King Ahmnodt I

I have run into some difficulty in my latest attempt to run for President.  While people have shown overwhelming enthusiasm for my platform, there hasn’t been enough people.  While I continue to lead Presidential candidates in the quality of support, it hasn’t turned to the quantity of support (votes).

Another problem I am having is that 2016 is a long time away (By 2016, I really mean January 20, 2017 – the day I would take office).  It’s a short time to get a quality campaign capable of winning a nationwide election without spending a dime.  It’s an eternity for Obama to mess up things more than they already more and making it impossible for anybody (even me) to clean up all of his messes in only four years.

A true leader takes matters into his own hands.  This is why I have declared myself “King of the United States of America”.  I am not going to be a power-hungry king.  The only immediate action I am taking as King is to have Canadian Spy Justin Bieber deported to Canada where he belongs.

Some of you might remember that I have been a harsh critic of royalty in recent years.  Below is a video of a tweet I had tweeted that was read on WPIX in New York:

It seems that America is hungry for a King.  The news and social networks have been talking about nothing but the birth of a royal baby all day.  This royal baby born today isn’t even American royalty.  We need American royalty to help fix this country.  I am honored to have selected myself to be the first American King.

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Accessing the Damage

The 2012 election was a disaster.  Not just because Barack Obama won (it would have been a disaster if Mitt Romney, Gary Johnson, Jill Stein, Roseanne Barr, or Vermin Supreme won), it was a disaster because I did not win.  I received fewer votes than in 2008.  I couldn’t even win Saguache County, Colorado this time.

Much of my campaigning in the last month was hampered by my computer crapping out and by Hurricane Sandy.  And while the women at the nudie bar like me as a patron, I could not parlay that into them campaigning for me or for them getting out to vote.

The “Voter ID” laws also caused damage to my voting base.  Deceased people and zombies tend not to carry identification on their persons because they generally don’t need identification.Neither demographic drives so they don’t need to get a drivers’ licence.

My campaign’s exposure to the mainstream was also sorely lacking.  I received no television coverage other than the occasional apolitical tweet read on television.

My goal is to run another penniless campaign in 2016.  But if I can’t get any television exposure or trend on Twitter, then I will spend some money on the campaign.  There might even be a PayPal account for donations.  (I hate asking for money.)

There will be goals set soon and I will post them once I figure out how I am going to win in 2016.

Post-Sandy Timeline

Few things scare me.  Hurricane Sandy scared me.  The last time I got as scared as Monday night was when I heard a rumor that Anne Murray was coming out with a new CD.  I lost power just before 8:00PM Monday night.  During that time, I heard three trees crash to the ground and a howling wind like I had never heard  before.  I regained power at 12:30AM, but the surge killed my old computer.  Below is a timeline of how the rest of my week went:

• Tuesday – I had no phone service and no internet to watch Roku.  Cable TV was working, but only a few stations were up. (Two shopping networks, two Spanish networks, and WPIX.)
• Wednesday – The rest of the networks came back online.  News was showing all of the flooding in Queens, Manhattan, and Long Island.  Finding a gas station that was opened and had gas was harder to find than a needle in a haystack.
• Thursday – The news stations started showing footage from the Jersey Shore.  The “Habitat for Hotties” house I helped build in 2008 was demolished by Sandy.
• Friday – Spent most of the day battling Montezuma’s Revenge.  I found out later in that there was a water advisory since Tuesday and that I was supposed to be boiling my drinking water.  I only mentioned it because Governor Chris Christie mentioned it during a hurricane recovery update.
• Saturday (Today) – My computer finally arrived.  I am still trying to figure out Windows 8.  My last computer had Vista as the operating system.  Gas rationing is now in effect with “odd-even days” depending on the last number on the license plate.  I am odd.

I will not be participating in this year’s “Orgies for Abstinence due to the hotel it was to be held at needs the room for Sandy refugees from the coast.  I will instead be celebrating my election victory with close friends.

On the Trail of Something Different

I watch WPIX’s “PIX News at 10” every weeknight and most Saturdays and Sundays.  One of my favorite segments is when reporter Greg Mocker goes “On the trail of something different.”  Basically, Mr. Mocker goes investigates things like potholes, broken sidewalks, the MTA, and other local government inefficiencies.  Most of his stories are stories that the other news stations in the area won’t touch.  If they do touch it, it’s a love tap whilst wearing rubber gloves.  Mr. Mocker likes to grab it with his bare hands and get his hands dirty.

I like to think I am on a trail of something different in my campaign for the White House.  I’m getting my bare hands dirty tackling issues like the Cinemafia and the ever-threatening relationship with Canada.  Other than Jimmy McMillan, no other candidate has even skimmed the surface of these issues affecting Americans.  McMillan hasn’t mentioned the Cinemafia by name, but based on his issues with rent, I think we are on the same page.  (Though the books are different.)

I will be the first to admit that I do not know much about economics.  But I do know that the economy has fluttered at best under Obama’s watch and Donald Trump has businesses that have filed for bankruptcy.  Based on those assessments, they don’t know much about economics either.

If you want to be on the trail of the same old crap, then vote for either President Obama or whomever the Republicans spew at us.  I invite you to be on the trail of something different… of something better.

As Seen on TV

It is said that a good man can only be kept down for so long.  I am that man.  My first televised tweet was mentioned last month on MSNBC.  I didn’t get to record it and there is no video of it on the web that I am aware of.  My most recent tweet was read last night at the conclusion of WPIX’s “PIX News@10”.

The question had to do with whether the “Royal Wedding” should be considered to be news.  Of course not!  The video quality is poor because I recorded it with a $10 camcorder and not a high-quality DVR.  (I keep telling you I am a fiscal conservative.)

I will be spending a good portion of the day campaigning and trying to capture my new-found fame.

Sad News

It seems my time on BlogTalk Radio will soon be coming to a close.  They will be implementing a new policy starting February 1 that will limit when I will host a show.   They will soon charge for prime-time programming and will limit how many campaign ads I can keep stored for my shows.

I could still host shows after February 1 under the following conditions:

• Limit of one show per day. (No problem, as I only do one show per week.)
• Limit of 30 minutes per show. (Normally not a problem, but I will not be able to do one-hour specials any more.
• No shows between 7PM and Midnight. (Houston, we have a problem.  My show is currently at 9PM Eastern)

I am having a problem finding a time when I could continue the show.  Here is my schedule between Midnight and 7PM (The time period I will still be allowed to host a show)

• Midnight – 6AM:  During the week I am sleeping this entire time.  On weekends, I am usually in a drunken stupor until I pass out at 2AM.
• 6AM-9AM: During the week I watch the hotties and that nerdy anchor guy on WPIX Morning News.  I am in waking up mode.  Waking up is hard to do.
• 9AM-12PM: Work – I am usually working during this time.  Sometimes I start earlier when I have meetings.  People who meet me in morning meetings don’t like my demeanor because I am working before having my hottie fix.
• 12:00-12:30: Lunch.  I can’t host a talk show while chewing on food.  It is poor manners and my mother didn’t raise her son to chew food during his talk show.
• 12:30-1:00:  Working out A sound body leads to a sound mind like mine.
• 1:00-6:00: Work
• 6:00-6:30: Unwinding – a beverage, some cigarettes, and glue to inhale (on those really bad days)
• 6:30-7:00 Dinner (See “Lunch”)

Perhaps there is another avenue for me to interact with my supporters and others live when I am not on the campaign trail.  If I find one, I will announce it in a future blog entry.  (Unless this entry is being read way in the future.  If that’s the case, I probably wrote about it already.)