Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Why I Have to Run for President

I was hoping that I would not have to run for President in 2016.  My life is getting more hectic as my parents’ health conditions are not getting better, my daughter and her mother are getting ready to move away, and the local “Hello Kitty” fan club is getting chaotic due to the lack of a fan club president.

The sad truth is that America is in bad shape now, and will continue to get worse if any for the popular candidates considering a run for president ends up getting elected.  Hillary Clinton isn’t going to fix anything.  Neither will Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, or Rand Paul.  they will just continue the same debacle of a plan that America has been on since George W. Bush took office in 2001.  America will soon cease to exist as we know it if any of these people get elected.  They all would continue to carry out the same policies that George W. Bush and Barack Obama have carried out.  My platform is refreshingly different.

We cannot continue to have our police harass the good people when there are so many bad people who need to be arrested.  People like drug dealers, hoodlums, and hipsters need to be taken off the streets and into a jail that doesn’t have internet.  The system that the government uses to calculate inflation has to change to a system that includes the prices of things that go up.  Otherwise, you end up with what we have now.  (“Low” inflation based on the cost of merchandise at Dollar Tree.)

We need a foreign policy that discourages the knee-jerk reaction of bringing the troops all over the world to intervene in every situation.  Our wars have to be few, brief, and fiscally responsible.  They also have to be fought as humanely as possible.

The IRS needs to be taken out of health care, day care, and lemonade stands.  The TSA needs to be taken out of airports and replaced with massage therapists.  The FDA has to be told that cell phones are neither a food nor a drug and that cell phones shouldn’t have to meet FDA guidelines.

I am running for President because I want an America that I, my child, your children, and Nadia Suleman’s children can live in without fear of government becoming bankrupt either fiscally or morally and can plan a better lives for their children and grandchildren.

 

June 29, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, foreign policy, health care, humor, issues, Personal Life, politics, satire, taxes | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Why I Have to Run for President

Attention Non-Americans!

Americans like to think that the U.S. President is the leader of the “Free World.” In spite of this, non-Americans have no say in who gets to be the leader of the free world. I want to change that, but I will need your help. I need you and all of your friends (and most of your enemies) to mail a letter and a ballot to the U.S. Department of State. The letter should read something like this:

Dear Secretary Clinton:

I keep hearing that the President of the United States is the leader of the free world and that America champions democracy. And as a citizen of voting age living in the free world, I am enclosing my ballot for President and Vice-President of the United States.

Sincerely,

This will be what your ballot looks like:

President: Ahmnodt Heare – Independent

Vice President: Albee Thayer – Independent

And the address to mail the letter and the ballot:

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

U.S. Department of State

2201 C Street NW

Washington, DC 20520, U.S.A.

You can also send the letter to any U.S. Embassy.  But please don’t sent them to Embassy Suites.  While their headquarters are based in the United States, they are not affiliated with the United States government.

March 6, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Albee, commentary, election, humor, politics, satire, voting | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The “Press Freedom Act”

President Obama signed into law yesterday the “Press Freedom Act”.  This makes the State Department have to add a summary of press freedoms in other countries in addition to other things the State Department reports on.

I wonder if the State Department will be monitoring press freedoms in the United States.  If they are, we are off to a poor start as President Obama would not answer any questions after meeting the press about the “Press Freedom Act.”

This is where President Obama and I are different.  I would have shown that America is the champion of press freedoms.  I wouldn’t answer every question, but I would try.  I cannot answer how I feel about the officer who arrested me on Sunday because my attorney advised me that saying, “He’s missing a few doughnuts in the head but made up for it in the body” could be used against me in the coming trial.  I also can not talk about what I did on July 17, 2007 because I promised Angie Baumowitz I wouldn’t talk about our romantic escapade.

I will be able to talk about my policies, regardless of controversy.  Some have questioned if I should do that since I am going to deal with national security issues.  My answer to that is I will run a country that will not need to do things in secret.

I am thinking that President Obama will hold his press briefing on the “Healthy Foods Act” at a fast food restaurant.  He won’t be able to field questions because he’ll be chowing down on two double cheeseburgers.

May 18, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, media, Obama, satire | , , , , | 2 Comments

Travel Problems

I am supposed to be leaving for the Meeting of Independent Presidential Candidates next weekend.  I had to renew my passport and I received it yesterday.  There is a slight problem with the updated passport:  My first name is spelled wrong.  For some reason, it is spelled “Amhnodt” instead of “Ahmnodt.”  I tried to call the State Department to get this fixed, but I kept getting voice recordings.  I will try their website later.  If I can’t get help from the website, I will call my congressman.  If he can’t help, I will change my name to “Amhnodt.”  The hard part will figuring out how to pronounce “Amhnodt.”

November 6, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , | 1 Comment

London – Making Progress

I had more success this time in London than on my last visit.  I quickly got my petition permit and headed to the spot I was at last year.  There were a lot more people there this time around.  A young lady told me that this place was popular because the CCTV cameras were broken following an incident just prior to my arrival.

I had the first fifty signatures within five minutes of my arrival.  Londoners seemed excited about the opportunity to elect the leader of the free world.  I told them that I was running for president.  Many people asked how I felt about surveillance cameras and they seemed pleased that I would only permit it on the hottest women.  I received the biggest round of applause in a long time when I told them that I would cease all wiretap operations.

By early afternoon, I had over 2,000 signatures.  I was heading to the American Embassy when I saw the same snotty woman who called security on me last year.  I decided instead to keep the signatures and mail them to the State Department when i get back home.  I hope that Hillary Clinton will be more receptive than Condolezza Rice was last year.

March 16, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, foreign policy, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on London – Making Progress

Leader of the Free World

This post is intended for the non-American supporters of the campaign.

I have stated in the past that if the American president is considered the “Leader of the ‘Free World’,” then everybody in the free world should be allowed to vote for president.  I was asked what about my supporters in countries that aren’t free:

If you live in such a country, feel free to overthrow your country.  I am unable to come to your country and help in the overthrow, but I wish you all the luck in the world.  I even have a lucky penny that I will part with if you feel it will help your cause.

Once you overthrow your country, you need to write the United States State Department and demand that you be allowed to vote for the leader of the free world.  America is not the only free country.

And the address to mail the letter and the ballot:

Secretary of State Condolezza Rice (Hillary Clinton after 20  January, 2009)

U.S. Department of State

2201 C Street NW

Washington, DC 20520, U.S.A

December 5, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, foreign policy, issues, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Attention Non-Americans!

Americans like to think that the U.S. President is the leader of the “Free World.” In spite of this, non-Americans have no say in who gets to be the leader of the free world. I want to change that, but I will need your help. I need you and all of your friends (and most of your enemies) to mail a letter and a ballot to the U.S. Department of State. The letter should read something like this: Continue reading

February 27, 2008 Posted by | campaign | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

   

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