Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Brain Farts

I am in Washington DC this holiday weekend with my parents and my daughter.  It’s my weekend for custody of my daughter.  I wanted to pick her up last weekend and have her in New Jersey for the week, but the school year has already started in Washington.  (It doesn’t start in New Jersey until Wednesday.)

I took my daughter to Nationals’ Park for the Nationals-Cardinals game this afternoon.  We were able to get pretty good seats considering the Nationals are leading the National League East and look poised to win the division.

My first brain fart happened during the “Presidential Race”.  For those not familiar with the race, The four presidents on Mount Rushmore (Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt) run around the stadium in the middle of the fourth inning during Nationals’ home games.  Teddy Roosevelt never wins.  I forgot that tidbit in betting the guy next to me.  He picked Abe Lincoln and for some reason, I picked Teddy Roosevelt.  Lincoln won and I lost.  The only bright spot is that my daughter said after the race, “Someday you’ll win the race and I’ll be rich because I will bet on you.”

The second fart was more serious.  The people in front of me were talking and I overheard them mentioning ways they would get exposure for themselves if they were running a penniless campaign like I am.  They had a bunch of very good ideas.  I forgot to write them down and I can’t remember any of them.  (I think one of the ideas involved kittens, but I forgot what was supposed to be done with them.)

The third brain fart was that I forgot where I parked the car.  Patricia and I spent a half hour trying to remember where we parked.  I usually park on the first base side because I usually sit somewhere behind first place in the nosebleed section.  I had forgotten that today I parked behind left field because the parking was a lot easier there than along the first base side.

I just spent the last five minutes looking at pictures of kittens trying to figure out how it can help my campaign, but I am stumped.  Time to take a Jack Daniels’ Brain Laxative and get the crap out of my brain so I can remember stuff.

September 1, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Brain Farts

SPECIAL REPORT: The Media and Why We’re Screwed

I do not agree with Newt Gingrich on much.  (I usually refer to him as “The Newtered One.”)  Last night he reported that the media hasn’t been reporting the economy accurately and he is correct.  The example I wished he use was the correlation between jobs created and the unemployment rate.  Many economists state what approximately 120,000 jobs have to be created every month just to keep the unemployment rate stable.  Only 40,000 jobs were created in October, yet the unemployment rate dropped from 9.1% to 9%.  When something like this happens, it’s usually because more people ran out of unemployment benefits than found jobs.  This isn’t what the media told us.  They told us that the unemployment rate is dropped and that President Obama’s plan to create jobs is working.  All the unemployment rate dictates is how many people are collecting benefits.  The 80,000 people who neither found jobs nor will collect benefits this week are not unemployed according to the government.

But it gets worse.  The media has a strange way of prioritizing news stories.  Washington National’s catcher Wilson Ramos was kidnapped yesterday in Venezuela.  That’s right, kidnapped.  Whether this makes the top news story depends on what else is happening in the world.  But this should at the very least been the top sports story.  It was not.  The top sports story (according to the media) was that Joe Paterno was fired for not reporting child sex acts performed by former Defensive Coordinator Jerry Sandusky to the police.  Paterno did report it to the Athletic Director of Penn State, but it was left there.

Meanwhile, Wilson Ramos is still kidnapped and is still being held at gunpoint against his will.  I am not trying to dismiss child molestation.  I have spoken out strongly against pedophilia in the past.  Kidnapping is a serious crime, but because it’s not a sex crime like pedophilia is, Wilson Ramos isn’t going to get the press coverage that Joe Paterno is getting.

Most Americans get their news from the media.  And while many Americans can tell you that Barack Obama is running for President as well as Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, and Rick Perry are running for President; how many Americans can tell you that Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Jon Huntsman, and Ahmnodt Heare are also running?

A decision is best made when all the facts are presented and properly prioritized.  When given limited facts in a disarray, the decisions made are more likely to be wrong.

November 10, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, issues, media, Obama, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

That Didn’t Work (and Other Stuff)

There I was Tuesday night – all set to start my new podcast.  I called in and started talking.  The chat room wouldn’t load.  The switchboard wouldn’t load.  I was getting IMs and emails saying that they couldn’t hear the show.

I will be doing a test show over the weekend.  Once the glitches have been fixed, the new show schedule will be posted.

In other news:  Phineaus J. Whoopie Thaddeus McCotter, a congressman from Michigan, has decided he is running for President.  Rumor has it that Rick Perry will also run.  Whether Sarah Palin will run remains to be seen.  (I still doubt she will, but everybody loves a circus.)

Casey Anthony – When will this story end?  Can we be talking about more important issues of the day like Kim Kardashian’s gym outfits?

Don’t look now, but the Washington Nationals are still above .500!  The bad news is that they are in the toughest division in baseball.  Things are on the up-and-up as Stephen Strasburg will be around for opening day 2012.  Go Nats!

Doctor’s appointment for my hamstring tomorrow.  I thought I would try rest, but my dog had other ideas.  He has a sudden urge to chase cute little critters like squirrels, groundhogs, bears, and cats.  He’s yanking me and my hamstring around.  Vacation time starts after the doctor visit.

My birthday is Monday.  I want a pony!

July 7, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Contest Results

There really isn’t too much to say that I didn’t say in the video.  I had to shave my head and beard because I lost a bet to a New York Mets fan.  The Nationals were leading the Mets last night 3-2 in the top of the night.  I had bet that the Nationals would hold the lead and win the game.  The Mets won the game 6-3.  😦

April 28, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor | , , | 8 Comments

Potholes

I had to deal with potholes this weekend (literally and figuratively.)  Both paid a toll on me this weekend:

Literally –  I got a little bit lost driving to CitiField with my parents and my daughter.  (They came up from Washington for the weekend.)  There are two things I noticed about the neighborhood around the stadium:  1) There are a LOT of potholes. and 2) There are a LOT of junkyards and auto body shops.    My car hit a number of potholes and ended up spending overnight at a local body shop.

Figuratively – CitiField allows people to send a message to the big board and people can see the message they texted.  My parents and I all texted “AHMNODT HEARE FOR PRESIDENT”, but none of our texts were shown.  “i ❤ nikki” was shown three times.  I don’t know if the Mets have their own presidential candidate (for their sake, I hope it’s a better candidate than Bernie Madoff was as their financial advisor).  I was also stopped from handing out campaign material after the game.

Getting my parents and daughter wasn’t too much of a problem because CitiField is near LaGuardia Airport and they were able to take a commuter flight home.  Getting me home was a different story.  I live nowhere near public transportation.  My night was spent in Manhattan at the Crown Royale Plaza.

I picked up my car yesterday late in the afternoon and ended up going to another game.  The Mets lost again, and that made my Nationals cap stick out like a sore thumb.  (The Mets played the Colorado Rockies last night after playing my Nationals on Sunday.)  It was after midnight when I finally arrived home.

April 12, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor | , , , , | 4 Comments

A Different Kind of Trade

Trades are commonplace in sports. Most trades involve one or more players for one or more players. Cash is sometimes involved in these trades. There are incidents when coaches are traded. Until now, these trades involved the same sport. My trade proposal involves the first intersport trade since the Montreal Canadiens acquired Youppi from the Montreal Expos.

My trade involves trading players from two different sports.  I would trade Washing Nationals outfielder Nyjer Morgan to the Pittsburgh Penguins for Sidney Crosby.  This trade benefits both teams.  The Penguins would acquire a speedy forward who can check and fight.

This video shows Nyjer Morgan’s checking ability with a catcher (who is wearing much more protection) and his ability to fight.  These skills are required in the NHL.

This video shows Sidney Crosby hitting a baseball out of PNC Park in Pittsburgh.  Crosby will be the perfect batter to protect Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn in the lineup:

This trade will help two teams in two different sports.  Some of the best decisions are those made outside the box.

September 9, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on A Different Kind of Trade

Whatever You Do, Don’t Do It!

If you are going to the All-Star Game in Los Angeles of Anaheim this Tuesday night, I will need you to promise you will not bring any signs that promote my campaign into the stadium.  People didn’t listen to me when I said to bring signs to various sporting events and funerals and this this needs to continue on Tuesday.

Please make sure sign is visible to the television!

Don't be like this guy. Keep your sign at home!

I will be rooting for the National League and especially Matt Capps, the Washington Nationals’ closer.  Hopefully Game One of the World Series will be held at a National League ballpark (like Nationals Park.)

July 11, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor | , , , , , , | Comments Off on Whatever You Do, Don’t Do It!

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