much more protection) and his ability to fight.  These skills are required in the NHL.

This video shows Sidney Crosby hitting a baseball out of PNC Park in Pittsburgh.  Crosby will be the perfect batter to protect Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn in the lineup:

This trade will help two teams in two different sports.  Some of the best decisions are those made outside the box.

Milestone Sneaks By

I was looking at the homepage of this blog this morning when I made a startling discovery:  I have surpassed 70,000 readers.  I normally am able to countdown days in advance. but the last time I noticed, I was only at 69,827 and figured I had plenty of time before I reached 70,000.  The truth is I reached 70,000 on Monday and it had slipped my attention until now.

Let’s look at my week in review:

• Sports – The NHL Playoffs concluded with the Chicago Blackhawks winning the Cup in six games.  The Celtics and Lakers are in an intense NBA final.  Stephen Strasburg made his major-league debut for My Washington Nationals.  The World Cup tournament started The USA tied England (which is not to be confused with Great Britain.)
• BP Oil Spill Disaster – The oil will take weeks months years to clean up.  I’m not going to comment any more because this ticks me off.
• “Super” Tuesday Primaries – Other than my not being allowed to vote, the big stories were the Tea Party and Barbara Boxer’s hair.
• Preparing for my radio show – My on-again, off-again radio show will be on again starting a week from Tuesday.
• Joran Van der Sloot – A note to the media:  Fewer Van der Sloot stories and more Amanda Knox stories.  At least Amanda Knox is cute.

On to 80,000!

How the Financial Crisis Will Affect How I Rule

It won’t affect how I rule.  It may affect some of my entertainment options if I am elected.  I would cut the number of sporting events I atend in half and the tips I would leave strippers would be diminished.