Staten Island Chuck

I don’t know Staten Island Chuck’s lifetime record is in Groundhog Day predictions, but for 2012, he beat Punxsutawney Phil 1-0.  While Phil had predicted six more weeks of winter, Chuck predicted an early spring.  February was the warmest month on record in the northeastern US and March looks like it will be the warmest March ever.

Those in the northeast will be happy to know that I will not be wasting my time going to Punxsutawney next February.  I will instead go to Staten Island.  It is a much shorter drive and it will be easier to get access to Chuck to spray pepper his eyes so he won’t see his shadow.  This will allow another early spring for next year.

Thank you, Staten Island Chuck from the entire Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign team for making this the nicest winter ever.  I promise I won’t go overboard with the pepper spray next Groundhog Day and I’ll chuck the wood you would have wanted to chuck while you are recovering.

Choosing Staten Island over Punxsutawney is not without its side effects.  I will have to pay to cross the Goethals Bridge.  (The toll to cross the bridge is $12.)  I will have to pick up a pair of earplugs to drown out Michael Bloomberg’s whiny voice.  And because the Groundhog Day thingie is done in the morning, I will have to fight rush hour traffic pretty much the entire route.  (70 miles or at least 1 1/2 hours of rush-hour traffic)

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Tough Road Trip

I am looking for some people to go to Punxsutawney, PA with me.  Groundhog Day is Tuesday and I want to make sure Punxsutawney Phil does not see his shadow.  I don’t normally ask for help, but this is complicated in a number of ways:

• Sunrise on Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney is 7:26AM.
• We’d probably need an hour to get a good spot.  We should leave there at 6:30
• It takes a bit over 5 hours from Jersey City.  I am planning on meeting on Exchange Place at 1:00AM.

We should be in Punxsutawney at 6:30AM.  This will give an hour to get a good spot and to come up with a plan to take the lights from the TV cameras who will be fixated on Phil the groundhog.  The lights need to be taken because those lights make Phil see his shadow no matter how cloudy it is outside.  It is important that we return the lights after Phil does not see his shadow and we have an early spring.

We would have to leave soon after because it is supposed to snow that afternoon in New Jersey and I want to return home before the snow hits.

Let’s do this,  We’ve already had over 50 inches of snow.  That is enough snow for the winter and many of us here want spring to come ASAP.  Let’s make sure Phil does not see his shadow this year.

They Didn’t Learn

It was cloudy in Punxsutawney, PA like it was last year.  A groundhog normally does not see his or her shadow when it is cloudy.  But when television cameras and their bright lights cast themselves on the poor little groundhog, next thing you know, the critter sees his shadow and we have six more weeks of winter.

I made my point clear when I went to Punxsutawney last year.  A groundhog will always see a shadow when a light source is on it.  This is true if the light source is from the sun, the lights from a video camera, or from a forest fire.  The only reason why I think why the media does this is because they think this is how to stop climate change.

If the groundhog sees his or her shadow, then the climate doesn’t change.  It remains winter for six more weeks.  If a groundhog doesn’t see the shadow, then it’s an early spring.  The media does everything it can to see that Phil sees his shadow.  This is wrong.  The media is only avoiding the inevitable.  The climate will change to spring in six weeks and there will nothing they can do to stop it.

Artificially controlling the weather often has hidden consequences.  Once you control it one way, then you’ll have to control it the other way.  My Physics teacher Mr. Phipps would always say that to every action, there is an equal reaction.  This is why many times the weather in the northeastern United States often goes from winter to summer with no real spring.

I did not go to Punxsutawney this year like I did last year.  I will go next year with the sole purpose of taking out those bright lights before they are anywhere near the groundhog.  I want an early spring next year!

How Man Controls the Weather

I did not believe that man controled the weather.  I had always thought that rain came because a cloud came overhead and released water.  I had thought that the four seasons came every year at the same time.

I learned something disturbing today while watching Punxsutawney Phil come out of his hole.  It was a cloudy morning.  It was too cloudy for me to see my shadow, let alone Phil’s.  The TV cameras were aimed at Phil.  The cameras came with bright lights and they were all aimed at Phil.  Phil suddenly had a shadow and it was almost time for him to predict the weather.  I tried to get close enough to Phil to pepper-spray his eyes so he couldn’t see his shadow.  However, by the time I got close enough, he had already seen his shadow.

We would have had an early spring if it wasn’t for the television crews and their bright lights.  The mainstream media has robbed us of an early spring.  If these people love winter so much, then we can dump snow on their front door.  They can have their winter.  I want my spring.

It’s now 11:15AM Eastern and I have been up for 29 hours.  I was ready for bed hours ago, but I had to get this incident off my chest.