Process of Elimination

I know it is hard for my supporters to believe, but there are some people who are not impressed with my platform.  Some people think that I am not a “viable candidate.”  (Many of those people had donated to Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Jon Huntsman, and that other guy, but have nothing to show for it.)  Before you decide not to vote for me, let me show you why none of the candidates I am about to mention are worthy of your vote.

Barack Obama:

• Promised the US would get out of Afghanistan.
• Promised a more transparent government.
• Plagiarized “RomneyCare” and re-named it “ObamaCare”.
• Picked North Carolina to win the 2012 NCAA Tournament.

Mitt Romney:

• Is against “ObamaCare” but favors the pre-plagiarized “RomneyCare”.
• Changes his position on issues more often than most people change underwear.
• Looks like the guy I bought an AMC Pacer from at the used car lot.

Rick Santorum:

• Tried to represent Pennsylvania as Senator while living in Virginia.
• Lost by 16% in his last re-election attempt.
• Is thought of by others to have a frothy mix of fecal matter and anal lube named in his honor.

Newt Gingrich:

• Is Newt Gingrich.
• Has a bad habit of dumping his wife when she gets cancer.
• Is the only House Speaker to get slapped with a slew of ethics charges.

Ron Paul:

• Is old.  Really, really old.
• Is hated by his own party more than by any other party.
• Doesn’t get asked many questions in debates.

Other party candidates have yet to be announced.  They are all going to have a hard time competing with President Obama and whomever wins the Republican nomination with almost no interviews on national TV, not being mentioned in polls, not being invited to debates, and not raising the hundreds of millions the Democrats and Republicans raise for their candidates.  (I speak from experience here.)

I have a full detailed platform that is from common sense and not from party pandering or from lobbyists.  If you vote for anybody else besides myself or Ron Paul (I had to reach for his negatives), then I have to wonder what you are thinking.  Forgive me for the bluntness, but there’s no way to sugarcoat my reaction to such stupidity.