2012 in Review – April
April started out with the joke on me and ended up being a joke. I was hospitalized and was unable to partake in the “Orgies for Abstinence”. I was invited to debate other third party candidates, but I did not receive the invitation until the night before the debate. Since the debate was in Los Angeles, I was unable to attend.
The month found me defending stay-at-home moms and bashing the Cinemafia be celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking and over 1000 people dying. The “Ahmnodt Heare Meme” was introduced. The campaign went into attack mode with aggressively mentioning my campaign on blogs supporting Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Vermin Supreme, and Justin Bieber.
The attack mode was short-lived as some of my supporters complained of getting spammed with Justin Bieber videos and robo-calls from Obama’s and Romney’s campaigns as well as one supporter receiving repeated calls from a candidate running for Dog Catcher.
April showed so much promise in the beginning, but it ended up being a big April Fool’s joke.
Can It Get Any Worse?
I picked a bad week to have a bunch of things go wrong. I was supposed to attend a rally at a veteran’s hall in Washington Township, New Jersey. Nobody told me that there are at least two Washington Townships in New Jersey. This is worse than the Canadian Football League having two teams called the Rough Riders. (Saskatchewan Rough Riders and Ottawa Rough Riders [now Renegades].)
The following also happened this weekend:
- I ran out of gas trying to get from the wrong Washington Township to the correct Washington Township. I ended up missing my own rally. “I’m Not Here at an Ahmnodt Heare Rally” might as well been th headline in the newspapers.
- My computer crashed – I am currently using my campaign manager’s old laptop (which is on its last legs.) It is a Windows XP laptop and the Service Pack 2 was never updated or installed. I ordered a custom-built laptop which I should get later this week.
- The water pipe in my apartment is leaking. This is bad news considering that my floor is concrete based and has to be taken out to get to the pipes. My bedroom looks like an astroturf football after a soaking rain.
- The Washington Redskins lost to the New York Giants 27-23 after taking a 23-20 lead with less than two minutes to go in the game. This especially hurts considering I now live in New Jersey about an hour from the stadium.
- No “Family Guy” tonight. It has been preempted by the NLCS between the St. Louis Cardinals and the San Francisco Giants.
Before you answer the question, please note that it was a rhetorical question. I am looking forward to debating tomorrow night (even if it’s the same way I had to debate the first two times and Albee Thayer had to debate in the Vice President Debate. You are invited to join me even if the other candidates don’t want you to join them.
The Problem With Debates
There are two points I got from last night’s debate:
- Neither Obama or Romney won last night’s debate – I did.
- Participants rarely answer the question asked. If asked on how they will cut spending, they will answer by explaining in excruciating detail how “Dancing Queen” by ABBA has influenced their stance on abortion.
I’m not going to talk about the first point too much, but the second point summarizes much of what is wrong with America today. Leaders are expected to obey rules as much as the general public is. When a moderator says “Two Minutes,” she means two minutes. She doesn’t mean two minutes and “I just want to add,” when time expires. The same thing happens in Congress during a floor debate. A Representative asks to speak for two minutes but never finishes in two minutes. He or she always asks for more time. This is poor preparation and our leaders should be well prepared.
Another thing that grinds my gears about last night’s debate is that Obama and Romney kept interrupting each other. A real leader has to be able to listen and save his or her comments until after the debater is finished speaking. My Dominatrix always lets me speak before She cracks Her whip and yells, “SILENCE!” (Not that I say much in Her presence.)
How can we expect politicians to obey the law then they can’t even follow a few simple rules? Until they do, things will never get better.
Albee “Debating” Tonight
My running mate Albee Thayer will be “debating” tonight. Like other independent and third party candidates, he will not be able to be on stage debating Vice-Presidential candidates Joe Biden and Paul Ryan. Instead, Albee will be using the same chat room I used last week.
He has been here in New Jersey for the last couple days. We have been practicing debating and answering questions. I am confident that Albee will do well and he would have won the debate if he was invited.
The debate is at 9:00PM Eastern 6:00 Pacific on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews, News12 New Jersey, and PBS. The best answers will be supplied by Albee Heare here.
Meaner than Mitt Romney
I was honored to be invited to a Q&A session at a community center in New Haven, CT. For some reason when I received the invitation, I had confused “Q&A” with “T&A”. This explained why I was so enthusiastic in replying to the invitation. That was the first sign that this event was going to turn into a disaster.
The first question asked to me was who I thought won the debate between President Obama and Mitt Romney. I responded with “I won.” then explained that I wasn’t really paying attention to what they were saying as much as I was replying to the questions Jim Lehrer was asking.
I was asked my position on energy. Some of the people appreciated that my ideas covered a wide spectrum of ideas while critics thought it was all over the place with no clear direction. I agree with the former.
Someone thought if I would close PBS. I told the questioner that I would not close PBS but I would no longer fund it. I don’t understand why PBS needs government funding if they have so many fund drives on their networks or why they have so many fund drives if they need government funding. Then there are the millions given to PBS by various foundations. The questioner replied that I was meaner than Mitt Romney. I was ridiculed by someone who claimed to be a science teacher for my position on global warming. She claimed that my position was both simplistic and reckless.
I have another Q&A to attend tomorrow afternoon in Danbury, CT. I’m a little disappointed that it was scheduled at the same time the Redskins were playing, but it’s one of the things I am going to have to do if I want to be President of the United States.
About
Ahmnodt Heare is a fictional character running a real campaign. He is an Independent candidate for President of the United States. His views on solving America’s problems is different than the ideas being offered by any Republican or Democratic candidate.
In the upcoming days, he will give a daily account of his political activities, campaigns, and other behind the scene activities like no other candidate ever has.
The purpose of this blog is to showing the absurdity of Ahmnodt Heare’s platform and show that the two major parties are equally absurd (especially at the federal level.)
If you are fed up with the two-party duopoly, then feel free to write in “Ahmnodt Heare” for the office of your choosing.
On Election Day, tell your fellow Americans, “Ahmnodt Heare!”
Ahmnodt Heare for America. Ahmnodt Heare for You.
Ahmnodt Heare for President 
I’m Not Ready
Former Secretary of State and Senator Hillary Clinton announced today that she is running for President. Senators Rand Paul and Ted Cruz have already announced that they are going to run along with Ben Carson.
As bad as things are right now, I do not know if any of these people can improve things, let alone getting America on track to a prosperous future. Same goes for Jeb Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Marco Rubio, and Dave Mustaine.
It is not because these people are not capable to bring good times to America. It is because it is not in their best interest to improve America. They are more interested in their legacy and making sure THEY have a prosperous future than making sure that you and I do. This is modern-day American politics at its worst.
This is my third campaign for President. I have learned a few things in my previous campaigns. The first thing I learned is that the only way to take money out of politics is to not put money into politics in the first place. This belief is the reason why I do not ask for political campaign contributions. We cannot expect a candidate to be fiscally conservative in office if he or she is not fiscally conservative on the campaign trail. What they do on the trail is a reflection of what they will do in office.
I’m not ready for Hillary… or Ted… or Rand… or Dave (Though it would be cool if Megadeth played at my Inaugural Ball.)
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April 12, 2015 Posted by Ahmnodt Heare | Ahmnodt, campaign, commentary, editorial, humor, Iowa GOP, politics, satire | 2016 election, Ben Carson, Dave Mustaine, Elizabeth Warren, Hillary Clinton, Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, Megadeth, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz | Comments Off on I’m Not Ready