Not of My Doing
I heard a rumor from a media insider that there will be a hit piece on my campaign. The piece has nothing to do with any of my policies, actions, or criticisms of President Obama and of Congress. It has to do with a small group of people in southern Oregon near the borders of California and Nevada. They are transients from all over the northwestern US, British Columbia in Canada, and Liechtenstein.
They refer to themselves affectionately as “Hearebots”. Critics of the group call them “Hearetards.” The Hearebots took it upon themselves to live their lives as if I was President and are trying to carry out portions of my platform. Deep in the otherwise barren wilderness are two acres of apple trees that they planted in the last year, They have banned Hollywood movies and anything associated with Disney including the watching of ESPN and ABC. . Below is a video that shows an alternative to the overpriced Hollywood movies.
I had no knowledge of these fine people or of this community until I was informed of this story from Matt Storn, who wishes to remain anonymous. If his name got out, it could cost him his job.
A trip to southeastern Oregon is in the works. As soon as I contact these fine people, I will be making a campaign stop.
Not Tonight
Due to a busy schedule I will not be commenting on tonight’s debate in real time. I will not be watching it either. The evening has been booked since the NFL released their football schedule. Tonight is a doubleheader on ESPN featuring long time division rivals in both games.
Though I will not be commentating on tonight’s debate, the list below contains the debates I will be commenting on.
| September 22nd, 2011 | 9pm ET on Fox News – Submit Questions Location: Orlando, FL Sponsor: Fox News, Google and Florida Republican Party Participants: TBD |
| October 11th, 2011 | 8pm ET on Bloomberg Television – Pre-debate coverage begins at 7pm ET Location: Dartmouth College in Hanover, NH Sponsor: Bloomberg, The Washington Post and WBIN-TV Participants: TBD |
| October 18th, 2011 | Air time TBD on CNN Location: Las Vegas, NV Sponsor: CNN and the Western Republican Leadership Conference Participants: TBD |
| November 9th, 2011 | 8pm ET on CNBC Location: Oakland University in Rochester, MI Sponsor: CNBC and the Michigan Republican Party Participants: TBD |
| December 10th, 2011 | Air time TBD on ABC Location: Des Moines, IA Sponsor: ABC News and Republican Party of Iowa Participants: TBD |
| January 12th, 2012 | Air time TBD on PBS Location: Iowa Public Television in Johnston, IA Sponsor: Des Moines Register and Iowa Public Television Participants: TBD |
| January 30th, 2012 | Air time TBD on Fox News Location: Des Moines, IA Sponsor: Fox News and Republican Party of Iowa Participants: TBD |
| February, 2012 | Air time TBD on ABC – Likely between February 7th and 13th Location: NH Sponsor: ABC News and WMUR Participants: TBD |
| February, 2012 | Air time TBD on Fox News – Likely between the 19th and 27th Location: SC Sponsor: Fox News and South Carolina Republican Party Participants: TBD |
| March 5th, 2012 | Air time TBD on NBC Location: Reagan Library in Simi Valley, CA Sponsor: Reagan Library, NBC News and Politico Participants: TBD |
I will not be releasing my manifesto on this blog. Instead, I will make it a speech which will be aired Friday evening at 11:00 PM Eastern.
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
An Open Letter to ESPN
April 2, 2011
Dear ESPN Programming Doofus:
I am not just a presidential candidate, I am a baseball fan. To be precise, I am a Washington Nationals fan. I am writing because I have taken a peek at the Sunday Night Baseball schedule and I am not happy.
It seems you like to oversaturate your programming with Yankees and Red Sox games. That series gets old after a while (Especially after Fox always broadcasts the Saturday game the day before. There are many other series that are more interesting.
I understand that the Nationals are not a very good team right now and that they’re not going to get a lot of national airtime. How about a Twins-Rangers game? They both won their divisions last year. Dare I say that both of those teams are better than this year’s Yankees without being ridiculed?
Better yet, show the National League some love. After all, the defending world champions are the San Francisco Giants (a National League Team). The National League plays real baseball where the pitchers get to bat. The American League has the Designated Hitter and is for pitchers with no genitals for batting. (I’d write, “balls” but my mother reads this blog.)
If you need any help with this, I will be happy to assist. Before you know it, you will be enjoying higher ratings.
Sincerely,
Ahmnodt Heare
Independent Candidate for President (Write-In)
Baseball (Washington Nationals) Fan
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April 2, 2011 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | commentary, editorial, humor, satire | Boston Red Sox, ESPN, New York Yankees, open letter, Sunday Night Baseball | 6 Comments