Here We Go Again!

I tried to live a normal life, but I was not meant to have a normal life.  Some people can’t work a  9:00AM until 5:00PM job.  A few people can’t eat ordinary processed foods due to various allergies and ailments.  There are even people who insist on setting up a roll of toilet paper with the paper to pull down in front of the roll.

Every time I try to resume a normal life away from politics, something happens and people feel compelled to drag me back in the fire.  There were two things that happened in the last week that got people upset enough that they had to talk to me into running for President.

The first thing was President Obama proposing that voting be mandatory.  Many people are petrified that the only options on a Presidential ballot are Hillary Clinton or Jeb Bush.  I know that the Libertarian, Green, Birthday, and other Parties will have candidates, but most people are conditioned to believe that there are only two candidates.

I mentioned the second point in my most recent blog entry.  My biggest fear with a Ted Cruz “presidency” is that Stephen Harper will be the de facto President of the United States.  If you have seen how badly he is running Canada, there is no way you’d want him to be running our country.

It will take me a while before my campaign is fully operational.  My first order of business is to find a volunteer campaign manager who is not currently in prison or living on a commune because he or she found Harry Kirshner.Hare Krishna.  The campaign should be fully operational by the second weekend of April.

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Decisions 2014

I made some very important decisions today.  Some decisions will have more impact on my future than others,  Voting was mandatory because I am an inspiring presidential candidate.  I wrote in Seaford, DE native Delino DeShields for every office and ballot initiative.  Below are other important decisions I made today:

• Shopping for a can opener – I spent more than I usually did for an opener, but I made up for it by buying a quality can opener that I won’t have to replace next week.
• I postponed cleaning my yard until tomorrow – Just like I postponed yard cleaning yesterday until today.
• I cooked corn as a side dish with chicken tonight instead of peas.  I also voted for stuffing over egg noodles.

My voting decisions were not limited to personal decisions.  A very important campaign decision was also made today.  Tomorrow morning I will leave Seaford and head to Dixville Notch, New Hampshire.  I hope to arrive in Dixville Notch by Sunday.  It is important to go there first because people vote there first and a victory there will be the boost my campaign will need.

This has been a long day and tomorrow promises to also contain 24 hours.  Enjoy your evening!

State-by-State Polling Data

The latest poll conducted by the Telepathic Data Polling Corporation (TDPC) shows that not only am I mentioned in most states, that I am winning in Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Maine, Michigan, Montana, North Carolina, New Hampshire, Nevada, Oregon, South Dakota, and West Virginia.  I will need a majority of the electoral votes because the Constitution states that a candidate has to have a majority of electoral votes and that simply having the most among three or more candidates is not enough.

While the reason why people are voting for whom they are voting for was not asked in the poll, Sierra Lightpath from Thermopolis, Wyoming stated it best in a telepathic message:

“If either the Democrats’  or Republicans’ policies have worked, we’d all belong to the same party.”

 

If you live in one of the states where I am in a close second or third place, please tell a stranger or two about my campaign.  (Talking to friends about politics is a good way to lose friends.)  I will be spending the bulk of this week in New Jersey and Delaware and will try to find time to get to the states I am close in the polling.

The latest is a state-by-state update:

AL – Romney 35 Heare 32 Obama 32

AK – Romney 57 Obama 40 Heare 1

AR – Heare 47 Romney 32 Obama 20

AZ – Romney 45 Heare 43 Obama 8

CA – Obama 57 Romney 23 Heare 10

CT – Obama 62 Heare 20 Romney 12

CO – Heare 75 Romney 14 Obama 11

DC – Obama 92 Heare 7 Romney 1

DE – Obama 53 Heare 47 Romney 10

FL – Heare 40 Romney 30 Obama 28

GA – Heare 34 Romney 33 Obama 33

HI – Obama 61 Heare 30 Romney 10

IA – Obama 47 Romney 43 Heare 9

ID – Heare 47 Romney 27 Obama 20

IN – Heare 50 Obama 25 Romney 24

KS – Romney 80 Obama 20 Heare 20

KY – Heare 100

LA – Romney 43 Heare 40 Obama 18

MA – Obama 59 Heare 40 Romney 2 Johnson 2

MD – Obama 49 Romney 43 Heare 11

ME – Heare 48 Obama 42 Romney 14

MI – Heare 55 Obama 30 Romney 15

MN – Obama 51 Romney 47 Heare 20

MO – Romney 35 Heare 34 Obama 34

MS – Romney 58 Obama 30 Heare 12

MT – Heare 75 Romney 21 Obama 23

NC – Heare 60 Obama 20 Romney 18

ND – Romney 38 Obama 37 Heare 35

NE – Romney 43 Heare 42 Obama 25

NH – Heare 58 Obama 42 Romney 7

NJ – Obama 59 Heare 50 Romney (-9)

NM –  Obama 47 Romney 46 Heare 7

NV – Heare 70 Obama 25 Romney 10

NY – Obama 59 Romney 49 Heare (-8)

OH – Romney 40 Obama 40 Heare 20

OK – Romney 56 Obama 44 (Heare is not allowed to be on the ballot in OK due to OK laws)

OR – Heare 95 Obama 4 Romney 2

PA – Obama 47 Romney 46 Heare 9

RI – Obama 58 Romney 30 Heare 10

SC – Romney 60 Obama 20 Heare 18

SD – Heare 34 Obama 33 Romney 33

TN – Romney 34 Obama 29 Heare 28 Nader 20

TX – Romney 49 Heare 40 Obama 32

UT – Romney 101

VA – Obama 40 Heare 30 Romney 29

VT – Obama 60 Heare 39 Romney 3

WA – Obama 45 Romney 30 Heare 30

WI – Obama 41 Romney 39 Heare 31

WV – Heare 91 Romney 20 Obama (-11)

WY – Romney 75 Obama 11 Heare 11 Stein 11

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Canada – Obama 78 Heare 21 Romney 3

United Kingdom – Heare 62 Obama 38 Romney 1

Lichtenstein – Heare 89 Obama 6 Romney 6

China –  Romney 51 Bush 49

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Margin of Error +/- 50%

NOTE:  Not all numbers equal 100% due to rounding and/or bad arithmetic.

 

How to Keep Money Out of Politics

It’s simple enough to write in one sentence: “Don’t vote for the people putting money into politics.”  But since you want to read more than one sentence, I will milk this and go deeper in what I mean.

Over one billion dollars is expected to be spent on the presidential election with millions more on local, state, and federal elections.  All other parties combined will spend less than two million on all elections.  Ahmnodt Heare will not spend a dime on his campaign because he knows the only way to take money out of politics is to never put it in there to begin with.  (I wrote that sentence in third-person in case you wanted to copy it and paste it as your Facebook status or place it in a reply to someone else’s political posting.)

The bottom line is that if you want to take money out of politics, then you have to vote for me for President.  I am the only Presidential candidate I know of that is running a penniless campaign.  If you vote for anybody else, you are probably voting for someone who is putting money into politics.  This vicious cycle will continue until people like you (and you) start voting for people who don’t put money in politics.  I thank you for your continued support.

The Children Get It

People have criticized me for years for campaigning to children who will not be allowed to vote in 2012.  While it’s true that they cannot vote for me in the upcoming presidential election, it doesn’t mean I won’t be their president.  It is important to teach children at a young age to be model citizens.

I often teach children the dangers of the Cinemafia and how to avoid the lure of being a child star.  According to a recent story, they have been paying attention and they have been taking my advice.

Miley Cyrus was voted as being the worst influence on children in 2010.  This wasn’t voted on by registered voters or by that lame parenting group Tipper Gore belongs to.  The people who voted were the children themselves.  Many of these children are under 15 and will not be able to vote for me next year.  They know that smoking saliva salvia is bad.  They know they shouldn’t be known as “the kid who smokes from a bong.”  Most of all, they know not to allow themselves to interact with the Cinemafia and their promise of fame and fortune, only to have their adult lives be a train wreck.

As long as good people take the time to be an influence on children, we won’t have to worry about bad people influencing them.

Voting in Sudan

People are finally able to vote in Sudan after years of struggle.  Nothing against the fine people of Sudan, but I am not running for President of the Sudan at this time.

Roughed up in Philly

I have just returned from an impromptu and ill-advised campaign stop in Philadelphia.  I had spent the morning in Trenton, New Jersey meeting a client.  What was to be an all-day meeting was cut abruptly when my client received word that his sea monkey had passed away.  I can relate.  Losing a pet can be traumatic.  The meeting has been postponed until Saturday.  I don’t like working Saturdays, but “Mokko” (as he is known, though I do not know why) has been one of my best clients.

I was going to go home, but it was cold.  I decided to drive south to Philadelphia.  I drove around the streets of Philadelphia looking for something to do when I came across a cemetery.  I went into the cemetery and starting campaigning.

Two men in business attire walked up to me and asked what I was doing.  I told them I was campaigning for the 2012 election.  They told me to stop.  I asked why.

“They already know who they are going to vote for.” the taller of the two men said.  “They don’t need no competition.”

“You mean, ‘they don’t need any competition’.”  I replied.  “You used a double-negative.”

“Shut the duck up!”  The shorter guy said.  (Only they didn’t say “duck”, but my mother reads this blog.)

“Competition is good.  I think the deceased would like to hear what I have to say.”  I said.

“Not these dead people!” the tall guy replied.

The short guy went behind me and grabbed my arms.  The tall guy punched me twice in the face and twice in the ribs.  The little man then slammed me to the ground.

The only thing I can think of why people would beat me up in a cemetery is that some people who normally vote for Democrats voted for me in 2008 instead of Barack Obama.  Campaigning in cemeteries works better than I thought and getting beat up proves it.