Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Inside the Numbers

The business courses I took in college has helped me look at numbers without getting overly baffled or falling asleep.  Unemployment numbers are supposedly falling, but there are some things I am seeing that would tend to seem otherwise.

One of the things I look at when determining unemployment rates is traffic over a course of a day.  Traffic should be heaviest between 6:00AM and 9:00AM and between 3:00PM and 6:00PM.  The roads are usually light between 9:00AM and 3:00PM with the only people driving are seniors, stay-at-home moms and dads, people who drive as part of their job, and the unemployed.

While the senior population is rising, it is not rising at a skyrocketing rate.  stay-at-home moms are working raising children.  They drive to the supermarket and to stores shopping for the family during the day (often with their children.)  People who drive as part of their jobs include pizza deliverers, police, sales and businesspeople, and drug dealers.  Traffic from these people hasn’t increased.

This leaves the unemployed.  I know that the spike is from unemployment because traffic has gotten lighter during rush hours (especially the morning rush, when many unemployed people are still sleeping.)  One would think the unemployed would spend their driving time driving to job interviews and to businesses to pick up job applications.  But they also can be found at places people who have a limited income due to a lack of a job probably do not belong.  They can be found at stores, at the gym (membership fees are not cheap), and at the nudie bar.

I usually determine economic growth by a different measurement than the numbers spewed by business publications.  I determine the growth of the economy by the number of tractor-trailers on the interstates.  The more tractor-trailers on the interstates, the more goods are being delivered and bought and the better the economy is.  There hasn’t been a lot of trucks on the highways for a couple of years with no real increase worth bragging about.  Notice there hasn’t been a story about a tired truck driver causing an accident lately?  It could be because there are fewer loads that need to be delivered.  There are also fewer tractor-trailer driving school commercials on TV during Jerry Springer.

When you hear a statistic, it is important to find the meaning of the statistic.  If the things you are seeing are contradicting the numbers, then chances are you are correct and the numbers are wrong.

December 22, 2011 Posted by | commentary, economy, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Evil that is Volkswagen

First Volkswagen wanted us to punch each other.  Now they want us to ignore our speed limits with their “Autobahn for All” event.  It’s not just ignoring the speed limits – it encourages reckless and aggressive driving while using sexual innuendos.

The latest commercial shows a couple taking a Volkswagen for a test drive.  The husband is driving with the salesman in the passenger’s seat and the hot wife in the back.  The wife gets excited and screams, “SHOOT THE GAP! SHOOT THE GAP!!!”  When a hottie screams “Shoot the gap!” I am going to shoot the gap.  I try to please ladies that way.

In order for the husband to shoot the gap, he has to drop off the salesman.  He has to weave through traffic and drive between two tractor-trailers and speed on the interstate.  Unlike the “Punch Dub” commercials, (which was just people punching people), this commercial encourages reckless driving in exchange for a little nookie.  The worst part of the commercial is that they don’t show the nookie after the husband speeds between the two tractor trailers.

I demand ethical behavior in commercials and will make this an executive order once I am President.  I will make America safer by allowing only socially responsible commercials to air.

UPDATE 7/30/10:

I would like to thank my supporters for pressuring Volkswagen into pulling the ad.

July 26, 2010 Posted by | campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Relaxation

I am back from vacationing in Saguache County, Colorado.  I have always believed that one needs a few days to recuperate when returning from a vacation.  It’s not because the vacation itself wipes people out.  It’s because of the traveling back home.

It started with an almost two hour ride from Saguache to Colorado Springs.  That was followed by a 2 1/2 hour bus ride to Denver.  I think bus drivers are paid to drive through every neighborhood between Colorado Springs and Denver. The cab ride from the airport to the airport took 15 minutes.

It took forever to go through airport security.  I had problems taking my cast boot off for the airport screening.  I also had problems getting around with just one leg.  It was difficult looking for a place to put the boot back on my cast.

There was a huge rush for the airline to get the plane loaded.  I think that it is because they like to play a game called “Whoever Spends the Most Time on the Tarmac Wins!”  It took five minutes to load 205 people on the plane, but it took 90 minutes for the plane to leave the tarmac.  I think the pilot of my plane won the game.

I was soon at Newark Liberty Airport.  I headed to the luggage carousel to watch the luggage of the other 204 passengers go around before I saw my bags.  It was off to the parking lot.  I forgot where I parked my car.  I spent fifteen minutes hobbling around before I found it.  The “escape for Labor Day Weekend” traffic was all that was between the airport and my home.  an hour trip ended up taking up two and a half hours.

It will take at lease three days to recover from a day of traveling.  After a day like yesterday, I can use a vacation.

September 5, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

About Last Night

I want to apologize for last night’s show.  My Internet was down and I was unable to open the chat room or play clips.  The show ended up being cut down to 25 minutes being a monologue between my energy policy and a minor rant about being caught in Barack Obama traffic for two hours and missing a speaking engagement because of it.  For your listening pleasure:

April 28, 2008 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, issues, Obama, Platform, speech | , , , , , | Comments Off on About Last Night

   

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