So Much to Do

I am going to have a lot of catching up to do.  My campaign manager is unavailable until the end of the month because he is busy doing things that are not as important as getting me elected,  I will be more active in social media.  I will try to drive without giving idiot less skilled drivers the middle finger when they drive like a jerk incorrectly.

Setting up campaign stops will be difficult so the plan for this month is to find crowds and speak to them.  This was part of my strategy in the 2008 campaign and it worked until I found a crowd at a funeral home.

The good news is that I have already reached the goal of money raised for the campaign to $0.00.  The bad news is that my good looks and my suave persona are not enough to get ads on television.  My plan is not to use television, newspapers, or tarot card readers as those all cost money and fewer people use those sources than in the past.

There will be no live interaction shows for the foreseeable future because of the constant chaos in my house.  I will send notifications as soon as I find a solution.  Interacting with people is one of my stronger strengths.

If you want to help out the campaign, you can use the #TeamAhmnodt hashtag when you use social media like Facebook or Twitter.  It also fits nicely in the “memo” section of checks.  It will make a great conversation starter.

Thank you for taking the time to read today’s entry.  I am off to watch to news and try to figure out what is going on in the world.

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Reviews and Previews

2012 is coming to a close and 2013 is about to be shoved in our faces.  Since this is generally a slow political period (aside from Congress and Obama wanting to drive us off a fiscal cliff), I will be spending the next few weeks reviewing 2012 and previewing 2013, taking it month by month.  Below is the schedule:

2012 in Review:

• January – 12/20
• February – 12/21
• March – 12/22
• April – 12/23
• May -12/24
• June – 12/26 (No Christmas entry)
• July – 12/27
• August – 12/28
• September – 12/29
• October and November – 12/30
• December – 12/31

2013 in Preview:

• January – 1/2
• February – 1/3
• March – 1/4
• April – 1/5
• May – 1/7
• June – 1/8
• July – 1/9
• August – 1/10
• September – 1/11
• October – 1/12
• November – 1/14
• December – 1/15

A few days are skipped on purpose.  January 1 is skipped because it’s New Year’s Day.  It is bad luck to make a prediction on New Year’s Day.  All the money I have lost betting on bowl games over the years proves this.  January 6 and 13 are omitted because I expect the Washington Redskins to be playing playoff football on those days.

I may throw in an entry or two on what I am thinking during this time, but don’t hold your breath.  There will be updates on my Facebook page as well as my Twitter account.

Accessing the Damage

The 2012 election was a disaster.  Not just because Barack Obama won (it would have been a disaster if Mitt Romney, Gary Johnson, Jill Stein, Roseanne Barr, or Vermin Supreme won), it was a disaster because I did not win.  I received fewer votes than in 2008.  I couldn’t even win Saguache County, Colorado this time.

Much of my campaigning in the last month was hampered by my computer crapping out and by Hurricane Sandy.  And while the women at the nudie bar like me as a patron, I could not parlay that into them campaigning for me or for them getting out to vote.

The “Voter ID” laws also caused damage to my voting base.  Deceased people and zombies tend not to carry identification on their persons because they generally don’t need identification.Neither demographic drives so they don’t need to get a drivers’ licence.

My campaign’s exposure to the mainstream was also sorely lacking.  I received no television coverage other than the occasional apolitical tweet read on television.

My goal is to run another penniless campaign in 2016.  But if I can’t get any television exposure or trend on Twitter, then I will spend some money on the campaign.  There might even be a PayPal account for donations.  (I hate asking for money.)

There will be goals set soon and I will post them once I figure out how I am going to win in 2016.

Tweet Number 6000 #ForSale

Tweets, Following, and Followers accurate as of 8/30/2012 at 7:25PM EDT. Your mileage may vary.

Here is your chance to get some publicity for your business. Here is how this will work:

1. Submit your bid to ahmnodtheare@politician.com as soon as possible.  Bid should include amount as a phone number to call should you are the winner.  Billing will be discussed by phone.
2. Contest will end when I reach my 5,990 tweet.
3.  If you win, you will be allowed to submit a tweet up to 134 characters.  Six spaces will be reserved for ” #6000″ so others will know it is my 6000th tweet.
4. My 5999th tweet will announce the winning bid as well as the day and time the winner wishes the tweet to be released.
5. I will use your company’s logo as my profile background from when I tweet my 5999th tweet until seven days after I release my 6000th tweet.
6. Void where prohibited.  (I don’t know where it’s prohibited, but I threw in the disclaimer to make this look legitimate.)

All bids will be kept secret.  A complete list of bids will be available to anyone who wishes to see it when the winner is announced.  Good luck to one and all!

Advice for Mitt Romney

It’s odd that I, a candidate for President of the United States, would give an opponent advice.  But after Mitt Romney bungled his foreign campaign trip, I can offer him some friendly advice.  There are only 98 days until Election Day and I doubt he will be doing any more campaigning overseas.  Below is some tidbits he can use abroad:

• Answer the media’s questions. – If you don’t talk to the media, the media will attack.  They will say that you are “out of touch” or that other candidates give out better donuts at press conferences.
• Find out the cultures of the countries you will visit and don’t step on their toes. –  People will frown on incidents like eating bacon at the Wailing Wall or saying “Erin go Bragh” at a bar in London.
• Mingle with the people. – You represent America more than most Americans because you are applying for leadership.  America has a bad image overseas except for cities after I have campaigned there.  The more likable America is, the less likely we will be attacked in the future.
• Refrain from bragging about America’s greatness.  America is a great country, but the first thing people will do after hearing that is ask, “If it’s a great country, why in the hell are you campaigning in my country?”.

Follow this advice in the future and you will have a more successful trip overseas.  The  people there will tweet the people here to vote for you.  (Unless they don’t have a Twitter account.)

Weird Dream

I had a dream that I won the election and became President.  That’s not the weird part.  I won 454 of the 538 electoral votes. (I lost in New York and California.)  That’s not the weird part either.  The weird part was that I had absolutely no press coverage.  I wasn’t mentioned in any polls, there was no cheating on either my part or by any of my supporters.  The reactions by the election night hosts on the networks were from bewildered to outrage.  Below are some of the few reactions:

• CNN – Anderson Cooper kept mumbling, “Ahmnodt Heare” while looking like Wolf Blitzer just ripped a “Silent-but-Deadly.”
• MSNBC – Chris Matthews blew a gasket.  “Who the **** is Ahmnodt Heare?  How in the **** did he win?  Seriously, who is he?”
• Fox News chose not to mention my name.  They ran with “Obama Defeated” without mentioning who beat him.
• Current TV – Keith Olbermann said, “November 6, 2012 – Americans played ‘Oddball’ and hit the jackpot!”
• CBS News did have some ground reporters talking to people who voted for me.  They also had a countdown to December 21 on the bottom of the screen.
• NBC News managed to find out something about me.  Kelly O’Donnell was reading my platform to the audience.  Luke Russert alternated moments between agony and outright laughter.
• ABC News was looking to get President Obama’s reaction to his shocking loss.

My father called me and told me that TMZ was around his neighborhood looking for dirt on me.  TMZ does not want me to become president because a large part of their business is following and reporting on Cinemafia stars.

Twitter was abuzz with the election.  The leading trend the entire night was either “Ahmnodt Heare” or “Who is Ahmnodt Heare.”  Other keywords pertaining to my campaign included, “Cinemafia”, “Vanna White Supremacist”, and “Orgies for Abstinence.”

The more I look back at the dream, the more I can envision the entire dream happening as I recalled it.  The part most likely to happen is the mainstream media being left in the dark as to how I won.  I’ll probably end up having my first interview as President-Elect with Alex Jones.

Debating Debating

There is yet another debate tonight.  This one is in Arizona and will air on CNN at 8:00PM Eastern / 6:00PM Mountain.  I was debating on whether I was going to do anything in real time.  I have come to the conclusion that the Republicans are afraid of me and will not invite me to debate them.  The other candidates have tried to refrain from mentioning me, but they can’t help but slip an ad hominem attack; saying false things like “Ahmnodt Heare to continue’s Obama’s economic policies.”

I have decided to debate.  Though there have been 22 debates already, there hasn’t been a debate in almost a month.  There is only one debate among the Republicans after today and it won;t be until March 19.  I have decided to tweet my debate answers and rebuttals on Twitter because it will help me keep my answers short.  My tweets will appear on your Facebook wall if you are my Facebook friend.  I will accept friends until the start of the debate and after the debate.  I will answer to replies or questions posted on Facebook or on Twitter so feel free to ask!  (It’s not like Wolf Blitzer is going to ask me a question tonight.)