Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A Royal Pain

Getting people to accept my new found royalty has not been easy.  I was pulled over for speeding this morning.  The police officer refused to accept my claim of diplomatic immunity and being King of the United States and issued me a ticket.

I called the chief of police when I got home and requested that the ticket be dismissed.  Even the chief of police refused to recognize my title of “King ” or my diplomatic immunity.  The chief and the police officer are lucky that I am not a vengeful king who wants their heads chopped off.

Finding a throne is proving to be more difficult than I had imagined.  The chair should look royal, but not gaudy.  It should be elevated so people know it’s a throne for a king.  The armrests should be wide enough to hold a remote control without having the remote dangle.  The one throne I saw was not for sale and is sitting in a museum.  I will also need a custom place suitable for holding a beer can when I want to watch a game on TV.

There will be no robe for this king.  Instead, I will don a polo shirt with a gold crown embroidered where the alligator on the Izod shirts is located.   “KAI” (King Ahmnodt I) will be embroidered and arc above the crown.

There is still work to be done before the Kingdom becomes fully operational.  The hard part will be getting the moat around my condo unit without it bothering the neighbors next to me on either side or the neighbor below me.  I also have to find a suitable place for a drawbridge and hope the condo board doesn’t get too upset once I have it installed.

July 24, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire | , , , , , , | Comments Off on A Royal Pain

Awkward Feelings on the Throne

This is not about any irregularities with bowel movements while sitting on the toilet.  This is adjusting to royalty after proclaiming myself King of the United States.  I have encountered a few problems that I need to work on within the next few days.

  • Ceremonial Royal Wardrobe: – I don’t have any.  I don’t want any, except for a crown.  And the crown I want is not like what kings wore in the middle ages.  It’s more like the crown that Burger King gives away to kids on their birthday.
  • Loyal Subjects: – Again, I don’t have any.  I have people who want me to be President, but that’s not the same.  I no longer have a need for my campaign manager.  He was going to be my court jester, but he isn’t very funny.
  • Funding: – I am having a problem convincing the Treasury Department that they are responsible for making sure my kingdom is funded at all times.  I am not like the President and Congress and able to run deep deficits.
  • Diplomatic Immunity: – As King of the United States, I am immune from many state and local laws.  This means I am exempt from most things including parking violations, overdue library book fees, and building permits.  State and local officials should especially take note.

Once I have the problems above fixed (funding), I will be in a better position to fix the problems I have been discussing for the last five years.  Off to work I go!

July 23, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

   

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