The Women’s World Cup

I spent my afternoon watching the women’s World Cup Final between the United States and Japan.  And although the United States didn’t win, our women have nothing to be ashamed of.  There’s something to be said about motivation.  The Japanese team was motivated from the Fukushima earthquake and nuclear reactor.  A similar thing happened in 1980 when the US hockey team was motivated by the failure of the Jimmy Carter presidency.

There were two things about the World Cup that bothered me.  The first thing is that overtime wasn’t sudden death.  The US scored the first goal in overtime.  In most other sports, the first team that scores wins.  There isn’t much scoring in soccer, so the first goal is that much more important.  The second thing that disturbed me was the game ending on penalty kicks.  Spending two hours playing soccer only to have a game end on penalty kicks is wrong (especially in a final game of a tournament.)

The NHL has a shootout to end tie games in the regular season.  But even they realize that a shootout is no way to determine who gets to hoist the Stanley Cup.  If Game 7 of the World Series was to be tied after nine innings, they would go to extra innings.  They wouldn’t resort to a home run derby to determine a championship.

Soccer would be more popular in the United States if it had a sudden-death format with whomever scoring first would win.  It would also help if they kept playing until somebody scored.

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My Softer Side

Some people have criticized me for being too harsh at times.  I could be, and I apologize if I seem harsh.  I decide that today is a good day to show my softer side.

Today is Canada Day.  It’s the day Canadians celebrate their independence by putting the Queen of England on their currency and declaring her a Canadian citizen.  I have been hard on Canadians.  I have nothing against the fine people of Canada.  It’s the Canadian government and their insistence on dumping spies like William Shatner and Justin Bieber on the great American entertainment industry.

Happy Canada Day to all of my Canadian supporters!  You will be happy to know that I am continuing to work to make sure Canadians can vote for me to be the leader of the Free World in next year’s elections.  Below are some greeting cards showing my support for Canadians:

No need to worry about an American exodus if I win the election!

The Capitals will win it next year. We won't riot if we won't because Washington is a classy city.

This won't be an issue once my health care plan is implemented.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

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A message for the Canadian government - I'm watching you!

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This is all I ask. (And William Shatner... And Celine Dion...)

Milestone Sneaks By

I was looking at the homepage of this blog this morning when I made a startling discovery:  I have surpassed 70,000 readers.  I normally am able to countdown days in advance. but the last time I noticed, I was only at 69,827 and figured I had plenty of time before I reached 70,000.  The truth is I reached 70,000 on Monday and it had slipped my attention until now.

Let’s look at my week in review:

• Sports – The NHL Playoffs concluded with the Chicago Blackhawks winning the Cup in six games.  The Celtics and Lakers are in an intense NBA final.  Stephen Strasburg made his major-league debut for My Washington Nationals.  The World Cup tournament started The USA tied England (which is not to be confused with Great Britain.)
• BP Oil Spill Disaster – The oil will take weeks months years to clean up.  I’m not going to comment any more because this ticks me off.
• “Super” Tuesday Primaries – Other than my not being allowed to vote, the big stories were the Tea Party and Barbara Boxer’s hair.
• Preparing for my radio show – My on-again, off-again radio show will be on again starting a week from Tuesday.
• Joran Van der Sloot – A note to the media:  Fewer Van der Sloot stories and more Amanda Knox stories.  At least Amanda Knox is cute.

On to 80,000!

Executive Orders

One of the perks of being a President is the ability to carry out executive orders.  There is some controversy over the effect Executive Orders have over the balance of power.  Critics say that they give too much power to the Executive Branch.  I am sensitive to how others feel.  I plan on limiting the number of Executive Orders I will use.  The only Executive Orders I plan on using are:

• Declare the Chicago Cubs the 1994 World Champions.  The World Series was not played in 1994 due to a players’ strike.   This will alleviate much of the pressures of playing for the Cubs.
• Declare the Washington Capitals 2004-05 Stanley Cup Champions.  The 2004-05 hockey season was canceled due to a lockout imposed by the owners.  I would also like to see the parade go down Pennsylvania Avenue.
• Replace “Presidents’ Day” with “Vanna White Day.”  Americans should not be deprived of the proper celebration of Vanna White’s Birthday (February 18) because we celebrate the birthdates of presidents (38 of whom have since passed away.)

There are other Executive Orders I would want to impose, but I do not want to ruin the delicate balance of power between the Legislative and Executive branches.  Therefore, I will have to ask Congress to replace “Casual Fridays” to “Wet T-Shirt” Fridays.