Taxing Day

Filing taxes is (for lack of a better word), taxing.  Despite of all the forms, it basically boils down to two things: 1) How much did you make? and 2) Send it in. (Please enclose an additional $29.95 processing fee.)  Then they get you because they want to know where you got the money for the processing fee and why it wasn’t included with income.

Paying taxes would feel less burdensome if we were getting our money’s worth.  The federal gas taxes are supposed to go for roads and bridges, yet 1/3 of our bridges fail safety codes.  The more we spend on education and health care, the dumber our children become and the sicker we get.  Somebody has to pay for the GSA’s lavish parties.

This is why I am a fiscal conservative.  I only spend money on things I really need (housing, food, water, clothes, auto expenses, nudie bars, etc.)  I will bring that fiscal conservatism to the White House.  I will no longer have taxpayers fund a study on the flow of ketchup or on the mating habits of gay Argentinian men.  Funding will be limited to the essentials of running government, military, social programs, and the National Vanna White Museum.  If somebody needs money for a study, they can raise the money with a cake sale or a magazine drive.

You can vote for Obama or Romney (two men known for spending money), you could vote for Ron Paul (Please don’t.)  You can vote for Roseanne Barr, Lee Wrights, or another third party candidate.  But the best vote would be a vote for Ahmnodt Heare.

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Invited too Late

I was invited to a third party presidential forum next Saturday in Los Angeles.   Candidates from the Libertarian, Green, Justice, Freedom Social, Socialism and Liberation, and Socialist Party USA parties will be in attendance.

The forum will air next weekend on C-SPAN.  I do not know if the forum will be live, but when it airs, I will be giving my replies and comments via real-time blogging.  I will also post any additional airings on C-Span should there be any.

Friday night was “Orgies for Abstinence” throughout the United States.  I was invited to one in Beverly Hills that featured many “A-List” celebrities.  The problem was I did not receive the invitation until just before I stepped out for the event in my town.  The “Orgies for Abstinence” was a huge success as I was finally able to end my Lent sacrifice of abstaining from abstinence.  I have been abstinence since.

Taxes must be filed by Tuesday at 11:59PM.  This year I will be filing for an extension because there are a couple clients who still have not given me a 1099 for the 2011 tax year.  I am also waiting on a receipt from the charity “Habitat for Hotties” that I gave a $1,000 cash contribution.

Today will be a quiet day.  The day will largely comprise of vegetating in front of the TV watching baseball, hockey, Fox Sunday Animation Domination and infomercials designed to help improve a lady’s figure.  (I’m a big fan of the “after” pictures.)