Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

I QUIT!

Much to the chagrin of my Little League coach, I quit something.  As of Tuesday, I became an ex-smoker.  i quit smoking even though winners never quit.

It has been difficult.  I have gained seven pounds so far.  This means I will be swimming a few extra laps in the Jacuzzias well as spending at least five minutes on the treadmill at the gym.   I may even double the weights I use for weightlifting to 20 pounds.

I still have the urges to light up at certain times of the day.  I want to smoke when I wake up, when I drive (especially here in New Jersey – there is a reason why auto insurance is higher in New Jersey than in any other state – people here don’t know how to drive!)  I also want to smoke when writing blog entries.  (This is why I haven’t written in a few days.)

Quitting smoking does have its benefits.  I have a few extra dollars I can spend at the nudie bar.  Breathing has become easier.  My sense of smell has improved.  (This is a bit of a negative at the gym when people are sweating like pigs.)

I am going to have to find a way to be able to write without being overwhelmed by the urge to smoke.  Masturbation eases the urge, but makes it harder to type.  Hopefully as I go longer without smoking, I’ll be able to write on a regular basis.

 

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May 4, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Losing Weight in Vain

I have been obese most of my life.  My first television appearance was on the news when they showed me walking down 37th Street in New York City.  (I think it was me, as they only showed me from the chest-down).

Last October I weighed 235 lbs.  According to my doctor, I was 85 pounds overweight.  I started to diet.  Below is a picture of me giving a speech last November at the Meeting of Independent Presidential Candidates cruise. I weighed 230 lbs then.

November 2009 - 230 lbs.

Dieting only worked for a little while.  I had spent between November and June between 225 and 230 lbs.  Too many of my campaign stops included food.  I quit dieting in June and joined a gym.  Working out has been more successful.  I stepped on the scale this morning weighing 199 lbs.  I have lost 36 lbs. since last October and 30 lbs since I first joined the gym.

Weight Today - 199 lbs.

I was all set to celebrate by going to the local “All-You-Can-Eat” buffet when I read a study that read that thin men make less money.  The same study showed that thin women make more money.  Women are being shafted because they are not being paid by the pound like men are.

Here is my dilemma:  If I want to make money, should I stop working out and put the weight I lost back on or do I continue to lose weight and get a sex-change operation?  Or do I continue to lose weight as a man and make less money?

October 8, 2010 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, satire | , , , , , , | 11 Comments

   

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