Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

How to pass a Balanced Budget #iowagopdebate

Passing a balanced budget is easy.  It’s just a matter of spending money you don’t have.  I will not cook you dinner or mow your lawn like Tim Pawlenty will if anybody can find President Obama’s plan

August 11, 2011 Posted by | humor, Iowa GOP | , , | Comments Off on How to pass a Balanced Budget #iowagopdebate

A Bad Week to Rehab

I couldn’t have picked a worse week to relapse.  So much has happened in politics  that I wanted to comment on and/or clarify.  My commenting on the computer during the last week was limited to a few tweets and an occasional “hello” on Facebook.

The fine people at the rehab are allowing me resume blogging under their watch.  The guns pointed at me are no longer at point-blank range, so I feel at ease.  The Wapp-Burney Rehabilitation wanted me to tell you that none of the allegations against them are true.  They also wanted to remain anonymous.  I told them I would.

Why is Rudy Giuliani running for President?  He has about as much chance of winning as the sun setting in the east.  At least he could beat Rick Santorum.  The former senator from Pennsylvania moved to Virginia while representing Pennsylvanians.  Where will he move to if he becomes President?  Herman Cain is going to have a hard time winning primaries in the northeast, where real pizza is made.  Gary Johnson has some good ideas, but the news networks don’t want to hear good ideas, so chances are Gary Johnson and I will not be invited to debates any time soon.  The Newtered One sounded more like a social studies teacher than a presidential candidate.  Besides, it’s hard to win an election when your campaign team supports Tim Pawlenty.

Four Republicans have a realistic shot of winning their party’s nomination.  Mitt Romney can win if America forgets about RomneyCare.  Tim Pawlenty can win if America remembers RomneyCare.  Congresswoman Michele Bachmann can win if the Tea Party cartel expands.  Ron Paul can win if the vote counts are not tampered.

I have written enough for today.  It’s time for my dephonicication session.

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June 20, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Republicans, satire | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Me vs Them – Foreign Policy

There are only two candidates with any foreign policy experience.  One is President Obama.  He didn’t get his experience until he became President.  The other is Jon Huntsman.  He didn’t get his experience until Obama became President.  (He was the U.S. Ambassador to China.  He was appointed by President Obama.)

Foreign policy experience is highly overrated.  Otherwise guys like Tim Pawlenty, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Ahmnodt Heare wouldn’t be running for President.  While I haven’t an ounce of experience in foreign policy, it doesn’t mean I don’t know foreigners.  Below is what I know about foreigners:

  • Canadians do not like it when Americans refer to Canada as “almost a state.”  Canada is it’s own country.  They have their own leader, their own currency, and their own culture.  (Hockey, Tim Horton’s, and Poutine.)
  • Australians don’t like it when you complement them on their British accents.  Their accents are quite different than the British.  (Though it would be hard to type examples in a blog.)
  • Don’t go to a country and tell people that Americans are better than they are.  We are better, but rubbing their noses in it only makes them hostile.
As President, I will not send our country to war unless the situation is so severe, I’d be willing to fight on the front lines.  The odds of that happening is minimal because I am a wuss.  I don’t like fighting with a gun or getting blown up.  My fighting lately has been limited to “Knock-’em Sock-’em Robots.”
President Obama and most of the Republican candidates seem content with troops in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Libya.  Ron Paul is the only exception among the Republicans, but I don’t see him as one willing to fight on the front lines should the situation call for it.

This post is part of the “Me vs. Them” series.  Come back often to see the entire series.

May 23, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, foreign policy, humor, Republicans, satire | , , , , | 13 Comments

Here They Come!

Just when it looked like the only challengers I was going to have to deal with in 2012 were Jimmy McMillan and Barack Obama, the “mainstream” Republicans are coming out of the woodwork.  Mitt Romney and Tim Pawlenty have both announced that they are going to have exploratory committees to run for President.

I wonder what their committees will explore.  They both claim to be fiscal conservatives, but will they continue to call themselves that after reading this site and seeing how a real fiscal conservative runs a fiscal conservative campaign?  If they have a soul, they won’t.  But they are politicians, so they will.

Mitt Romney is a multi-millionaire who raised a ton of money for his last campaign. Despite all of the campaign’s money, the campaign still ran up over $17 million in debt. This is not fiscal conservatism.  This is the actions of someone who acting like somebody typically found in government.

There are two things that make me a real fiscal conservative:  1) I do not throw money at problems.  2) I do not borrow money (except for cigarettes, which I always pay back in a day or two.)

If you hear somebody call either Romney or Pawlenty a “fiscal conservative”, show them my record and dare them to match it.

April 13, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, politics, satire | , , , | 13 Comments

My Minnesota Solution

Senatorial candidates Al Franken and Norm Coleman have been in the courts fighting over who should represent Minnesota in the Senate.  Minnesota will have one less representative to represent them until this is settled.  I suggest that Governor Tim Pawlenty choose Ahmnodt Heare to represent the fine state of Minnesota until this dilemma is resolved.

It’s not like I have never been to Minnesota.  I am often in Minneapolis- St. Paul International Airport on a layover between flights.  I have watched former Governor Jesse Ventura wrestle on several occasions.  I feel a genuine connection with Minnesotites.

I will fight for Minnesota the moment I fight in Washington.  I will fortify the border with Canada and with Wisconsin.  I would encourage global warming in the winter.  I will bring affordable entertainment to Minnesota.

Governor Pawlenty, please consider the lack of representation your fine state currently has and choose me to represent Minnesota.  I thank you and I would be honored.

February 20, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, Canada, commentary, election, environment, legislation, politics, satire, Washington | , , , , , | Comments Off on My Minnesota Solution

   

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