Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Inside the Numbers

The business courses I took in college has helped me look at numbers without getting overly baffled or falling asleep.  Unemployment numbers are supposedly falling, but there are some things I am seeing that would tend to seem otherwise.

One of the things I look at when determining unemployment rates is traffic over a course of a day.  Traffic should be heaviest between 6:00AM and 9:00AM and between 3:00PM and 6:00PM.  The roads are usually light between 9:00AM and 3:00PM with the only people driving are seniors, stay-at-home moms and dads, people who drive as part of their job, and the unemployed.

While the senior population is rising, it is not rising at a skyrocketing rate.  stay-at-home moms are working raising children.  They drive to the supermarket and to stores shopping for the family during the day (often with their children.)  People who drive as part of their jobs include pizza deliverers, police, sales and businesspeople, and drug dealers.  Traffic from these people hasn’t increased.

This leaves the unemployed.  I know that the spike is from unemployment because traffic has gotten lighter during rush hours (especially the morning rush, when many unemployed people are still sleeping.)  One would think the unemployed would spend their driving time driving to job interviews and to businesses to pick up job applications.  But they also can be found at places people who have a limited income due to a lack of a job probably do not belong.  They can be found at stores, at the gym (membership fees are not cheap), and at the nudie bar.

I usually determine economic growth by a different measurement than the numbers spewed by business publications.  I determine the growth of the economy by the number of tractor-trailers on the interstates.  The more tractor-trailers on the interstates, the more goods are being delivered and bought and the better the economy is.  There hasn’t been a lot of trucks on the highways for a couple of years with no real increase worth bragging about.  Notice there hasn’t been a story about a tired truck driver causing an accident lately?  It could be because there are fewer loads that need to be delivered.  There are also fewer tractor-trailer driving school commercials on TV during Jerry Springer.

When you hear a statistic, it is important to find the meaning of the statistic.  If the things you are seeing are contradicting the numbers, then chances are you are correct and the numbers are wrong.

December 22, 2011 Posted by | commentary, economy, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Campaign Goals for 2011

2008 – 11752 total hits (36.725 hits/day)

2009 – 45062 total hits (123.45 hits/day)

2010- 35037 total hits (95.99 hits/day)

2011 – 151475 total hits (415.00 hits/day) [projected]

Below are my goals for the campaign for 2011.  I have raised the bar as high as I could without throwing out my shoulder.

  1. Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website.
  2. 1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600)
  3. Enough write-in votes in upcoming 2012 primaries (Democratic and Republican).
  4. At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign.
  5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.
  6. At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable).
  7. One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!)

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With your continued help and support, “Ahmnodt Heare” will soon be as common a household name as Lysol.  Think of me as the Lysol of bad ideas.  I kill them when presented to me like Lysol kills germs as soon as contact is made.  Tell two friends today about my campaign.  Thank you.

January 1, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, satire | , , , , , | 5 Comments

Covert Operations

I am being silenced in a different way than censorship.  I am now being allowed to write what I want, but few people are allowed to see it.  And if people are seeing it, it is not counting in my stats as somebody seeing it.

It is not just for this blog.  It is for every website I use that generates stats.  It seems nobody is seeing my lolz at Cheezburger.com anymore.  This is probably because of the new layout that has been in effect for two weeks.  Instead of all pictures being shown randomly for voting and favoriting, select pictures are picked.

There was an incident on Facebook when my campaign manager “liked” the video of Larry King explaining my foreign policy, only to have my posting not show up at all when I logged on moments later.  The web browser was refreshed a few times.  when the posting was visible, the “like” was gone.

I started getting suspicious when I went to check my stats here.  It had shown no additional visitors, but the “Who Among Us” tracker showed two people.  Further details showed that one of the viewers was at my tribute to Billy Mays.  It never registered in my stats page.

I believe all of this is happening because the Cinemafia is getting desperate and will stop at nothing to stop my campaign.  They’re writing codes to make it seem that nobody is visiting my sites when I know that is not the case.

This is not being written because I am paranoid.  This is being written because you need to know that you are not the only person supporting my campaign.  Don’t let the Cinemafia stop you.  America needs you and we need you now.

April 23, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , | 1 Comment

What Were You Thinking?

This is what you have been thinking since the day after Election Day:

Referrers

Continue reading

November 20, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, satire | , , , , , | 3 Comments

   

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