Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

We Won a Battle!

“My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!”

The battle against global warming is done and we won!  Tuesday was my running day.  A warm breeze from the south rose the temperature to 78°F (26°C) as I began my mile run.  I was dripping in sweat when I finished my run two hours later.  This is November!  People aren’t supposed to sweat in November.

Two days later (That’s today), It’s currently 45°F (Who really cares what the temperature for that is in Celsius?  It’s chilly, and that’s all you need to know.)  My Thursday swim was a lot colder than I had planned.  I’ll have to wear a jacket next Thursday so I’ll keep warm.

It’s supposed to be a rain/snow mix tonight and cold for the foreseeable future.  No more sweating doing strenuous activities like running and yawning.  Tonight will be a night of roasting marshmallows, getting a bonfire going, and opening the windows so that the smoke from the bonfire can escape.

The best part was that we didn’t have to use nuclear warheads to stop global warming.  We can save the nukes for other battles like the “War on Obesity.”

November 13, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on We Won a Battle!

Enjoying Today

I am totally relaxed today.  I’m not fighting the Cinemafia, saving crying hyenas, or trying to get laws that protect stupid people repealed today.  It’s just a day of sun and fun.

There was a valuable lesson that I learned today.  If you are going to go skinny-dipping, make sure every part is protected with sunscreen.  It’s something I hadn’t thought about before because I only went skinny-dipping once, and it was at night when I was young.  There’s also the matter that skinny-dipping is prohibited at the public pool.  I won’t be doing that again any time soon.

The most strenuous thing I have done all day is writing this blog entry. If only every day was like this.  There is more I would write, but I will stop writing soon.  The day is still young and there is a lot of things not to do today.  It is time for me to not do it.

May 30, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor | , , , , , | 2 Comments

Excerpts from my Speech to the Polar Bear Club

The following is an excerpt of the speech I will be giving to the Polar Bear Club in Kingston, NY this afternoon.  It is on global warming.

I would like to thank the Polar Bear Club for inviting me to Kingston to speak today.  Thank you for the warm reception.  The warm reception is almost warm enough to cause global warming.

I know that people in the Polar Bear Club like to go swimming in the winter.  I would like to go swimming in the winter also, but it is too cold.  This is why I am suggesting that we encourage global warming in the winter.

There are some people who want it year round.  But it is already warm in the summer.  The summer would be a good time to fight global warming.  Right now, we much encourage it.

It is too cold today for me to swim in my Speedos.  It is too cold to walk in the park just wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  The saddest part about the lack of global warming in the winter is that it is too cold for the hotties to wear thongs on the beach.  Imagine the irony of that.

If I am elected president, I will assure that fighting global warming will only occur during the hottest months.

Former Vice-President Al Gore knows what causes global warming.

Former Vice-President Al Gore knows what causes global warming.

February 28, 2009 Posted by | campaign, commentary, environment, issues, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off on Excerpts from my Speech to the Polar Bear Club

A New Endorsement

Ahmnodt Heare picked up an endorsement yesterday from the Northern American Swimming Team – Youngstown (NASTY) yesterday.  In a statement released to the press release, NASTY president Ima Hoare said that Ahmnodt Heare was the only candidate that understood the economics of maintaining a swimming team -” Renting a pool, training in a gym, and buying the tightest swimwear for our young swimmers all take money.  ”

Mr. Heare was touched by Ms. Hoare’s endorsement.

May 13, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, endorsement | , , , | Comments Off on A New Endorsement

   

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