The Only Poll That Matters

The Council on Presidential Debates requires that a candidate gets 15% of votes in polling.  Until now, the choices that were offered in the polls were few and incomplete as not all candidates were mentioned.  This poll will not include all the candidates, just candidates who do not have a negative approval rating.

Who will you vote for President of the United States?

A) Ahmnodt Heare

B) Vermin Supreme

c) other

 

I hope to have a polling app edited into this post soon, until then, feel free to answer in the comments section.

 

 

 

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Time to Step Up My Game

There has been a lot going on in my life the last year that had taken away valuable campaigning time.  My parents have both moved into adult care facilities.  I lost a custody battle for my daughter and she now lives in Italy with her mother.  “American Idol” ended before I could audition.  My campaign email has been hacked and I no longer have access to your letters or correspondences I have been getting from Nigerian princes.  (It seems that my campaign is popular in Nigeria.)

I was considering suspending my campaign for the rest of the election cycle until I heard that Donald Trump was the presumptive nominee of the Republican Party.  It also looks like that Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic Party candidate.

I am looking for places to campaign.  If you know of a rally, bar mitzvah, or memorial service looking for a speaker, feel free to correspond.

The new updated contact information will be posted providing that I remember the email address or phone number.  I don’t email or call myself often enough to know those things by heart.  At least I know my address (but only because Papa John’s keep asking for it when I order pizza to be delivered.)

Tell all of your friends and 3/4 of your enemies that my campaign is back and running on full steam.  It’s sad that America needs me to run as desperately as she does, but I am up for the task.

Not of My Doing

I heard a rumor from a media insider that there will be a hit piece on my campaign.  The piece has nothing to do with any of my policies, actions, or criticisms of President Obama and of Congress.  It has to do with a small group of people in southern Oregon near the borders of California and Nevada.  They are transients from all over the northwestern US, British Columbia in Canada, and Liechtenstein.

They refer to themselves affectionately as “Hearebots”.  Critics of the group call them “Hearetards.”  The Hearebots took it upon themselves to live their lives as if I was President and are trying to carry out portions of my platform.  Deep in the otherwise barren wilderness are two acres of apple trees that they planted in the last year,  They have banned Hollywood movies and anything associated with Disney including the watching of ESPN and ABC.  . Below is a video that shows an alternative to the overpriced Hollywood movies.

I had no knowledge of these fine people or of this community until I was informed of this story from Matt Storn, who wishes to remain anonymous.  If his name got out, it could cost him his job.

A trip to southeastern Oregon is in the works.  As soon as I contact these fine people, I will be making a campaign stop.

Yeah, I’m Still Running

It might seem with my lack of posts lately that I have given up on running for President.  The fact is that I have been distracted by some very important matters (taking care of my parents, trying to generate more work for myself, Shark Week, etc.).  I have also done some campaigning, but they were small in nature and were more “preaching to the choir” to get the base energized than to speaking to new people.

I am putting my personal business aside between now and November 2016 so I can give it my all and get elected.  It’s hard to get excited about America’s future when people like Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are given serious consideration as candidates.

My platform remains the same, especially the part that states that I will not be accepting any money for my campaign.  The only way to take money out of politics is to never put money into politics.

Look for me this weekend at the Delaware State fair.  I will not have a booth at the fair, but I will be walking around the fairgrounds looking for people who want to strike up a conversation.

This is what I look like, except that my hair is much shorter, I have no facial hair, and I won’t be wearing sunglasses.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask me, feel free to ask in the comments section. I had requested e-mailing the questions in the past, but critics of the campaign claimed that I ignored the tough questions. I do not ignore tough questions. I put them aside to answer at a later time.

I’m Not Ready

Former Secretary of State and Senator Hillary Clinton announced today that she is running for President.  Senators Rand Paul and Ted Cruz have already announced that they are going to run along with Ben Carson.

As bad as things are right now, I do not know if any of these people can improve things, let alone getting America on track to a prosperous future.  Same goes for Jeb Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Marco Rubio, and Dave Mustaine.

It is not because these people are not capable to bring good times to America.  It is because it is not in their best interest to improve America.  They are more interested in their legacy and making sure THEY have a prosperous future than making sure that you and I do.  This is modern-day American politics at its worst.

This is my third campaign for President.  I have learned a few things in my previous campaigns.  The first thing I learned is that the only way to take money out of politics is to not put money into politics in the first place.  This belief is the reason why I do not ask for political campaign contributions.  We cannot expect a candidate to be fiscally conservative in office if he or she is not fiscally conservative on the campaign trail.  What they do on the trail is a reflection of what they will do in office.

I’m not ready for Hillary… or Ted… or Rand… or Dave (Though it would be cool if Megadeth played at my Inaugural Ball.)

Secrets I Will Take to My Grave

It is important for a presidential candidate to be able to keep secrets.  The President of the Unites States is given confidential information every day.  If this information is leaked, it could give the enemy an upper hand.  Sometimes the enemy is a terrorist group or a leader of a rogue nation,  Other times, it’s a political opponent that is the enemy who can destroy you with leaked secrets.  Below are some secrets I will be taking to my grave:

• Grandma Oudda’s one-night tryst with one of Congressman Steny Hoyer’s political opponents.  Since Steny Hoyer beat the opponent anyway, there’s no reason to mention his or her name.
• The secret to the marinade that Olvey’s Steak House in Dover, Delaware uses.  You will never hear it from me that the secret is two drops of vanilla extract.
• I will never rat out the police officer who gave me my first speeding ticket that I saw him buying drugs from my neighbor a few months later.  The police chief would not like that.
• I would never tell on my mayor.  Sure he took $5000 from the town treasury fund to help pay for his personal car, but it was on sale for a limited time more.  If he waited longer, then he would have to take more money to pay for the car.

Secrets told to me stay with me.  I will be a President that you can trust.

Here We Go Again!

I tried to live a normal life, but I was not meant to have a normal life.  Some people can’t work a  9:00AM until 5:00PM job.  A few people can’t eat ordinary processed foods due to various allergies and ailments.  There are even people who insist on setting up a roll of toilet paper with the paper to pull down in front of the roll.

Every time I try to resume a normal life away from politics, something happens and people feel compelled to drag me back in the fire.  There were two things that happened in the last week that got people upset enough that they had to talk to me into running for President.

The first thing was President Obama proposing that voting be mandatory.  Many people are petrified that the only options on a Presidential ballot are Hillary Clinton or Jeb Bush.  I know that the Libertarian, Green, Birthday, and other Parties will have candidates, but most people are conditioned to believe that there are only two candidates.

I mentioned the second point in my most recent blog entry.  My biggest fear with a Ted Cruz “presidency” is that Stephen Harper will be the de facto President of the United States.  If you have seen how badly he is running Canada, there is no way you’d want him to be running our country.

It will take me a while before my campaign is fully operational.  My first order of business is to find a volunteer campaign manager who is not currently in prison or living on a commune because he or she found Harry Kirshner.Hare Krishna.  The campaign should be fully operational by the second weekend of April.