Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

They Didn’t Learn

It was cloudy in Punxsutawney, PA like it was last year.  A groundhog normally does not see his or her shadow when it is cloudy.  But when television cameras and their bright lights cast themselves on the poor little groundhog, next thing you know, the critter sees his shadow and we have six more weeks of winter.

I made my point clear when I went to Punxsutawney last year.  A groundhog will always see a shadow when a light source is on it.  This is true if the light source is from the sun, the lights from a video camera, or from a forest fire.  The only reason why I think why the media does this is because they think this is how to stop climate change.

If the groundhog sees his or her shadow, then the climate doesn’t change.  It remains winter for six more weeks.  If a groundhog doesn’t see the shadow, then it’s an early spring.  The media does everything it can to see that Phil sees his shadow.  This is wrong.  The media is only avoiding the inevitable.  The climate will change to spring in six weeks and there will nothing they can do to stop it.

Artificially controlling the weather often has hidden consequences.  Once you control it one way, then you’ll have to control it the other way.  My Physics teacher Mr. Phipps would always say that to every action, there is an equal reaction.  This is why many times the weather in the northeastern United States often goes from winter to summer with no real spring.

I did not go to Punxsutawney this year like I did last year.  I will go next year with the sole purpose of taking out those bright lights before they are anywhere near the groundhog.  I want an early spring next year!

February 2, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on They Didn’t Learn

Why Rio Won the Olympics

Don’t blame Chicago not getting the 2016 Summer Olympics on President Obama.  Although I am not a supporter of the President on many issues, he gave an inspiring speech as to why Chicago should host the Olympics.  Chicago has a lot going for it:  The Magnificent Mile, Wrigley Field, and Deep-Dish Pizza (for those of you who are into that – real pizza is flat) are just a few things Chicago has to offer.  Rio de Janeiro doesn’t have any of these things.  Rio has one thing that Chicago doesn’t have:  An overabundance of hotties.

Studies show that more people travel for hotties than for deep=dish pizza.

Studies show that more people travel for hotties than for deep-dish pizza.

Congratulations to Rio de Janeiro and to Brazil for hosting the 2016 Summer Olympics.   Hopefully in 2020, the Olympic Committee will vote with their heads and not with their pants.

October 2, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, humor, Obama, satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Look at my Platform – The Environment

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on the environment.

My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!

Many environmental studies bother me.  (Especially the studies on global warming.)  None of the studies look at one very important fact:  It is warmer in the summer than in the winter.  While we should be fighting global warming in the summer, we should encourage it as much as possible in the winter.  Sub-zero (Fahrenheit, not Canadian) temperatures are brutal and must come to a stop.

Aiming nuclear missiles at the sun does two very important functions.  The first function is it will cool off everybody (especially those in the deserts).  The second function is that it will rid us of nuclear weapons and the possibility of one of them accidentally detonating.

Aiming all of our nuclear weapons will stop global warming and eliminate a chance of a nuclear accident.  It’s killing two birds with one stone.  I will make sure those birds are not on the endangered species list.

June 1, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, environment, humor, Platform, satire | , , , , , | 8 Comments

I Miss Global Warming

I remember the good old days when we had global warming.  Winter days were often relatively mild.  There were fewer snowstorms and hardly ever any sub-zero days.

Today is yet another bitter cold day.  Icicles all over the place, the snow frozen hard, and people’s breaths are visible.  It will get colder tomorrow.  It will be cold for the foreseeable future.

If I was president, I would take the steps necessary to assure global warming during the winter.  I will, however; not tolerate global warming during the summer.  It is hot enough during the summer.

The time is now for global warming.  Write your congressperson and your senators and demand global warming now!

January 24, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, editorial, environment, issues, Platform, satire | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

   

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