The Real Social Issues

Many people have been bashing the Republican candidates for emphasizing social issues.  I am not one of the bashers.  I am concerned that the Republicans have been talking about the wrong social issues that affect Americans.  Here are the real issues that we should be talking about and taking action in fixing:

• Affordable entertainment – it is why I am running in the first place.  The Republican candidates and President Obama can afford to pop $9,000 to see the New York Knicks and the Miami Heat play a regular season basketball game.  I cannot, and neither can most Americans.
• Stupid People – It’s not just a social issue, it’s an economic issue.  Stupid people cost the economy over $40 billion in 2011.  Texting and driving into accidents and managing businesses into the ground and laying off thousands of people are just a few things that stupid people do that are hurting America.
• Federal holidays – Christopher Columbus never set foot on American soil, yet we celebrate Columbus Day.  I would replace Columbus Day with Vanna White Day because She has had a more direct impact on the greatness of America.

It’s time to talk about the social issues that affect all Americans.  It’s time to come up to the solutions to what is ailing us socially.

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One Law I'd Abolish

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There are a few laws that I feel deserve equal attention. I would repeal all laws that protect stupid people. They are not an endangered species.

My First Executive Order: Repeal laws that protect stupid people.

I wouldn’t use too many executive orders because it could lead to abuse of power. There are some issues that can’t wait for the dilly-dallying of Congress, and this is one of them.

Repeal laws that protect stupid people.
Catering laws to stupid people has done nothing but lowered the overall intelligence of the population as a whole. Stupid people are not an endangered species and do not need protection.

The Assisted Suicide Debate

I am struggling with the “assisted suicide” issue.  I am not concerned because I need assisted suicide.  I am smart enough to commit suicide without help.  This for the people who are not smart enough to kill themselves and need help.

Here is why I am having a difficult time with this issue.  On the one hand, if somebody is too stupid to commit suicide without help, they should live with their stupidity.  On the other hand, we really need to skim stupidity out of the gene pool.

I would like to hear what your position is on assisted suicide.  After all, Ahmnodt Heare for you.

A Look at my Platform – Laws

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on laws.

I would repeal all laws that protect stupid people. Lord knows they’re not an endangered species.

There are many, many laws on the books here in the land we call, “The home of the Brave.”  I do not think we need every law that is currently in the books.  Some laws are detrimental to society at large.  I would say laws that protect the stupid fall under this category.

Once upon a time, there was this concept called, “Survival of the Fittest.”  The concept states that the strong survive and the weak do not.  There isn’t an election to see who gets to live between a cat and a mouse.  The cat wins and the mouse loses.  This is natural.  What is not natural is writing a law protecting the mouse.  Cats do their own thing – ask any cat owner.

The first law I would abolish is the infamous “Caution: Contents May Be Hot” that has to be imprinted on coffee cups at fast food restaurants.  If a person cannot figure out that coffee is hot, let them find out the hard way like I did.

Stupid people are not an endangered species.  It’s one thing to protect the Bald Eagle.  There are few bald eagles and they need to be protected from extinction.  Stupid people, on the other hand, are a dime-a-dozen.  Keeping stupid around and protecting them does nothing but taint the gene pool.  Stupid people shouldn’t be allowed to breed.  (That is a discussion for another day.)

I will only sign laws that protect everybody and not just those who don’t get it.

My Platform

Below is my platform. It is the result of nine months of extensive studying of the issues. Feel free to leave comments about my platform in the comments section. If you’re a candidate who wants to debate the issues or a hottie who wants to cuddle, I can be reached at ahmnodtheare@politician.com

• Life begins at 40. This is the basis of my abortion platform. I would have quit smoking, but quitters never win.
• War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing William Shattner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country.
• I do not have a position on capital punishment. Oh well.
• I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them.
• The current tax code is too difficult. My tax code would involve all Americans sending in 100% of their income and having a mega party at Pacific Beach for all Americans.
• My “Just say, ‘OK, but Just This Once’.” drug policy satisfies the curiosity people often have with drugs, yet offers an out before they get addicted.
• Whoever crosses the finish line first wins. Everybody else loses.This is my view on race relations.
• ”War on Poverty” can be solved by making poverty a crime. I would throw all the poor people in jail.
• I would immediately cease all wiretapping operations. Video surveillance cameras would only be permitted on the hottest women.
• Women have the fundamental right to use the utensils of their choice when cooking my dinner. Nobody shall infringe on a woman’s right to use the vacuum cleaner of her choice when cleaning my house.
• I would observe Vanna White’s birthday as a national holiday, and not just because I am a VannaWhite supremacist.
• I would repeal all laws that protect stupid people. Lord knows they’re not an endangered species.
• Seniors should be allowed to eat healthier than Social Security allows. My plan for them would allow them to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices.
• I am for the separation of Church and State. If clergy were to become state employees, that would be yet another union that AFSCME would represent and soak taxpayers by demanding higher wages. They would all want Sundays off, which would close many houses of worship.
• My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!
• I would abolish gun laws. I would also ban bullets.
• Fundamentals in education is sorely lacking. I would prepare children for the adult world by teaching them how to talk their way out of speeding tickets and how to pass an employment drug screening.

If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me. ahmnodtheare@politician.com