Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

All Politics is Local

“All politics is local.” – Former House Speaker Thomas “Tip” O’Neill

I was at the diner in town talking to one of my neighbors about things going on.  There was an article in the town paper that got me engaged.  The water company was recently bought out by the town for some odd reason.  That isn’t the part that has me mad.  Below is a brief synopsis of recent events that has led to the anger of my neighbors and me:

  • Before the sewer company was sold to the town – My average water bill was $50.00/month.  $!0.00 was for water, $38.00 was for sewage and $2.00 was for billing.  (One would think by now that companies would include billing in their rates as part of operating costs.  I could save them billing costs if they only decided to quit billing me.)  The rates here were among the highest in New Jersey.
  • The town bought the water company because the rates were so high and people were complaining.  The assumption was that the rates would be more reasonable if the town ran the water company.
  • People started getting the new bills from the town.  The average rate increase is over 250%.  I was recently told that my next water bill would be $120 – $140.

There will be a condo association on Wednesday.  The local condominium got hit with higher rates than the rest of the town.  (The rest of the town also got hard, just not as hard as the condos.)  There is a town meeting next Monday where I will be speaking on behalf of condo owners (Even though they don’t know this yet).

I have already taken steps to lower my water use to a minimum:

1) Shower at the gym instead of at home:  This will save me money.

2) Wash my clothes while showering – This will save from using a washing machine and going to a laundromat.

3)Flush only once a day – after pooping – Most of the increase is in sewage.

4)If my bill is too high after #3 – get a bunch of Depends undergarments.

5)Plastic cups and silverware and paper plates, pots, and pans – this will save from washing dishes (something I don’t like doing anyway.)

I have already begun to start collecting rain water for cooking, mopping, and watering the hemp tomato plants.   I am currently working on a plan to present that will save everybody money.  Call me crazy, but I don’t see how paying 250% more for water will save me money.

 

August 13, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

Northeast Blizzard

There are two reasons why I haven’t been online the last two days:  Shoveling and Blackout  (The blackout lasted for 22 hours, but I spent most of that time sleeping or shoveling.).  It tends to be difficult to keep up with shoveling when it is snowing an inch an hour.  It is harder when you are without the benefits of a snow blower or a plow.

I had spent all morning and afternoon shoveling.  It was getting dark and the one inch per hour turned into 2 inches per hour.  Catching up became futile so I decided I was shoveling for the day.  I went inside and watched some of the gold medal women’s hockey game between the United States and Canada.  Team Canada won 2-0 and I became distraught.

MSNBC announced that after the medals were given out, that they were going to play the Canadian National Anthem.  Not on my TV they weren’t.  I turned the TV off and headed outside to throw snowball at objects so I could vent.   One of the objects I hit was the top of the telephone pole where the electrical wire is connected from the pole to the house.  The electric wire came down and the town became dark.  Fortunately, I was able to scurry back in the house before anybody could see what happened.  (Not that they could see as it was dark and no lights were around.)

I had spent a good portion of yesterday shoveling the snow that had fallen Thursday night and Friday morning.  There was a foot and a half on the ground in addition to the foot of snow I had shoveled on Thursday.  I was soon running out of places to put snow as the snow banks from shoveling were soon over my head.  I thought I was just about done when the town snow plow came and cleared the road, leaving a three-foot bank blocking my driveway.  The bank was not only high, it was also three feet across. It was also dense, icy, and heavy.  it took me FOREVER to get rid of that snowbank!

I will be spending time brainstorming ideas on how better to remove snow.  The way towns do it now is a bad idea, and I will bring that up at the next town meeting.  If the streets are public property, then so is the snow that falls on it.  I do not want public snow on my private property!  I will think of a better way.  This is why I am running for President.  I am always thinking of better ways to run this great country of ours.

February 27, 2010 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

   

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