Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

New York Campaign Stops

I will be hitting the road tomorrow and will be spending the weekend campaigning in the Lower Hudson Valley section (West of the Hudson).  Tomorrow night is technically not a campaign stop, but I will be attending a fundraiser for victims of spousal and parental abuse.  Spousal abuse is not one of those topics that is controversial.  People are either against it or they are the perpetrators.

Saturday morning will be spent at a street corner somewhere in Marlboro, NY where I will be unveiling my new contraception plan.  The Supreme Court recently ruled that Hobby Lobby (and other companies) are not obligated to provide medical coverage for contraception.  My plan is to have contraception drop-off sites and give the contraception to people who have been complaining about the ruling.  These people need contraception and we need to give them contraception because the last need we need is for these people reproducing.

There will be two stops on Saturday evening.  The first stop will be at the Hudson Water Club in West Haverstraw, NY.  I will give a speech on water pollution and how to clean up the Hudson River.  I will have the filter from my fish tank  ready as soon as I can find an extension cord to plug the filter so it can operate.  (There are no outlets in the Hudson River as far as I know.)  The second will be at the Lexington Bar and Grill in Bardonia.  I will either offer a sensible property tax plan or I will offer advice on how to move out of the area.  What I speak about depends on the mood of the crowd.  If they start lighting torches and moving towards me, I will change the subject.

I will be in Nanuet on Sunday morning, but only to pick up the world famous rolls from Rockland Bakery.  They deliver rolls from New England to Delaware.  My campaign manager swears by them, so I will do him a favor and pick him up some rolls.

July 17, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on New York Campaign Stops

Weekend Itinerary

It’s back to the campaign trail this weekend.  I will be along the western banks of the Hudson River speaking to various groups:

Saturday

12:00PM – Highland Falls, NY – I will be speaking to a senior citizen group called “SAWAC” (Seniors for Access to Whips And Chains).  I will be addressing this active senior group plans to make the equipment they need more easily accessible.  The speech will be short so I don’t hold them up for their daily naps.

1:30PM – West Haverstraw, NY – I will organize a speech in front of the motor vehicles office explaining my motor vehicle department plan.

3:00PM – Nyack, NY – I will wonder aimlessly through the streets of Nyack and hopefully figure out what the hell they are thinking about.  I hope this won’t take too long.

4:30PM – NY/NJ border on U.S. 9W – I will try to bring peace to the border after a tough NHL Eastern Conference final.  Rangers fans and Devils fans were in each others’ faces and has made life difficult for those of us who think both teams suck.  (LET’S GO CAPS!!!)  By Caps, I mean the Washington Capitals, not typing in all caps.  I only typed in caps because I always yell when I say that.

6:00PM – Fort Lee, NJ – I will be at the western end of the George Washington Bridge discouraging people from jumping.  I won’t mention my campaign to anybody who is thinking about jumping until they are convinced that jumping off the bridge is not the answer and the meds they will probably have to take start kicking in.

8:00PM – Hoboken, NJ – My last stop tomorrow will involve a seance with fellow Hobokeners and trying to summon the spirit of Hoboken’s favorite son, Frank Sinatra.  I am confident he will endorse my campaign posthumously.

Sunday I will be hitting the Wal-Marts in Franklin and Newton, NJ – Monroe and Middletown, NY – Milford, Honesdale, and Dickson City, PA.  I will be showing my appreciation to Wal-Mart associates who keep prices low for working for less.  Workers who smoke will be given a cigarette as a token of my appreciation.

I’ll be going to bed soon because I have a long weekend ahead.

June 1, 2012 Posted by | campaign, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

   

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