Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Allegations Confronted

The pressure is on the Obama and Romney campaigns.  They and their supporters have stopped at nothing to try to smear my campaign. Below are the allegations followed by the truth:

  • Ahmnodt Heare has been using performance-enhancing drugs – This is utterly false.  Polls from Reuters, Fox News, NBC, CBS, NY Times, The Onion, Wall Street Journal, and others both show Obama and Romney with substantial leads over everybody else.  I am not even mentioned in these polls.  If I was using these drugs, I would at least appear as a blip in the polls.
  • Ahmnodt Heare plans to buy a majority share in Diebold – If I had that kind of money, I would have spent it on ads and election officials.  Diebold is a multi-billion dollar company who does not accept Marlboro Miles as currency.
  • Ahmnodt Heare is planning an “October Surprise” – Well, duh!  Every campaign has an October surprise or two that they will use late in October to try to cripple opponents.  I will release mine on October 30.  (If I remember.)
  • Ahmnodt Heare has been registering dead people to vote – What I have done is not registering dead people to vote.  What I have been doing is getting dead people to get themselves to register to vote.   Many of the recently deceased are already registered to vote and now need only to show up to vote.

I will address other allegations as they develop.  (Except for the embarrassing moment I had with a mannequin in the dressing room at Kohl’s. – I dismiss that as a “youthful indiscretion” as I was younger last weekend than I am now.)

August 25, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, election, humor, Obama, politics, Romney, satire, scandal | , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Allegations Confronted

I Would Advise Against Doing This

New Mexico Man Registers Dog to Vote

Like any other candidate, I am looking for ways to get people registered to vote and to vote (specifically for me.)  the keyword is “people.”  My niche has been to include the deceased providing they can find a way to get to the polls and vote.  I would advise against allowing dogs to vote.

It’s hard enough to teach a dog how to fetch a stick, sit, or to play dead (not for voting purposes.)  Getting a dog to 1)fill out a registration ballot, 2) learn the issues and candidates, 3)teach how to read a ballot, and 4)how to cast a vote is too much for even the smartest dog to learn.

My neighbor is a registered dog trainer.  I asked her how much it would cost to have my dog to be trained to vote.  My dog meets the basic criteria for voting: 1)He’s a U.S. citizen.  2)He is 77 years old (in dog years.) and 3)has never been convicted of a crime.  (He did it, but there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him.)  She said that dogs can’t be trained to vote because the thought process involved in voting is too much for dogs.  She has a point, judging by the people currently in office, voting might be too much for many humans to handle.

My dog would have another problem.  Since I am writing a write-in campaign, my dog would have to learn to write my name and know which spot to write my name.

"I'm not chasing after no stick!"

And before you think about it, cats are worse.  They’re into doing their own thing, including voting for whom they want.  It doesn’t matter how much you love them, feed them, or clean out their box.  Cats are cats and they’re going to do their own thing.

March 1, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, satire, voting | , , , | Comments Off on I Would Advise Against Doing This

Off to the Morgue!

I used to campaign in cemeteries.  Dead people vote in Philadelphia and Chicago all the time.  I was not about to concede a Democratic Party monopoly when it comes to the deceased.  So I would spend at least one day a week campaigning in cemeteries.  Things were going well until I was one-upped by a gentleman from Massachusetts running for Senate.  He was able to get dead people to register to vote.

I have learned through various sources that a voter has to vote at least once every four years to keep his or her registration active.  I want to take the time to register the deceased people to vote, but there are living people whose votes I need also.  Instead of campaigning at cemeteries, I will be doing campaigns at morgues and at funeral parlors (between viewings).  Because people at morgues and funeral parlors are recently deceased, they are probably still registered and probably voted in November’s record-turnout election.

I will be hitting the morgues tonight and the funeral parlors from time-to-time starting Monday.

March 27, 2009 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, election, issues, satire | , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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