I heard a rumor from a media insider that there will be a hit piece on my campaign. The piece has nothing to do with any of my policies, actions, or criticisms of President Obama and of Congress. It has to do with a small group of people in southern Oregon near the borders of California and Nevada. They are transients from all over the northwestern US, British Columbia in Canada, and Liechtenstein.
They refer to themselves affectionately as “Hearebots”. Critics of the group call them “Hearetards.” The Hearebots took it upon themselves to live their lives as if I was President and are trying to carry out portions of my platform. Deep in the otherwise barren wilderness are two acres of apple trees that they planted in the last year, They have banned Hollywood movies and anything associated with Disney including the watching of ESPN and ABC. . Below is a video that shows an alternative to the overpriced Hollywood movies.
I had no knowledge of these fine people or of this community until I was informed of this story from Matt Storn, who wishes to remain anonymous. If his name got out, it could cost him his job.
A trip to southeastern Oregon is in the works. As soon as I contact these fine people, I will be making a campaign stop.
Inspired* by reading Don Mills’ post on the “The Alphabet of Damned Young People Who Annoyed Me Today“, I have come up with the ABCs of a Presidential Campaign.
A is for Ahmnodt – The 45th President.
B is for Barack – The White House resident.
C is for Campaigning – From near and from far.
D is for Driving – To events in my car.
E is for Election – I hope you vote for me.
F is for Facebook – A page for you to see.
G is for Goodness – How I run my campaign.
H is for Hotels – Suitcase life’s a pain.
I is for Iowa – Where the caucus starts.
J is for Joker – Politicians break our hearts.
K is for Kids – Their futures are at stake.
L is for Losers – Like that moron Robert Blake
M is for Maverick – What else is there to say?
N is for November – 2012 Election Day.
O is for Olbermann – I’d like an interview.
P is for Politics – Zapping the soul from you.
Q is for Questions – Answering what is asked.
R is for Radio – Secrets of me unmasked.
S is for Sex – It goes with Politics.
T is for Timex – It takes a ton of licks.
U is for United – States of America (USA).
V is for Vanna – Whom I’d like to meet someday.
W is for Write-In – And writing in my name.
X is for Xenophobes – They want people to be the same.
Y is for Youth – The future is for them.
Z is for Zest – Of my supporters (Amen)
* – “Inspired” sounds better than “stealing”. I couldn’t think of what to write today.
I hope I didn’t get anybody’s hopes up by suggesting that I was going to be interviewed on the morning shows. None of the morning news shows have planned on interviewing me. But the morning shows do provide an opportunity for us to get the campaign out.
The morning shows on the three oldest broadcast networks (ABC, CBS, and NBC) all have outdoor segments. The shows’ hosts are often outside during at least part of the show. George Stephanopolus, Harry Smith, and Matt Lauer have all interviewed presidential candidates before. I just need a way to get their attention without disrupting their shows.
Here is my plan: Sign Blitz. Have three or four signs at every show the week of August 30-September 3. A sign at each corner and either a sign in the middle or two signs equidistant to both corners and each other. I’d like to get to the outdoor sets at least a half-hour before the shows every morning that week. We will all meet at the steps of St. Patrick’s Cathedral at 6:00AM and go into further details as to who will be where on each day. I will try to attend each show each day. The schedule I have is tentative depending on the success of the signs and if any of the anchors (or Al Roker) wish to interview me. Below are the signs I plan on using for the shows:
I don’t know if we should use the white signs, the black signs, or both. Notice that the web address for this website are in the middle of the sign. I am thinking of having some of the signs (one at each show) contain the URL of the radio show. I will be discussing the morning show blitz in greater detail on my radio show Tuesday night.
Below is the map of the St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City. It’s on 5th Avenue between 50th and 51st Streets. It’s near Rockefeller Center, where “Today” is filmed. “Good Morning America” and “CBS Early Show” are both within ten blocks and are a relatively quick walk.
If you have any comments about the color of the sign or the content (URL, candidate, etc.) then feel free to leave a comment below.
If you are going to the NBA Finals tomorrow or Thursday at the TD Garden or if you’re going to the Stanley Cup Final at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia on Wednesday, please help! This is also for those who are going to the United Center in Chicago on Friday. (If necessary.)
I will need you to make some “Ahmnodt Heare for President” signs and give them to the people in the front row center court or center ice. If you happen to go the game early and get contact with anybody with ABC (for basketball) or NBC (for hockey), please tell them about my campaign and that I am open for interviews.
NOTE: If you’re going to the Celtics game, tell the person you talk to that I really, really, really like Diane Sawyer.
NOTE: I originally posted this on Friday as a boycott for the Oscars. But there are currently over 3,000,000 people in the New York metropolitan area who had WABC removed from Cablevision’s lineup by ABC.
Most people know that the Oscars will be awarded this Sunday night. I will not be watching this celebration of the exploits of the Cinemafia. Below is what other networks will be airing against the Cinemafia’s exploits: (Listings are from 8:00PM – 10:00PM Eastern. Please check your local listings for times and programming.
CBS: Amazing Race and Undercover Boss
NBC: Dateline NBC and Bad Boys
Fox: The Simpsons (two episodes) and Family Guy (two episodes)
PBS: Nature and American Experience
Ion: Shark (two episodes)
Telemundo: Eight Below y El Rey Escorpión
Univision: El Nombre de Amor (dos episodios)
Animal Planet: (River Monsters)
BET: Sunday Best and The Family Crew (two episodes)
Cartoon Network: The Shaggy Dog, Chowder, and The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack
CNBC: Biography on CNBC and Tom Brokaw Reports: Boomer$
Tru: Cops (four episodes)
DIY: Dream House (two episodes) and Renovation Realities (two episodes)
E!: The Soup Awards
ESPN: NBA Basketball (Washington Bullets Wizards at Boston Celtics
ESPN2: SEC Women’s Championship (Basketball) and West Coast basketball Semi-Final
FoxNews: Huckabee and Hannity
TLC: Help! I’m Turning into a Giant and Hoarders: Buried Alive
Travel: (Man vs. Food (four episodes)
TV Land: M*A*S*H (two half-hour episodes and one one-hour episodes)
Weather Channel: Storm Stories (two episodes) and Weatherproofing
VH1: Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair and Tool Academy 3 (two episodes)
There are plenty of shows on networks not polluting the airwaves with movies or celebrating the polluting of the American culture like the Oscars show. Show the Cinemafia you have had enough of their high-priced, low-quality “entertainment” by not watching their show on Sunday night.
I would like to thank Cablevision for taking a stand against the Cinemafia and blacking out the Oscars.
I have to be careful when talking about Disney. I don’t want to give the impression that they are the CineMafia. I don’t want to go after them too often because they did endorse my campaign. However; it is important to do the right thing as often as possible. This is especially true when the chances of getting caught are great.
Friday night I was watching television with my daughter Patricia. I figured the perfect channel to watch with one’s child is a channel that calls itself the “Family Channel”. At 7:00PM was the show, “That 70’s Show.” The cable guide said it was rated “TV-14”. The show contains sexual innuendo and drugs. This is inappropriate for a six-year old. “Viewer Discrection is Advised” does not equate to family values. I was so angered that ABC/Disney tried to pass “That 70’s Show” as family entertainment that I wrote my senators, my congressman, President Obama, Disney Inc., and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Although I cannot prove that the Canadians had anything to do with this, it would not surprise me that they would sneak to this level. William Shatner mocking former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin does not do anything to warm relations between Canada and the United States.
Since there wasn’t family oriented programming on the Family Channel, Patricia and I ended up watching my UFC Championships DVD .