Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Limbo Week

This whole week has been weird.  It turns out my “eviction notice” wasn’t an eviction notice, but a notice to vacate the premises so the landlord can do some much needed work to the heating system and bathroom plumbing.  He would have reimbursed me for staying at a hotel.  The only problem is that I have since signed a lease with a condo nearby.  I am not currently under a lease where I am.

I am renting two condos, neither of which are fully habitable, but between the two of them, I have everything I need (except a free outlet for the inflatable doll.)  The place I have been living in has TV, internet, furniture,  (until the friends who promised to help me move the furniture last week move the furniture.)  The new place has gas for cooking, running water, and food.  Below is how today went for me (Bold for current condo, regular for condo which I will move into this weekend)

6:00AM – Wake up and walk the dog. Showered and made bacon and eggs for breakfast.

7:00AM – Watched the “Today Show”.  The diuretics I took in 2008 finally kicked in.

8:00 – Downloaded files I needed for work and took my laptop to the new place.

9:00 – Diuretics kicked in again.  So did laxatives.  Needed toilet paper.  Returned working.

12:00PM – Took my campaign manager out to lunch for his birthday.  We wend Dutch on the meal, but I gave him my Burger King crown.

1:00 – Returned working.  Needed to print out a project at 2:30.

5:00 – Finished working and cooked dinner.

7:30 – Watched “Wheel of Fortune” Microwaved popcorn and watched a movie.  Diuretics.  Changed pants and underpants.

10:00 – Blogged this entry and went to bed.  Hoping I don’t have to wake up at 2:00AM.

December 5, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Weirder by the Moment

My mother and my daughter are at my place.  My father is at a nearby hotel.  I am at the Starbucks across the street from the hospital I am staying at.

My father was kind enough to pick up my daughter on his way to my condo from Washington.  My daughter gets scared when my father freaks out when he drives.  (For some odd reason, she doesn’t get scared when I freak out when I am driving.  Since I do most of my driving in New Jersey, I freak out more than my father does.)

My daughter was so disturbed by riding up with my father that as soon as she got to my place, she told my mother that she wanted me to drive her home on Sunday, only I can’t because I was in the hospital.

The trip to the hospital was the result of my fainting and becoming unconscious while shopping for office supplies (staples, paper clips, model glue).  I was about to be released last night when the doctor who examined me saw some problems with my previous health records.  This doctor wanted to know how my other doctor came up with the conclusion that I had menstrual cramps and vaginal discharge.  There were other things I told the doctor that I didn’t tell him until after the bloodwork was done.

  • I have had extreme body temperature fluctuations for the past week.  It’s been as high as 101.3 and as low as 96.8 though most of the time I have been at normal body temperature.
  • I have lost eleven pounds in the past two weeks.  In the past, I would have been stoked because I was obese for a long time, but the sudden loss of weight has me near underweight.
  • My farts smell really really bad.  The rule of thumb is that your own farts don’t smell as bad, but these last few farts hurt my nose.  I can only imagine the damage it is doing to the general public.
  • I fell asleep during “Wheel of Fortune.”

More bloodwork is being done in the morning.  Hopefully it will just be a pill or two and maybe an antibiotic and I’ll be good to go.

 

March 24, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, health care, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Libya #gopdebate

My handling of Libya would be effective.  I would block their satellite feed of “Wheel of Fortune”.  That will teach Qadaffi.

August 11, 2011 Posted by | commentary, foreign policy, humor | , , | Comments Off on Libya #gopdebate

Et tu, Vanna? (Then Fall Ahmnodt)

Yesterday was the saddest day of my life.  It started innocently enough as I prepared myself for the daily ritual of watching “Wheel of Fortune.”  The first puzzle was completed without a hitch.

Then it was the start of the second puzzle.  It was a “Before and After”, my favorite kind of puzzle.  It was also a prize puzzle.  The prize was a trip to Canada.

A trip to Canada?  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And there was Vanna, turning the letters as if nothing was wrong.  It seemed like it didn’t bother Her at all.  It was either the greatest acting performance ever or it was an act of treason – happily sending people to Canada.  What’s the next trip prize going to be?  A trip for two to Hell?

I was so distraught that I had to change the channel.  The last time I changed the channel during “Wheel of Fortune” was when Chuck Wollery hosted and the letter-spinner wasn’t Vanna.  Sleeping was difficult as I was tossing and turning all night and waking up from nightmares of Stephen Harper hosting “Wheel of Fortune” while holding a pitchfork and a value on the wheel of “$666.”

There is much for me to ponder.There is much for me to investigate.  Do I continue to observe Vanna’s birthday as a religious holiday?  Or do I accept the fact that She is a part of the Cinemafia.  There is so much for my soul to digest but not a lot of time to digest it.

March 13, 2011 Posted by | campaign, Canada, commentary, humor, issues, satire, Vanna White | , , , | 9 Comments

Roommate Wanted

Circumstances that have unfolded have compelled me to make one of my bedrooms available for rent.  The bedroom I am renting out is the master bedroom with its own bathroom.  Things we will share include the living room, dining room, kitchen, patio, and your girlfriend (if you have one.)

My bedroom is off limits.  There isn’t much in there.  I am only in there for two reasons and one of them is sleeping.  I am not to be disturbed when I am in my bedroom.

The third bedroom is my office.  I work out of my home and am often in my office.  I have sensitive client material that must be kept private.  The porn DVDs are also in there and are only available for my private viewing.

Rent is $400/month with the first month;s rent due upon moving in.  There are a few simple rules that must be followed:

  • No illegal substances allowed on the premises,  This includes marijuana, heroin, opium, enriched uranium, cocaine, and any other substance that is illegal.  I have a sever-year-old daughter and I do not want her exposed to that stuff until she is in high school.
  • No loud music between 7:30 PM and 8:00 PM on Mondays through Fridays.  “Wheel of Fortune” will be watched in peace.
  • You will have to be elsewhere on February 18.  I will credit one’s day rent and pay for one night’s stay at a local hotel.  February 18 is Vanna White’s birthday.
  • No live animal sacrifices – It’s hare to get animal blood stains out of carpets.

You will find that I am easy to get along with.  There will also be times when I will not be home as I campaign for president throughout America and Europe.  If you are interested, you can reach me through the “Contacts” tab of this blog.

June 21, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, satire | , , , , | 5 Comments

The Purpose of This Blog

There is a misconception about this blog that I must address immediately.  The last thing I want to happen is for people to ruin their lives because they misinterpret the reason why I have been blogging about my campaign for the last two years.

The purpose of this blog is NOT to demonstrate that anybody can run for President of the United States.  In fact, I am hoping that people would be discouraged from running for President.  I am not just talking about the average person.  I am including those who the media thinks can run for President like Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney, and Barack Obama.

The only reason why I am running for President is because there are issues that Americans care about that today’s politicians are not addressing.  Neither the Republicans nor the Democrats are talking about the high price of entertainment.  I haven’t heard anybody talk about making Vanna White’s birthday a national holiday.  They are more concerned with what President Obama offered Congressman Joe Sestak than the issues affecting Americans.

The truth is that I am not running for President because I want to.  I am running because I have to.  If there is somebody who  feels the way I do and can get as many votes as I plan to get in 2012, then I will step down and let him or her run.

Running for president takes a lot of time, commitment, dedication, and sacrifice.  It is not for most Americans.  I have missed out on my daughter’s last two birthdays.  Money that could be spent on a new car, home improvements, or a Starbucks coffee is being spent on campaigning.  I sometimes go days at a time when I cannot watch “Wheel of Fortune.”  It is a tough grind, especially when your opponents’ supporters harass you and your supporters.

If you are thinking about running for President, please think about what I have just mentioned before deciding to run.  You’ll save yourself a lot of frustration and disappointment.

May 31, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, politics, satire | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Moving Pains

I am getting ready to move this weekend from the 2-bedroom 1-bath to the 3-bedroom 1 1/2 bath condo.  There are a few things I will be without for at least a few days.

I will not have internet access or phone service until at least Wednesday.   That was the earliest date I could get for internet service.  Hopefully there are some unsecured wireless routers where I am moving to so I can get by without my own.

The satellite TV installer will not be coming until Thursday.  I will be missing three episodes of “Wheel of Fortune.”  May is “sweeps month” on TV.  This means that shows are showing their season finales and “special” episodes.  “Wheel of Fortune” is no different, except I will miss three episodes.  😦

I also have time set aside to buy a car.  The car I have is still in decent shape, but it probably won’t last to Election Day 2012.  By buying a good car now, I shouldn’t have to worry about major repairs until after the election.

The “Change of Address” is a pain.  It used to be that all you had to do was fill out a form and mail it.  Now, you have to fill out the form, go to the post office, show ID and a major credit card, and submit a DNA sample.

I have decided to hire movers to move the furniture, television, pillows, and other heavy items.  The rest I should be able to put in my car and move it in one trip.  Even should I have to make more trips, it’s just down the road.  It wasn’t like the move from North Carolina a few years ago when I guessed incorrectly the number of trips I needed to make.  I guessed one, but it was five.

I have a little bit of business work to take care of before I finish packing.  I hope to have everything packed in four hours.  I underestimated the time it took me to pack last time also.  I thought it would take an hour, but it took  36 hours over three days.

By this time tomorrow (1:15 PM Eastern), I should have everything in the new place and I can begin the joy of unpacking.

May 13, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , | 7 Comments

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