WANTED: Running Mate

If you have some free time between January 2017 and January 2021, please consider running as my running mate in the 2016 election.  Below are the requirements that must be met in order to be considered to be a Vice President:

• Must be at least 35 years old by January 20, 2017.
• Must be a United States citizen not residing in the State of Delaware. (The President and Vice-President must be from different states as per the U.S. Constitution.
• Must not have a police record with any felonies.

If you meet the criteria and you want to considered a candidate to be my running mate, then send an e-mail to my campaign manager the reasons why you should be my running mate.  The e-mail should include the following:

1. Why my campaign excites you.
2. The skills and experience you can add.
3. Your best Chili Con Carne recipe.
4. Why you would be assassination insurance so I can live throughout our term.

If you are interested in a cabinet position or the position of First Lady, feel free to e-mail my campaign manager indicating the position you desire (doggy style is not a cabinet position) and a brief summary including the first three points of the Vice-President position.

 

Applications will be accepted until February 16, 2015 at 12:00PM Eastern Standard Time.  Enter early and often!  America needs you!

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Running Mate Needed (Again)

I have received an e-mail from my 2012 running mate Albeeee Thayer today saying that he would be unable to run as my running mate.  He wants to expand his business and campaigning would take time away from that.  He did wish me well and said he would continue to campaign for me when he has the time.  He also wanted to send a note for anybody in the Abilene, TX area that he will host future “Orgies for Abstinence” rallies in his home starting with the next one on April 5, 2013.

I will be changing my e-mail address soon.  There seems to be a lot of people sending e-mail to me at my current address who say that they get a message that my address does not exist.  The spammers all seem to find it and I do get e-mails from many supporters.  I will have a new address soon.

Don’t forget to check my livestreaming of “How to Hang-Glide off a Fiscal Cliff” tonight at 8:30PM Eastern /6:30PM Mountain time.

Paul Ryan

In case you missed it, Mitt Romney named Majority Whip Paul Ryan to be his running mate.  This is good news for my campaign.  Picking Paul Ryan all but assures that Mitt Romney will nor be elected President.  Don’t get me wrong, Congressman Ryan has all that it takes to be Vice-President.  He can vote the way he’s supposed to vote to break ties in the Senate.  He can go to ribbon-cutting ceremonies and give speeches.  And he can brew coffee.  (Since he would be Romney’s Vice-President, he wouldn’t have to brew coffee often because Romney doesn’t drink coffee.)

There are three reasons why Paul Ryan is a bad choice for Vice-President.  The first is because he it touted as a”Budget Guru”. but the budget he proposed in 2010 promised ten more years of Bush-sized deficits.  One reason why Obama won in 2008 was because he promised we would no longer have Bush-sized deficits.  (He didn’t tell us that his deficits would be much larger.)

The second is because he is hardly what one would call “assassination insurance”.  People want their president around for four years.  The reason why no serious attempt has been put on any president in recent years is because people were too scared of what would happen if the Vice-President became President.  This is why Dan Quayle, Al Gore, Dick Cheney, and Joe Biden have been picked as Vice-President.  As bad as things were with George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama have been, it would have been worse if either of their vice-presidents were to take over.  Joe Biden is why Barack Obama is still alive and is why Hillary Clinton will never be a vice-president.

The third reason is because Paul Ryan is not Albee Thayer.  Albee Thayer is one of the best debaters in the world and would easily beat Ryan and Biden in a Vice-Presidential debate.

I wish the Romney/Ryan ticket luck, but it won’t do much good.  One foot is already in the grave and the other is on a banana peel on a wet marble floor.

The Vetting Process

The vetting process is one of the most agonizing aspects of running for office.  Mitt Romney is currently undergoing the process in his pursuit of a running mate.  Barack Obama went through the process in 2008 and somehow ended up with Joe Biden.  I went through it in 2008 and again a few months ago.  I went through the traditional vetting process in 2008 and it proved to be disastrous.  I would find out after the process that candidates were either felons, Canadian, under 35, or (in the case of one of the female candidates) unwilling to put out.  I ended up running for both President and Vice-President because I couldn’t find a qualified candidate for vice-president.

My 2012 search did not start any better.  I found someone who was fully qualified but backed down once she was under the media scrutiny.  It was soon after my trip to the ashram in Oregon in 2009 that I discovered a better vetting process.  I have learned to trust my instincts and use vetting methods and decision-making that work best for me.

Albee Thayer beat out other candidates including former Team USA hockey player Dave Christian, Alice Cooper, and Betty White.

The method used when I am with friends and we're looking to determine which nudie bar will be blessed with our presence.

H

The Magic 8-Ball is my consulting tool when I am stumped on forming policy decisions.

I cannot speak with certainty about the other candidates, but I am well-equipped to handle the challenges I will face as President.

A Word From the Running Mate

My Fellow Americans,

My name is Albee Thayer.  I am honored to have been tapped by Ahmnodt Heare to be his running mate.  (By “tapped” I mean “chosen” not “tapped like a stick to a maple tree for syrup.  I haven’t had the time to introduce myself because I have been busy on my ranch and campaigning here in the Abilene, TX area.

I was born in New York City on November 7, 1958 and grew up in the suburbs.  My father was a junior vice-president at a Wall Street firm and my mother was a history teacher.  They instilled a tough work ethic in me.  I graduated high school a year early and received my Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration from the Abilene Christian University in only three years.  I later earned my MBA degree in Executive Management at the University of Texas.

I run a 80-acre ranch in the outskirts of Abilene with hundreds of steer and antelope roaming the ranch.  I shared the ranch with my wife Beatrice and our son Tyler until they were killed by a drunk driver in 1998.  I never remarried as I kept busy growing the ranch and trying other business ventures.

A Republican by trade, I became disenfranchised with the party and left in 2002 when they continued the spending the Democrats started.  After taking a look at other parties and even trying to start my own party (If you ever heard of the “Checkbook Party” about 10 years ago, that was the party I started.

I am proud to say that I voted for Ahmnodt Heare in 2008.  He doesn’t know this yet, but I wrote my name in for vice-president because i thought holding both offices is too much for anybody, even Ahmnodt.  My interest in him and his campaign started with his fight against the Cinemafia.  I have had a similar fight with the sports mafia.  I would sometimes make the drive to the Dallas – Fort Worth area to see the Cowboys and the Stars.  I became outraged by the ever-increasing prices to see the game as well as food and beer (which is way more expensive than at a bar or church and is watered down.)  At least the Cinemafia doesn’t charge for parking.  It was $20 the last time I went to Texas Stadium in 2007.

Ahmnodt will be back tomorrow.  He is currently traveling through New Hampshire campaigning in small towns near the border with Canada.  He will be back tomorrow with updates from the trail.  If you have any questions about me, feel free to ask them in the comments section below.

Sincerely,

Albee Thayer

Independent Write-In Candidate for Vice President

The Third Annual “I Have a New Running Mate” Post

If I have a weakness with my campaign, it’s my inability to keep a running mate.  Whether the problem was because the stress of being a candidate got to them or they said bad things about Vanna White, I go through more vice presidential candidates than Kenny dies in South Park.  This time I think I got it.

His name is Albee Thayer.  He is a rancher in the Abilene, Texas area.  The greatest day in his life was when he found out he was born on the exact same day as Vanna.  (Damned right I’m jealous!)  He is totally on board with my campaign and has dedicated 50 acres of his ranch to help out with my health care plan.

I finally have a candidate who fits all of the qualifications (35 or older, American, no prison record, disdain of Justin Bieber’s music) and has the time and energy required to campaign an international candidate.

The word is getting out.  “Heare and Thayer 2012”

Who On Stage Would Be My Vice President?

It is hard to pick a vice president.  I have tried in the past and ran into problems (age, arrest records, country of origin, etc.)  Out of those on stage debating, I would choose Michele Bachmann.  I would choose her because a president can never be too careful.  Sometimes a president makes decisions that are unpopular.  Michele Bachmann would be my candidate because there would be times when I would need assassination insurance.  She is best suited to be my vice-president for that reason.