Starting From Scratch

Preparations are now underway for Orgies for Abstinence V.  I thought I had pamphlets left over from Orgies for Abstinence IV, but I do not.  I couldn’t find a copy on my hard drive or on any USB drive or CD-Roms.  These pamphlets are a vital part of bringing abstinence awareness at orgies.  Without them, it will be like any other Friday night.

i went through search engines hoping to find a template for abstinence.  I couldn’t find a template, but I did find a Christian organization that was selling pamphlets.  This cannot do.  Abstinence information is too important to sell.  This information should be available for free.

I will be volunteering next weekend for the “Condoms for Cousins” campaign up in the mountains.  I am hoping we can get enough condoms so I could have some of what is left over for the “Orgies for Abstinence” campaign.

Critics in the past have asked my why do I need condoms and Viagra to promote abstinence.  It is fair and valid question.  The answer is the same reason why the military uses guns, bombs, and tanks to promote peace.  Sometimes you have to do what is against your beliefs to get to the point where you can abide by your mores.

The formatting for pamphlets will make it impossible to post it here, but when I am finished, I will provide a link to where you can print it in WYSIWYG format.

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Observation #gopdebate

Rick Santorum is concern about freedom for gays in Iran.  So we should go to war with them.  Good thing he doesn’t think gays in America should have the right to marry or he’d be bombing us too.

Orgies for Abstinence III

It’s that time of year again.  The Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign is pleased to announce “Orgies for Abstinence III” at a location hopefully near you.  (And hopefully near me).

For those new to the campaign, this is an event that promotes abstinence.  I took a page from the government playbook.  For years, the government has been promoting war as a way to bring about peace.  With the success the government feels it has has with ‘War for Peace” and the success of “Orgies for Abstinence”, I can see other events popping up soon.  I can see events like “Buffets against Obesity”, “Dropouts for Advanced Education” and “Interior Decorators Against Gay Marriage.”

Once again, there is a signup on Facebook.  You are strongly encouraged to invite all of your friends and half of your enemies to attend this very special event.  Together, we can promote abstinence in a way that can only be experienced by attending an orgy.

Do Not Forget!

Today is Election Day.  It is important that you vote.  New Jersey and Virginia will vote for a governor.  New York City will vote for a mayor.  Upstate New York will vote for an interim congressperson.

You should vote today even if the most important office up for grabs in your community is “dog catcher.”  Local elections are important because these are the people who write the pesky little laws that makes living in your town a sucky experience.

After you perform your patriotic duty by voting, you can experience what it is like to be a politician treating his or her constituents by attending an “Orgies for Abstinence” event taking place throughout the country.  If you can’t find one, then feel free to host one among friends.  Remember that Orgies for Abstinence is like War for Peace – only more fun!

Now get out and vote!

Orgies for Abstinence

The United States have historically fought wars for peace.  It must be working because we have been doing it for years.  It is in this spirit that I believe we should promote abstinence through orgies.

Abstinence is important because those who abstain from sex are less likely to get pregnant, transmit sexually transmitted diseases, and wake up next to a person they do not know.  Those who abstain from sex are also more likely to watch the news and be informed on the issues, including the “war for peace” approach.

I hope to have a list of places that will participate in the “Orgies for Abstinence” next week.  If you support abstinence, then feel free to participate at an orgy near you.

Special Radio Show – “State of America”

I will be doing a very special show tonight at 7PM Eastern on the state of America.  I will also take phone calls from listeners.  The number if you wish to call is (347) 945-7487.  Tell all of your friends and half of your enemies.  Together we can try to save America!

Filling a Void

Now that the Presidential Race of 2008 is done and over with, many Americans feel empty with the lack of Presidential Campaign news.  Many candidates will not start their campaigns until next year.  This is just one reason why I am campaigning now.  Americans can’t get enough of this stuff.

I came to this realization Tuesday night at the Ahmnodt Heare meetup in Las Vegas.  At first I thought it was just going to be a bunch of senior citizens wanting to be fed.  I found that many people had issues that weren’t being met by either President Obama nor by John McCain.

They loved my jobs and stimulus plan.  They also like that I think outside the box.   But we don’t agree on everything.

While the seniors liked my plan on making sure they are fed, they frankly wished I leave Celine Dion alone.  Many of them find her entertaining.  I don’t know if she is actually entertaining or if senility has set in among the seniors, but I will have to assume the former for now.

Some of the people at the meetup thought my “9-5 War” would be better served if we invaded California.  I tried to explain to them that California is part of the United States and that they generate revenue that our country needs.  One gentleman brought up a valid point though.  He said that the “entertainers in Hollywood” really aren’t any better than the ones imported from Canada.  I will look at this situation further before deciding how to handle it.

I am looking for other Presidential candidates who are interested in debating the issues.  If you know anybody, please have them contact me.