Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

We Won a Battle!

“My position on global warming after spending time studying it is that it is warmer in the summer than in the winter. Global Warming and any possible nuclear holocaust can be eliminated in one easy step. Aim all our nukes at the sun and fire away!”

The battle against global warming is done and we won!  Tuesday was my running day.  A warm breeze from the south rose the temperature to 78°F (26°C) as I began my mile run.  I was dripping in sweat when I finished my run two hours later.  This is November!  People aren’t supposed to sweat in November.

Two days later (That’s today), It’s currently 45°F (Who really cares what the temperature for that is in Celsius?  It’s chilly, and that’s all you need to know.)  My Thursday swim was a lot colder than I had planned.  I’ll have to wear a jacket next Thursday so I’ll keep warm.

It’s supposed to be a rain/snow mix tonight and cold for the foreseeable future.  No more sweating doing strenuous activities like running and yawning.  Tonight will be a night of roasting marshmallows, getting a bonfire going, and opening the windows so that the smoke from the bonfire can escape.

The best part was that we didn’t have to use nuclear warheads to stop global warming.  We can save the nukes for other battles like the “War on Obesity.”

November 13, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on We Won a Battle!

Bedridden

I will be laid up in bed for the next few days while I am recovering from a hamstring injury.  This will prohibit me from making the campaign events I had planned to make over the next few days.  It’s sad because I hadn’t been on the campaign trail for a while and it was yesterday that I was able to put the schedule together.

Below is the events I will not be able to attend this week:

  • Tonight – Social Networking Utilization Summit – White Plains, NY – I was supposed to give a speech on how I was able to have several tweets read on television and how having tweets read has increased the number of people following me on Twitter.  I was going to stay afterwards for the seminar on how to trend.  As popular as my campaign is becoming, #ahmnodtheare is not trending anywhere in the United States.  (Though rumor has it that #ahmnodthearesucks trends a couple times a week in Toronto and in Calgary.
  • Tomorrow – A Synopsis of Recent Weather Phenomenon – New York, NY – I was invited to speak at Columbia University to speak.  Not on what causes climate change (I have no idea) but on how (and in my speech, when) to fight climate change.
  • Thursday – Parents Without Partners – Wayne, NJ – This isn’t a traditional campaign as much as a personal stop.  But telling single moms that I am a single dad who is running for President is an ice-breaker.  It also sounds more impressive than the guy who brags about being the shift manager at Arby’s.
  • Friday – Rally in front of the FCC building – Washington, DC.  I wanted to get the word out that my name is being censored when the mainstream media is talking about presidential candidates.  Censorship is wrong (except when I need to cover my hide to better serve Americans)

I am hoping to be up and more than hopping along by Saturday.  The main obstacle is not hurting myself getting out of bed to go to the bathroom (which is how I got hurt in the first place.)

June 28, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire, Social Networking | , , , , , | 5 Comments

Trip Canceled

The trip to Punxsutawney, PA, which was supposed to leave tonight, has been canceled due to bad weather.  The weather isn’t too bad here, but it will be soon.  Punxsutawney is experiencing freezing rain and it will continue to freezing rain there until tomorrow afternoon.

My hunch is that if there is going to be falling precipitation, then it will be too dark for Punxsutawney Phil to see his shadow.  If he does see his shadow, it will be because of the lights from those TV cameras like in 2009.

If it turns out that it is dark and overcast and the groundhog still sees his shadow, then I will be spending the day calling all of the television networks providing coverage and tell them my intent to boycott their major commercial sponsors.  The media prolonging winter just because they can will no longer be tolerated.  It is about time we had an early spring, especially with the brutal winter many Americans have experienced.

February 1, 2011 Posted by | campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, media, satire | , , , , | 4 Comments

Keeping an Eye on the Weather

Groundhog Day is Wednesday.  Although it is not a state or federal holiday, I will be taking the day off and tentatively heading to Punxsutawney, PA tomorrow night.  The weather might be suggesting otherwise.

Below is the weather predicted for here in New Jersey tomorrow:

Cold with snow, accumulating 1-3 inches; sleet and freezing rain mixed in late in the day.  Sleet and freezing rain at night.

This is the weather that will be waiting for us in Punxsutawney:

Sleet and freezing rain in the evening; rain and sleet, some heavy late followed by morning icy mix; cloudy and breezy.

And the weather I can expect on my way back home:

Breezy with snow, accumulating an inch or two; sleet and freezing rain mixed in early in the day.

The weather is going to be rough from the moment I leave until after I arrive back home.  The trip round trip will encompass (I always wanted to use that word) almost 600 miles.  If the weather turns out to be as predicted, then the trip will be postponed and we will go with Plan B.

Plan B involves being awake at 7:15 AM and sending telepathic messages to Punxsutawney Phil discouraging him from seeing his shadow.  I do not know if Plan B will work as I have never had a telepathic conversation with an animal.  If you have had a telepatic conversation with a groundhog before then you are invited in joining us in sending a message to Punxsutawney Phil.

January 31, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Tough Road Trip

I am looking for some people to go to Punxsutawney, PA with me.  Groundhog Day is Tuesday and I want to make sure Punxsutawney Phil does not see his shadow.  I don’t normally ask for help, but this is complicated in a number of ways:

  • Sunrise on Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney is 7:26AM.
  • We’d probably need an hour to get a good spot.  We should leave there at 6:30
  • It takes a bit over 5 hours from Jersey City.  I am planning on meeting on Exchange Place at 1:00AM.

We should be in Punxsutawney at 6:30AM.  This will give an hour to get a good spot and to come up with a plan to take the lights from the TV cameras who will be fixated on Phil the groundhog.  The lights need to be taken because those lights make Phil see his shadow no matter how cloudy it is outside.  It is important that we return the lights after Phil does not see his shadow and we have an early spring.

We would have to leave soon after because it is supposed to snow that afternoon in New Jersey and I want to return home before the snow hits.

Let’s do this,  We’ve already had over 50 inches of snow.  That is enough snow for the winter and many of us here want spring to come ASAP.  Let’s make sure Phil does not see his shadow this year.

January 28, 2011 Posted by | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | , , , , , | 3 Comments

Road Show

Ahmnodt Heare will be live from New Paltz, NY at a local cafe* discussing the issues with the local folks, He will also take calls at 347-945-7487 during the show.

*weather permitting.  Forcast for the New Paltz area for tomorrow is 4-7″ of snow before changing to sleet and freezing rain.  It is anticipated that the storm will be in the freezing rain stage during the show.  If the forecast holds true, I will not be loading my car and heading to New Paltz to talk about global warming.  Not because of how strange it would sound, but I don’t drive in freezing rain, snow, tornadoes, car washes, or fog.

If I can make it to New Paltz, the people there will make the primary choice of topics.  If I cannot make it, the callers will get to choose the topic.  If the show cannot be hosted on BlogTalk Radio due to a blackout here, the show will be held telepathically and the topic will be Family Guy.  If the show is canceled due to my being incarcerated, the telepathic show will be about the police state.  If (I hope this doesn’t happen) I pass away between now and tomorrow, the show will be telepathic, but I will be unable to host it.

Here’s (or is it Heare’s) to hoping for decent weather so I can drive to New Paltz (and back).

January 17, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, blogtalk radio, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Why Ahmnodt? Why?

I heard through some sources that Fairbanks, Alaska was ripe and ready for me to campaign.  I decided to fly to Fairbanks on a whim and arrived here last night.  I have discovered what COLD really is.  It was -34F when I arrived at the airport last night.  Fortunately, it has dropped to -36F.  It is foggy out and there are ice particles in the fog.  It’s so cold here that the sun won’t rise until almost 11:00AM here.  (That’s 3PM Eastern).  The sun will set at 2:00 local time.

This would seem to be the ideal place to give my speech on how I would encourage global warming in the winter.  It’s cold here and presidential candidates rarely come to Alaska in the summer let alone winter unless they are from Alaska (like Sarah Palin),  It turns out they don’t like politicians here.  I tried telling them that I am a business who has never held office and the only reason why I am running for president is to help businesspeople like me have affordable entertainment.  They didn’t want to hear it.

I will be spending the weekend in Fairbanks.  If I am going to campaign, I will have to wonder about (With -35F temperatures, that won’t be easy.)  I didn’t bring work with me and I am finding out everything here is expensive.  I could have gotten stuff done if I stayed at home, but I will be pretty much confined to a hotel room all weekend.

Maybe the people will warm up.  I hope so because the weather won’t.

December 17, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, humor, issues, politics, satire | , , , , | 3 Comments

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