Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Weird Dream

I had a dream that I won the election and became President.  That’s not the weird part.  I won 454 of the 538 electoral votes. (I lost in New York and California.)  That’s not the weird part either.  The weird part was that I had absolutely no press coverage.  I wasn’t mentioned in any polls, there was no cheating on either my part or by any of my supporters.  The reactions by the election night hosts on the networks were from bewildered to outrage.  Below are some of the few reactions:

  • CNN – Anderson Cooper kept mumbling, “Ahmnodt Heare” while looking like Wolf Blitzer just ripped a “Silent-but-Deadly.”
  • MSNBC – Chris Matthews blew a gasket.  “Who the **** is Ahmnodt Heare?  How in the **** did he win?  Seriously, who is he?”
  • Fox News chose not to mention my name.  They ran with “Obama Defeated” without mentioning who beat him.
  • Current TV – Keith Olbermann said, “November 6, 2012 – Americans played ‘Oddball’ and hit the jackpot!”
  • CBS News did have some ground reporters talking to people who voted for me.  They also had a countdown to December 21 on the bottom of the screen.
  • NBC News managed to find out something about me.  Kelly O’Donnell was reading my platform to the audience.  Luke Russert alternated moments between agony and outright laughter.
  • ABC News was looking to get President Obama’s reaction to his shocking loss.

My father called me and told me that TMZ was around his neighborhood looking for dirt on me.  TMZ does not want me to become president because a large part of their business is following and reporting on Cinemafia stars.

Twitter was abuzz with the election.  The leading trend the entire night was either “Ahmnodt Heare” or “Who is Ahmnodt Heare.”  Other keywords pertaining to my campaign included, “Cinemafia”, “Vanna White Supremacist”, and “Orgies for Abstinence.”

The more I look back at the dream, the more I can envision the entire dream happening as I recalled it.  The part most likely to happen is the mainstream media being left in the dark as to how I won.  I’ll probably end up having my first interview as President-Elect with Alex Jones.


February 26, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, humor, issues, media, politics, satire, Social Networking, Vanna White | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

What I Learned From Last Night’s Debate

I learned a few things from watching last night’s debate on Fox News.  I am sure the hundreds of others who watched learned a thing or two also.  Below is what I learned from the debate:

  • Fox News did not use a bell to signal a candidate that his time has expired.  People might confused it for a bell of liberty and Fox News will have none of that.
  • Newt Gingrich can go an entire debate without attacking the media.
  • South Carolinians hate the “Golden Rule” but they like the “Golden Shower.”
  • Fox News encouraged viewers to tweet followed by #dodge or #answer following a candidate’s answer.  #dodge trended all night.  #answer never trended.
  • The issue of the debt and deficit spending was not a big issue.  Mainly because none who support attacking Iran can explain how to pay for it with accumulating additional debt.

I was asked who won last night’s debate.  The answer if anybody watched would be obvious.  The answer is the alcohol industry.  Between the drinking games people play while watching debates and the heavy drinking people do when pondering that either one of these people or Barack Obama could win the election.

Negotiations are currently underway for a special debate that will include me.  I will give more information once things are confirmed.  It is currently scheduled for Saturday January 28 at 6:00PM Eastern on my BlogTalk Radio show.

January 17, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, debate, economy, editorial, foreign policy, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments


I will be laid up in bed for the next few days while I am recovering from a hamstring injury.  This will prohibit me from making the campaign events I had planned to make over the next few days.  It’s sad because I hadn’t been on the campaign trail for a while and it was yesterday that I was able to put the schedule together.

Below is the events I will not be able to attend this week:

  • Tonight – Social Networking Utilization Summit – White Plains, NY – I was supposed to give a speech on how I was able to have several tweets read on television and how having tweets read has increased the number of people following me on Twitter.  I was going to stay afterwards for the seminar on how to trend.  As popular as my campaign is becoming, #ahmnodtheare is not trending anywhere in the United States.  (Though rumor has it that #ahmnodthearesucks trends a couple times a week in Toronto and in Calgary.
  • Tomorrow – A Synopsis of Recent Weather Phenomenon – New York, NY – I was invited to speak at Columbia University to speak.  Not on what causes climate change (I have no idea) but on how (and in my speech, when) to fight climate change.
  • Thursday – Parents Without Partners – Wayne, NJ – This isn’t a traditional campaign as much as a personal stop.  But telling single moms that I am a single dad who is running for President is an ice-breaker.  It also sounds more impressive than the guy who brags about being the shift manager at Arby’s.
  • Friday – Rally in front of the FCC building – Washington, DC.  I wanted to get the word out that my name is being censored when the mainstream media is talking about presidential candidates.  Censorship is wrong (except when I need to cover my hide to better serve Americans)

I am hoping to be up and more than hopping along by Saturday.  The main obstacle is not hurting myself getting out of bed to go to the bathroom (which is how I got hurt in the first place.)

June 28, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire, Social Networking | , , , , , | 5 Comments

Exploratory Committee Results

The exploratory committee took time to watch me swim laps at the town pool.

I am pleased to announce that the exploratory committee for my campaign has finished my viability as a presidential candidate in 2012.  Here are the conclusions they came up with:

  • While I have yet to been interviewed or involved in a TMZ-covered scandal, I am starting to get media coverage. Some people in the national media now know who I am.
  • I have a history of setting trends.  There were many activities I did in the 2008 campaign that were later copied by other candidates.  Portions of my platform were borrowed by candidates for office in 2010.
  • I have the best group of supporters ever.  If you don’t believe me, ask any of my supporters.
  • Despite how people traditionally vote, they like a candidate who says what he means in plain English.  (Y Español también.)
  • At least I’m not Newt Gingrich.
  • People don’t have the money to fund campaigns.  I’m not asking for money.  I’m not spending money.  I am living as a true fiscal conservative.  People want a president to show spending restraint.

The polls may not reflect the findings (especially the polls that don’t list me as a 2012 Presidential candidate), but I am beginning to make headway and plan on being a major player in the election.

March 21, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, election, humor, media, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Blogging – End of an Era?

I would like to think I am a trendsetter.  The few times I follow somebody else’s trend I follow it early enough to make it seem like I started the trend.  I wasn’t the first to blog, but there weren’t a lot of blogs when I started blogging my campaigning adventures back in 2008.

My blogroll is different now than it was two years ago.  Many of the blogs I had on the blogroll no longer exist.  Gone are Sir Satire, Peasant Tim’s News World Order,  and The Food Here Convenience Store.  Don Mills (known to some as “Crabby Old Fart”) hung up his keyboard a couple weeks ago.  Many of those who are still on my blogroll are blogging less frequently.

Blogging frequently is not easy.  It can be difficult when the only person reading your blog is you.  While I am no longer suffering from that problem, I am well under the 400,000 readers I was expecting to have every day.

Below is a poll question.  Please take a second to take the poll.

I will post my findings from this poll and from other sources sometime next week.

October 24, 2010 Posted by | campaign, commentary | , , , | 11 Comments


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