Sports Programming Retards

Before you say anything, I am going to tell you how I define “retard” so my e-mail isn’t filled with hate mail.  I do not mean people who are mentally challenged.  They should not be made fun of.  I mean people who can think, but opt not to.  Those people should be made fun of, insulted, whatever it takes to get them to THINK!

The object of promoting sports is to promote the sport.  It sounds simple, but it goes over so many heads in the sports programming world.  This means putting the best games on TV and scheduling sports doubleheaders so that the second game can be seen in its entirely after the first game.

Saturday:  SNY (Sportsnet New York) had a college basketball doubleheader on their network.  The first game was Northern Colorado at Marquette at 4:00PM.  The second game was South Carolina State at Pittsburgh.  These are hardly marquee games (games this time of year are usually top-tier teams playing against weaker teams to fatten the win-loss records of the stronger team.  This is a time honored tradition.

At 6:00, Marquette was leading Northern Colorado 80-60 with five minutes remaining.  (Marquette would win 93-52.)  Instead of relieving viewers of five minutes of bad basketball, they should have switched to the South Carolina State-Pittsburgh game.  SNY ended up showing Northern Colorado fouling Marquette players so they could limit them to two point plays and try to overcome a 20-point deficit by shooting a bunch of three-point baskets.  Fouls stop the clock.  I could rant at Northern Colorado for thinking they could come back, but when one plays a game, one is never supposed to give up.)

By the time the Northern Colorado-Marquette game ended, the South Carolina State-Pittsburgh game was already halfway through the first half in a tight (at the time) game.  Pittsburgh ended up winning by a sizable margin, but they didn’t get it going until the second half.

My beef on Sunday was with CBS.  The last seven games of the season are subject to having one of the Sunday afternoon games switched to Sunday evening before a national audience on NBC.  The game NBC ended up showing last night was Baltimore at San Diego.  Rumor had it that NBC and the NFL wanted to show the New England at Denver game in that slot, but CBS and Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft nixed the deal.  I don’t know why Kraft was against it, but CBS was against it because it would have been the highest rated game with the most viewers.  The only problem is that the Patriots-Broncos game was not shown in New York City (CBS’s largest local market.)  People in New York were subject to watching the Jets get slaughtered by the Eagles.

Here is how to promote sports:

College basketball – Have a doubleheader, but schedule the games 2 1/2 hours apart.  The time between games can have a studio team who can split the time between games dissecting the previous game and previewing the upcoming game.

NFL Football – Change the late afternoon games to 4:30PM Eastern.  If there is a marquee game and a local game scheduled at the same time, sell the broadcasting rights of the local game to a television station in the local area.  There will still be a market for NFL Sunday ticket for Washington Redskins fans like me who don’t live in the market and know the Redskins aren’t going to be the marquee game very often, but still want to watch their game.

Schedule better, don’t be afraid to break away from a bad game to show another game in its entirety, and show viewers that you really want viewers.  This is my advice for the sports programming retards.

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Me vs Them – War

Few candidates are willing to cut spending on defense and bring our troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan.  Ron Paul and I want to bring the troops home and close bases overseas.  The one difference between Congressman Paul and myself is that he doesn’t address the Canada debacle.

Once upon a time, American entertainment was a beacon of excellence.  Clark Gable and John Wayne in movies.  Elvis Presley, Diana Ross, and Bob Dylan in music.  Lucille Ball and Fred MacMurray on TV.

The downfall of the Great American Entertainment industry started innocently enough.  Canadian spy William Shatner was dispatched by the Canadian government to taint American television.  Margot Kidder help diminish the greatness of Hollywood, USA.  Canadians have all but destroyed American music by spending spies in waves.  Anne Murray, then Celine Dion, and now Justin Bieber have made American music a joke.

The best American movie actor these days is Adam Sandler.  Sure he’s funny, but the sad part is this is now the best America can do.  We have stooped to Canada’s level in music by retaliating with American spies Britney Spears and Lady Gaga.  American TV has gotten so bad that TV shows have all but been replaced with reality shows.  Watching Snooki, the Situation, and J-Woww for an hour every week is not my idea of quality American entertainment.

I will address this issue as President.  Contrary to some of my prior posts, I will try to negotiate first.  if that doesn’t work, I will impose sanctions (except for hockey – I like hockey).  War will only be used as a last resort, but will not be ruled out as an option.

I was hoping to have more comparisons with the other candidates about this issue, but it seems nobody wants to address it but me.

This post is part of the “Me vs. Them” series.  Come back often to see the entire series.

Trip Canceled

The trip to Punxsutawney, PA, which was supposed to leave tonight, has been canceled due to bad weather.  The weather isn’t too bad here, but it will be soon.  Punxsutawney is experiencing freezing rain and it will continue to freezing rain there until tomorrow afternoon.

My hunch is that if there is going to be falling precipitation, then it will be too dark for Punxsutawney Phil to see his shadow.  If he does see his shadow, it will be because of the lights from those TV cameras like in 2009.

If it turns out that it is dark and overcast and the groundhog still sees his shadow, then I will be spending the day calling all of the television networks providing coverage and tell them my intent to boycott their major commercial sponsors.  The media prolonging winter just because they can will no longer be tolerated.  It is about time we had an early spring, especially with the brutal winter many Americans have experienced.

Raising a Daughter

Tonight is a must-listen show if you are a parent raising a young daughter.

Ahmnodt Heare is a part-time father of a young girl. Like many other fathers, he is concerned about his daughter’s future. He will examine what to watch for in children’s shows so that your daughter doesn’t end up in the same trap as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Miley Cyrus. – From tonight’s show

Be sure to listen at 9PM Eastern / 6 PM Pacific and call in (347)-945-7487 for any questions you may have.

Campaign Goals for 2010

2008 – 11752 total hits (36.725 hits/day)

2009 – 45062 total hits (123.45 hits/day)

2010 – 151475 total hits (415.00 hits/day) [projected]

Below are my goals for the campaign for 2010.  I have raised the bar as high as I could without throwing out my shoulder.

1. Averaging 500 unique hits per day on this website.
2. 1,000,000  results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 17,600)
3. Enough write-in votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican).
4. At least 1,000 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign.
5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.
6. At least five national television appearances (broadcast or cable).
7. One scandal involving a multitude of women.  (More people are talking about Tiger Woods now than ever before!)

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With your continued help and support, “Ahmnodt Heare” will soon be as common a household name as Lysol.  Think of me as the Lysol of bad ideas.  I kill them when presented to me like Lysol kills germs as soon as contact is made.  Tell two friends today about my campaign.  Thank you.

A Look Back at April Goals

The following are some goals I had set for the campaign for the month of April:

1. Averaging 100 unique hits per day on this website. (Way off – Currently averaging 20.3 hits per day.) 😦
2. 2500 results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google. (we are currently at 4780) 🙂
3. Enough write-in votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican). This includes winning Puerto Rico. 😦
4. At least 10 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign. (Currently at 3, plus a poll for President) 😐
5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video. 😦

6. At least one national television appearance (broadcast or cable) 😦

April started off well, but between technical problems with my show and “Obama traffic”, the month fizzled. To get the hits, everybody must remember this:

April Goals

There is less than seven months to go before Election Day. A lot of work has to be done if I am going to be elected as the 44th President of the United States. The following are some goals I have set for the campaign for the month of April:

1. Averaging 100 unique hits per day on this website.
2. 2500 results when people search for “Ahmnodt Heare” on Google.  (we are currently at 1630)
3. Enough write-in votes in upcoming primaries (Democratic and Republican).  This includes winning Puerto Rico.
4. At least 10 blogs mentioning Ahmnodt Heare and the campaign.
5. An “Ahmnodt Girl” video.
6. At least one national television appearance (broadcast or cable)