Limbo Week
This whole week has been weird. It turns out my “eviction notice” wasn’t an eviction notice, but a notice to vacate the premises so the landlord can do some much needed work to the heating system and bathroom plumbing. He would have reimbursed me for staying at a hotel. The only problem is that I have since signed a lease with a condo nearby. I am not currently under a lease where I am.
I am renting two condos, neither of which are fully habitable, but between the two of them, I have everything I need (except a free outlet for the inflatable doll.) The place I have been living in has TV, internet, furniture, (until the friends who promised to help me move the furniture last week move the furniture.) The new place has gas for cooking, running water, and food. Below is how today went for me (Bold for current condo, regular for condo which I will move into this weekend)
6:00AM – Wake up and walk the dog. Showered and made bacon and eggs for breakfast.
7:00AM – Watched the “Today Show”. The diuretics I took in 2008 finally kicked in.
8:00 – Downloaded files I needed for work and took my laptop to the new place.
9:00 – Diuretics kicked in again. So did laxatives. Needed toilet paper. Returned working.
12:00PM – Took my campaign manager out to lunch for his birthday. We wend Dutch on the meal, but I gave him my Burger King crown.
1:00 – Returned working. Needed to print out a project at 2:30.
5:00 – Finished working and cooked dinner.
7:30 – Watched “Wheel of Fortune” Microwaved popcorn and watched a movie. Diuretics. Changed pants and underpants.
10:00 – Blogged this entry and went to bed. Hoping I don’t have to wake up at 2:00AM.
I Should Have Ran for Congress
This has been a busy week thus far. It’s 8:30PM and I just finished working for the day after starting at 7:00AM all week. This is the first day this week I was able to finish before 10:00PM. I am working more this week because I plan on taking two weeks off for vacation and campaigning starting Friday night.
Two weeks is a lot of time to be away from work, especially when you run your own business. But the time off I will be taking is minuscule compared to what Congress takes off every year. They are currently on a five-week vacation and won’t return to work until after Labor Day. They also get a nice long vacation for Christmas/New Year’s and for Easter. I think they’re trying to take off for Spring Break next year. We can spend a week hangin’ with the homies John Boehner and Harry Reid.
The last time I had five weeks off was between my sophomore and junior years of high school. I worked during my summer vacations after that: First as a paperboy during after my junior year then as a pool boy after my senior year. The pool boy job was interesting as I spent little time cleaning the pool for the Johnson’s when Mr. Johnson was working. I spent more time picking up things around the pool under Mrs. Johnson’s constant supervision. She always looked thirsty, and I told her she should be inside and cool off. but she’d stay outside.
If I somehow lose the presidential election this November (90 days remaining), I might run for Congress in 2014. I’ll make more money and work fewer hours. It will be a win-win situation. The best part is that I can run for President in 2016.
Out of the Loop
I am ashamed to admit this, but I did not realize that President Obama was addressing the nation last night. I would have blogged my comments in real time as well as written why my plan would have been better.
I had an incredibly bust day today. What didn’t help was a drunk guy knocking on my door at 2:30AM looking for his wife. The dog wouldn’t stop barking at him. He wouldn’t leave. He stumbled through my apartment and knocked stuff off of tables and the counter. He broke my “Hello Kitty” cookie jar. The police came and soon took him away.
It took me a while to fall back to sleep. This was a problem because I had to get up earlier than normal and my energy bars were in the cookie jar. The dog’s inability to calm down and constant panting in my ear didn’t help matters.
Two clients called me and told me they needed their projects done by the end of the day. One project was one that was originally due in two weeks. The other was for a regular client’s Spring 2012 campaign which wasn’t due until December. These projects were on top of the other projects due this week including a back-to-school campaign for a local chain of lingerie stores,
I missed President Obama’s address as well as Speaker John Boehner’s reply. From watching the morning talk shows, it looks like I didn’t miss anything. America missed an opportunity to not be in this fiscal mess to begin with electing somebody besides me in 2008. This is why I need to be elected in 2012.
The Thought Process of People
It is important to understand people. I have a basic understanding of people, but there is something that still baffles me. It wouldn’t bother me except that it does. Once I understand why people do this, I will shave a strong enough understanding of people to convey my message in a manner that they will enthusiastically support. What I don’t understand about people is their inability to drive three blocks to work during a snowstorm, yet venture out a half hour to drive to the gym I work out at.
I normally work out twice a day: 10-11AM and 3-4PM. The gym is usually sparse during those time periods. Treadmills are readily available and it’s easy to go from machine to machine without waiting. Today was a totally different story. I should have gotten the hint when there was a wait for the wristband gym members get when they first enter the gym. The lockers were crowded with naked middle-aged bald fat men. Every piece of workout machinery was being used. Every treadmill, rowing machine, and other machine I don’t usually use was in use. Even every urinal and stall in the bathroom was occupied. (The urinals on the gym floor were vacant, but I am too shy to use those.)
Here is what separates me from most people: If I can’t drive to work, it’s because I can’t drive anywhere. I’m not going to go on a 30-mile journey if I can’t drive down the street. If the needs arises to travel a long distance for pleasure, I just call in sick and go drive. (I don’t do this now because I work out of my home and I need the clients to survive.- I don’t get sick days.)
If you are one of these people who will go on a road trip after not being able to go on a two block trip due to snow, please tell me why you do it so I can better understand you. And please go to a different gym.
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
Stay-at-Home Moms
There has been a lot of hoopla over the comments Democratic Party strategist Hilary Rosen said about women who opt to stay at home to raise their children over getting a job and placing their children in day care. I would like to say that there is nothing harder than being a stay-at-home mom.
I am not a mother, but I am a single father. Though I do not have full custody of my daughter, I do have custody every other weekend and for a good portion of the summer. It is difficult to raise a child and clean a house and run a business from my home. It’s even more difficult adding “running for president” to the mix.
Most stay-at-home mothers do not run a business out of their home, but that doesn’t mean their day is easy. Mothers never have a sick day. They’re doing laundry, cleaning dishes, dusting, vacuuming, making beds, and other chores while having children to deal with. Mothers prepare their meals, change their diapers, and explain to children that the mailman is “just a friend” who needs to lay down on her bed but hates to lay down alone. The worst part is that they do not get a salary for all the work they do. (They don’t even get a tip from the mailman.)
Before you decide to criticize women who choose to stay at home and raise their children, spend some time as a stay-at-home mom. Now try it when you’re sick, have a headache, or are nursing an injury. Do all of that and keep in mind that the best television has to offer during the workday is “Jerry Springer” and “The View.”
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April 13, 2012 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | commentary, editorial, humor, issues, satire | career, cleaning, cooking, Hilary Rosen, Jerry Springer, laundry, mailman, raising children, salary, stay at home moms, The View, work | 8 Comments