Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Canada’s Latest Weapon

Contrary to what Canadians will tell you, Prime Minister Stephen Harper is a very clever man.  Not only has he been able to have his spies infiltrate the Great American Entertainment Industry, he has also been able to infiltrate the Untied States Senate representing a state that hates immigrants.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta.  Calgary may seem American, but it’s actually in Canada.  Just because the Calgary Flames play hockey against American-based team doesn’t make Calgary an American city any more than the Washington Capitals playing games against Canadian-based teams makes Washington, D.C. a Canadian city.

If that isn’t enough to scare you, Cruz’s father fought for Fidel Castro in the Cuban Revolution. Castro won the revolution, which lead to strained relations between the United States and Cuba as well as an embargo against Cuba.

I do not know why Republicans, who complained about President Obama possibly being born in Kenya knowingly support a candidate knowingly born outside the United States.  I wonder how Republicans (and Democrats) can be so cozy with a country like Canada.  If Republicans really loved the United States like the good patriots they claim to be, there is no way that they would consider voting for Ted Cruz in a primary.

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March 24, 2015 Posted by | Canada, commentary, editorial, foreign policy, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

State of the Union Address Tuesday Night

President Obama will be giving the State of the Union address tomorrow evening.  I will be commenting in real-time my take on the address as well as the Republican responses.  Later in the week, I will also be writing the State of the Union address I would have given if I was elected.

A couple of notes about tomorrow night’s entries:

  • My comments will probably be a bit more jaded than in previous State of the Union addresses in the past.  Not because I am bitter about the election, but because I am bitter about the poor start the Washington Capitals’ season and that they currently have the worst record in the NHL.  Adam Oates would have been a better coach if he was still with Darryl Hall.  Life hasn’t been the same since Hall and Oates broke up.
  • I may not watch the entire address.  I will try, but Obama bores me.  At least with Bush, there was always a chance of a gaffe.  It would be more entertaining if Joe Biden gave it for Obama, but it is what it is.
  • I have a bad habit of getting sick during addresses and debates.  I am drinking orange juice (with just a little bit of vodka) to keep healthy.

I shall return to regular blogging here on March 4.  I will remind you now that February 19 is Vanna White’s birthday and I will be unavailable for interviews due to religious observation.

February 11, 2013 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Joe Biden, Obama, politics, satire, State of the Union, Vanna White | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on State of the Union Address Tuesday Night

An Open Letter to NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman

Dear Commissioner Bettman:

My name is Ahmnodt Heare and I am a lifelong NHL fan. (GO CAPS! GO!)  I like hockey so much that I would even sit through a Blue Jackets-Islanders game if it was on television.  I have watched every Stanley Cup Finals since 1983 (Except for the first season they were on OLN – My cable company didn’t carry it then).

It seems that every time hockey is about to get popular in the United States, you and the owners lock the players out and there is no hockey.  I don’t know where you live, but I live in the northeastern United States.  Winters here are cold and brutal.  We need hockey to keep us sane during the winter months.  We don’t need it quite as much in the fall and spring, but I watch it then because I like hockey.

I thought you were the worst sports commissioner at first, but the NHL has done some things to improve the game like the Outdoor Classic.  And you have been wise enough not to have these outdoor classics in places like Phoenix and Miami or other places that are warm in the winter.  On the other hand, you have instituted a shootout to determine outcome of games.  This is a bad idea.  Major League Baseball doesn’t determine the end of games with a home run hitting contest.  The NFL doesn’t end games with a punt, pass, and kick competition.  Why determine games with a shootout?  What’s wrong with a tie during the regular season?  I would extend the overtime period to ten minutes and end it as a tie if neither team scores.

This might be a shock to you, but it’s OK to be popular.  You don’t have to shut down the league just because people in the United States are starting to like hockey.

I look forward to watching VERY VERY SOON!

Sincerely,

Ahmnodt F.N. Heare

Lifelong Capitals fan and candidate for President of the United States.

P.S. If you please get me a pair of complementary tickets for the Capitals at New Jersey Devils games at the Prudential Center, it would be greatly appreciated.

September 25, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

It Sounded So Good

Canada Government Dissolved

I saw that headline and did a snoopy dance.  The thought of Canada no longer sending spies like William Shatner, Celine Dion, and Justin Bieber to taint the Great American Entertainment Industry was almost orgasmic.  I went to surf the web to make sure what I heard was correct.  It was… but it wasn’t.

It turns out that the Parliament was dissolved.  And “dissolved” in Canadian has a different meaning than in English.  All it means is that Parliament gets to go home and that there will be elections in May.  It is conceivable that after all is said and done that Stephen Harper will still be Prime Minister.

It is also possible that Canada will elect a new majority to Parliament and they will pick a Prime Minister who appreciates American entertainment and won’t send the next Anne Murray south of their border.  It is important that Canadians choose MPs that will not send spies to the Unites to cause even more damage.

I have heard rumors that one reason why Justin Bieber was sent here was because Gary Bettman is an American spy sent to destroy the NHL and hockey in general.  I believe this not the case.  While American-based teams have won every Stanley Cup since 1994, I doubt that Bettman is a spy.  He hasn’t done anything to help my Washington Capitals win a Cup.  The NHL’s woes are more likely because Bettman is incompetent than him being a spy.

Here’s to hoping Canada has a successful election and that Canada and the United States can have a healthy relationship without spying on each other.

March 26, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, Canada, commentary, editorial, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , , | 4 Comments

2010 NFL SEASON – WEEK 6

Last Week:  7-7 (.500)  Best Bets 2-0 (1.000)

Season:  30-43-3  (.415) Best Bets 8-7 (.533)

An improved week and limiting the number of best bets to 2 last week made me look good.  I will go back to 3 best bets because I feel confident.  And although this has nothing to do with football, it was nice watching the Capitals on Versus last night using the Caps’ network feed (Comcast).  I felt like I was back home.

 

Date & Time Favorite Spread Underdog
10/17 1:00 ET San Diego -8 At St. Louis
10/17 1:00 ET At Houston -4.5 Kansas City
10/17 1:00 ET At New England -2.5 Baltimore
10/17 1:00 ET New Orleans -4 At Tampa Bay
10/17 1:00 ET At Philadelphia -2.5 Atlanta
10/17 1:00 ET At NY Giants -10 Detroit
10/17 1:00 ET At Chicago -6.5 Seattle
10/17 1:00 ET At Green Bay -3.5 Miami*
10/17 1:00 ET At Pittsburgh -13.5 Cleveland
10/17 4:05 ET NY Jets -3 At Denver
10/17 4:05 ET At San Francisco -6.5 Oakland
10/17 4:15 ET At Minnesota -1.5 Dallas
10/17 8:20 ET Indianapolis -3 At Washington

 

 

Monday Night Football Point Spread

10/18 8:35 ET Tennessee -3 At Jacksonville

Byes: Arizona, Buffalo, Carolina, Cincinnati

* – If Aaron Rodgers starts for the Packers , then the pick will be Green Bay to cover.

October 14, 2010 Posted by | NFL Picks | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My New Hero

I was born and raised in Washington, DC.  I was raised on following the Washington teams:  Redskins, Capitals (and to a lesser extent, the Bullets/Wizards and Georgetown).  The then-Bullets won a championship when I was very young and I don’t remember them winning it.  The Capitals have been close a few times, but they have never won a championship.  The Redskins have won three Super Bowls  (against Miami, Denver, and Buffalo) , but their last Super Bowl victory was 18 years ago.

Washington would get a baseball team in 2005 when the Expos left Montreal.  The Nats’ were a .500 team the first year in Washington, but had gone downhill since.  Things were looking better for 2010.  They were playing close to .500 baseball when they brought up my new hero Stephen Strasburg.  They’re currently 30-31 and are 5 games out of first.

The Nationals have a “once-in-a-generation” pitcher.  Not just a “once-in-a-generation” pitcher for the Nationals (Expos), one for the entire league.  Strasburg has brought more buzz to baseball than Dwight Gooden did when he started with the Mets and Fernando Valenzuela did when he was a rookie with the Dodgers.

Strasburg’s first game was Tuesday against the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Aside from allow two runs, he was a freak.  He struck out 14 Pirates with a blistering fastball and a wicked curveball.

My hero!

For the first time since the Nationals started baseball, I feel like they will win a World Series before I get old.  I’m just hoping that they don’t choke like the Caps did.

June 11, 2010 Posted by | commentary, editorial, Washington | , , , , , , , | Comments Off on My New Hero

Thank You Philadelphia Flyers!

Watching hockey for the last month has been a bit painful.  Nothing is more painful than watching the Montreal Canadiens advancing through the playoffs after knocking off my Capitals in the first round.  It is with great relief that the Philadelphia Flyers finally knocked off that Canadian team (They can’t even spell “Canadian” and it’s their country!) and I won’t get those constant reminders of the fact the Capitals are out of the playoffs and that Alex Ovechkin has been golfing for the last month.

I will be rooting for the Flyers in the Cup finals.  The Blackhawks are a tough team, but I am sure Scott Hartnell and Aaron Asham will slap the snot out of Toews, Kane, and Hossa.  Flyers in six.

May 25, 2010 Posted by | Canada, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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