Weekend Itinerary

It’s back to the campaign trail this weekend.  I will be along the western banks of the Hudson River speaking to various groups:

Saturday

12:00PM – Highland Falls, NY – I will be speaking to a senior citizen group called “SAWAC” (Seniors for Access to Whips And Chains).  I will be addressing this active senior group plans to make the equipment they need more easily accessible.  The speech will be short so I don’t hold them up for their daily naps.

1:30PM – West Haverstraw, NY – I will organize a speech in front of the motor vehicles office explaining my motor vehicle department plan.

3:00PM – Nyack, NY – I will wonder aimlessly through the streets of Nyack and hopefully figure out what the hell they are thinking about.  I hope this won’t take too long.

4:30PM – NY/NJ border on U.S. 9W – I will try to bring peace to the border after a tough NHL Eastern Conference final.  Rangers fans and Devils fans were in each others’ faces and has made life difficult for those of us who think both teams suck.  (LET’S GO CAPS!!!)  By Caps, I mean the Washington Capitals, not typing in all caps.  I only typed in caps because I always yell when I say that.

6:00PM – Fort Lee, NJ – I will be at the western end of the George Washington Bridge discouraging people from jumping.  I won’t mention my campaign to anybody who is thinking about jumping until they are convinced that jumping off the bridge is not the answer and the meds they will probably have to take start kicking in.

8:00PM – Hoboken, NJ – My last stop tomorrow will involve a seance with fellow Hobokeners and trying to summon the spirit of Hoboken’s favorite son, Frank Sinatra.  I am confident he will endorse my campaign posthumously.

Sunday I will be hitting the Wal-Marts in Franklin and Newton, NJ – Monroe and Middletown, NY – Milford, Honesdale, and Dickson City, PA.  I will be showing my appreciation to Wal-Mart associates who keep prices low for working for less.  Workers who smoke will be given a cigarette as a token of my appreciation.

I’ll be going to bed soon because I have a long weekend ahead.

Advertisement

My New Dog

I finally got myself another dog.  The last dog I had died last April.  The funny thing about the dog I have now is that it is Emma’s son from her only litter which she had a total of nine puppies.  The new dog’s name is Murray and I obtained him because his owners are moving to an apartment where dogs are not allowed.

I am not campaigning today, but if you want to say “Hi”, I will be at the Wal-Mart in Franklin, NJ around 9:30 to buy dog food.  If you don’t want to say Hi, I’ll be at the biker bar at around 2:00PM.

Off to DC!

I am heading to Washington as soon as this blog entry is posted.  I should be in Washington by 1:00PM.  I’ll have some time to dilly-dally and campaign before picking up my daughter Patricia from school at 3:45.  We’ll spend time at Chuck E. Cheese playing arcade games before heading to the Verizon Center to watch the Capitals play the Tampa Bay Lightning.  I’ll buy her a replica Alexander Ovechkin jersey and an Alexander Semen Semin jersey for myself.

We will head to Wal-Mart after the game.  I am going to let Patricia pick out her present this year.  I am not always the best gift buyer.  We will go to my parents’ house (providing my father remembers that we are coming late after the game) for the weekend.

Tomorrow will be a day for sight-seeing.  Patricia will probably see all of the famous DC landmarks like I did growing up in Washington.  I saw them on class trips and seeing sights on class trips usually sucked except for not being in class that day.  Tomorrow will be the Washington Monument, the Supreme Court Building, and the the Royal Palace Gentleman’s Club.

I will be stopping at rest areas to check my e-mail.  If I come across anything interesting I will mention it on my Facebook page.

Damage Control

An unidentified man was found sleeping on a couch in a Brookings, SD home.  I just want to assure anybody that it wasn’t me.  While I do have a bad habit of sleeping on strangers’ couches, I can assure you that I have never been in Brookings, South Dakota except to campaign a couple of times during the 2008 campaign.

I may have had a few drinks to have the last time I was at TheRam and that I do not remember the rest of the night, I did not wake up in a couch.  I woke up in the Toy department in the Wal-Mart on Sixth Street.

This is just to let everybody know that I am innocent.  I wasn’t in South Dakota last week.  I was in New York campaigning all last week.

Always Low Prices

Imagine the shock I saw when I saw this sign posted by Wal-Mart while driving:

Ahmnodt Heare for Wal-Mart also.

I am normally notified in advance of an endorsement.  This was not the case this time around.  I haven’t been around to see if other Wal-Marts have this also of if this particular store was acting independently.

I am pleased to see my campaign continue to pick up traction in areas thought to be impossible for Independents like myself.