Reassessment

I am not where I want to be with my campaign.  While some things have improved, there is a glaring omission in 2012 that was a big part of my 2008 campaign.  I am of course talking about the celebrity endorsements.  It has been a long time since a celebrity has stepped up and endorsed me.

It all started with Tom DeLay.  He was extremely dissatisfied with the field of candidates the Republicans had in 2008.  He jumped ranks and became the first famous person to endorse me.Before you know it, he was sent to prison for “ethics violations”, but I suspect foul play. Tom DeLay is a nice man.

Tom DeLay

Another famous person connected to politics was Levi Johnston. He almost became Sarah Palin’s son-in-law. The problem was that Johnston was no fan of John McCain even with Palin on the ticket. He let the Palins know who he endorsed on the Palins’ Wasilla lawn:

Levi Johnston

Another famous person who was cursed by endorsing me was former Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski.  He was another person who found himself in a federal prison soon after he endorsed me.

Dennis Kozlowski

The fate of these people is minimal compared to what happened to the next person to endorse me.  Apple Computer Company founder Steve Jobs suddenly came down with pancreatic cancer a few months after endorsing me.  I am not normally a conspiracy theorist, but a billionaire who could have gotten the best health care ever with his money ended up dying anyway.

Steve Jobs

There has been a large outcry from people who want to contribute to my campaign despite my “penniless campaign” pledge. I had resisted for the longest time, but I do not want to disappoint all those people who want to contribute. I will have a one-time money bomb on the 31st of this month. This will be the ONLY time I will accept contributions. The money raised from the campaign will be used for things like ad time, yard signs, and tattoos. There will be more information in the days to come.

Don’t forget “Orgies for Abstinence V” on Friday!

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We Must Continue!

My opponents are doing whatever it takes to make sure I am not elected President in 2012.  The latest blow came when long-time supporter Tom DeLay was sentenced to three years in prison for breaking a law that doesn’t exist.  They can’t arrest all of us!  There are too many of us to arrest (especially on laws that do not exist!)

If you find yourself in this predicament, let me know.  The campaign and fellow supporters will make sure that people who try to arrest you on charges that do not exist are arrested for harassment (a crime that does exist.)

Below are a few non-existent laws they might try to pin one of my supporters with:

• Felony Jaywalking – Jaywalking is an infraction, not a crime.  Even if done with other crimes, it is but an infraction and jail time cannot be served solely for jaywalking.
• Tearing off a mattress tag – Opponents might tell authorities that you tore off a tag from a mattress and they will try to get the police to inspect your mattress without a subpoena. Know your rights.   Make sure the police have a subpoena and don’t let them in without one.
• Farting – Flatulence is not a crime, but they might trump up charges saying that you are using a biological weapon.
• Not Farting – If you do not fart, they might accuse you with storing a biological weapon.

We must be vigilant.  We must be persistent.  We must fight the good fight and stand together and not allow our opponents to intimidate us in any way!

 

Subliminal Endorsement

NOTE TO MEDIA:  I will be available for interviews starting tomorrow at 9:30AM Eastern.

I usually do not like people who try to do subliminal messages.  This is why I have the utmost respect for Tom DeLay putting his neck out on the line endorsing me last year.

I understand why Sarah Palin  could not endorse me verbally at the Tea Party convention last night.  It would seem awkward if after she was paid $100,000 to speak to a group and openly endorsed somebody who didn’t belong to the group.  Pictures from The Mudflats

While Sarah Palin was talking about conservative values, she held her hand open and people could see scribble on her hand.

A closeup of her hand shows what she really wanted to say at the convention.

I would like to thank former Governor Palin for continuing to be mavericky and to covertly get the message out.

Phillies – Yankees World Series

I used to get excited about watching the World Series, but I am not excited this year.  The primary reason why I am not looking forward is because I am a Washington Nationals fan.  I am not looking forward to watching two teams who each won more than 40 games than my Nats.  And as a fan of most Washington teams (does anybody follow the Wizards?), it is easy to hate Philadelphia and New York teams.  Because it is easy to hate both cities’ teams, it is hard to root for either the Yankees or the Phillies.

I would have been watching “Dancing with the Stars”, but Tom DeLay, a popular endorser of my campaign, had to bow out due to stress fractures in both of his feet.  I can’t root for anybody on “Dancing with the Stars” either.

I will be watching Monday Night Football tonight.  I will be watching my Redskins play against the hated Philadelphia Eagles.  Sherman Lewis will use his recent experience to call plays like “Corners”, “Picture Frame”, and “X”.  It should confuse the Eagles.  It might even confuse the Redskins.  GO REDSKINS!

Returning a Favor

There had to be a first.  There’s a first love, first dance, first spouse, and first divorce proceeding.  For me, there was a first endorsement and I will always be thankful.  The first person to endorse was none other than former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

As a token of my appreciation for his endorsements throughout my 2008 campaign, I am officially endorsing Tom DeLay in the next “Dancing with the Stars” series.  I will be posting the phone numbers and/or text numbers where people can cast their votes for Tom DeLay.

Please join me in electing Tom DeLay as America’s Top Dancer.

Happy Hanukkah from my Celebrity Endorsers

I know Hanukkah isn’t until the 22nd, but I thought I would spend some time to wish the Jewish readers of my blog a Happy Hanukkah.

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Christmas Greeting from my Celebrity Endorsers

Here is a video greeting made by endorsers of the Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign

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