Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

A Look at my Platform – War

Over the next couple weeks, I will take issues from my platform and further explain my positions. Today, I will discuss my views on war.

War with Iraq is wrong. We should be fighting Canada for allowing William Shattner and Celine Dion to infiltrate our country.

To the best of most people’s knowledge, Iraq had nothing to do with September 11.  They also had nothing to do with the Oklahoma City bombing, the Centennial Park bombing, or the production of “Hello Larry.”  While it can’t be proven Canada was involved in any of the forementioned actions, Canada has attacked the United States in unconventional methods.  They have tainted American entertainment.

How has Canada wrecked our entertainment?  They wrecked it by allowing their spies to infiltrate the United States and poise as “entertainers.”  William Shattner, Celiene Dion, and Anne Murray are just a few spies posing as “entertainers.”   Not all Canadian entertainers are spies, though.  Chris Farley could act.  Shania Twain can sing.  Brian Mulrooney is one hell of a comedian.

We have already tried sanctions.  We have been boycotting hockey since the 2005-2006 season.  We have flooded the Caniadian airwaves with Britney Spears and the Jonas Brothers.  None of these actions have worked.  War is the only option left.

I am not a typical “rah-rah” war guy.  I have set some rules for a war with Canada to make sure nobody gets hurt.

  • Wars shall only be fought between 9:00AM and 5:00PM Mondays through Fridays.  This will allow our troops to come home for dinner every night and weekends.  It is important to keep morale high.  There will be no fighting on holidays (American or Canadian)
  • No bombing of hockey rinks, Tim Horton’s, or curling ponds.  We don’t hate Canadians, just the Canadian government, and specifically, those agencies responsible.
  • To show that the Canadians are willing to play fair, they have promised no arctic cold fronts during the summer.

It will take a lot of work to get American entertainment back to a level of excellence.  But we will prevail and we will be entertained again.

May 20, 2009 Posted by | campaign, Canada, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, Iraq, Platform, satire | , , , , , | 6 Comments

   

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