Why is Your Economy Plan the Best?
My economy plan is the best because it is the most flexible. My 100% tax rate combined with weekly refunds will allow government to pay its bills without running a debt. My price stabilation plan on movies encourages movie producers to spend less to produce a movie and pass the savings to movie goers.
Radio Show Highlights
My Platform
Below is my platform. It is the result of nine months of extensive studying of the issues. Feel free to leave comments about my platform in the comments section. If you’re a candidate who wants to debate the issues or a hottie who wants to cuddle, I can be reached at ahmnodtheare@politician.com
- Life begins at 40. This is the basis of my abortion platform. I would have quit smoking, but quitters never win.
- War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing William Shattner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country.
- I do not have a position on capital punishment. Oh well.
- I am for gay marriage. Married people have less sex than single people. That will teach them.
- The current tax code is too difficult. My tax code would involve all Americans sending in 100% of their income and having a mega party at Pacific Beach for all Americans.
- My “Just say, ‘OK, but Just This Once’.” drug policy satisfies the curiosity people often have with drugs, yet offers an out before they get addicted.
- Whoever crosses the finish line first wins. Everybody else loses.This is my view on race relations.
- ”War on Poverty” can be solved by making poverty a crime. I would throw all the poor people in jail.
- I would immediately cease all wiretapping operations. Video surveillance cameras would only be permitted on the hottest women.
- Women have the fundamental right to use the utensils of their choice when cooking my dinner. Nobody shall infringe on a woman’s right to use the vacuum cleaner of her choice when cleaning my house.
- I would observe Vanna White’s birthday as a national holiday, and not just because I am a VannaWhite supremacist.
- I would repeal all laws that protect stupid people. Lord knows they’re not an endangered species.
- Seniors should be allowed to eat healthier than Social Security allows. My plan for them would allow them to buy premium dog food at generic dog food prices.
- I am for the separation of Church and State. If clergy were to become state employees, that would be yet another union that AFSCME would represent and soak taxpayers by demanding higher wages. They would all want Sundays off, which would close many houses of worship.
- My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!
- I would abolish gun laws. I would also ban bullets.
- Fundamentals in education is sorely lacking. I would prepare children for the adult world by teaching them how to talk their way out of speeding tickets and how to pass an employment drug screening.
If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me. ahmnodtheare@politician.com
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
A Way to Increase Government Revenue
I was watching former Senator Tom Daschle give a speech withdrawing his name for consideration for head of the Health and Human Services Department. While I was watching, I thought how Treasury Secretary Tim Geitner had similar problems with taxes. I thought deeper in the past and realized that Linda Chavez had similar problems when she was trying to be confirmed for a cabinet position in the Bush administration.
Here is my solution: Make politicians pay their fair share of taxes. When we are running deficits like we are, it is unfair for politicians to exploit loopholes in the tax system. This is especially true in the loopholes they forgot to write or forgot didn’t become law.
While I am on the subject of money, I predict that those who will benefit the most from the stimilus package will be the lobbyists. Maybe it is just coincidence, but they always seem to benefit the most. I would veto any bill where lobbyists would benefit while Americans get screwed if I was elected president.
Remember me in the day, months, and years ahead as I will give commentary on what is happening and how I would do things differently. I thank you for your continued support.
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February 4, 2009 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | Ahmnodt, Bailout, commentary, debt, economy, editorial, legislation, politics, satire, Washington | Bailout, spending, taxes, Tom Daschle, Treasury Secretary | 3 Comments