Not of My Doing

I heard a rumor from a media insider that there will be a hit piece on my campaign.  The piece has nothing to do with any of my policies, actions, or criticisms of President Obama and of Congress.  It has to do with a small group of people in southern Oregon near the borders of California and Nevada.  They are transients from all over the northwestern US, British Columbia in Canada, and Liechtenstein.

They refer to themselves affectionately as “Hearebots”.  Critics of the group call them “Hearetards.”  The Hearebots took it upon themselves to live their lives as if I was President and are trying to carry out portions of my platform.  Deep in the otherwise barren wilderness are two acres of apple trees that they planted in the last year,  They have banned Hollywood movies and anything associated with Disney including the watching of ESPN and ABC.  . Below is a video that shows an alternative to the overpriced Hollywood movies.

I had no knowledge of these fine people or of this community until I was informed of this story from Matt Storn, who wishes to remain anonymous.  If his name got out, it could cost him his job.

A trip to southeastern Oregon is in the works.  As soon as I contact these fine people, I will be making a campaign stop.

The Trek Home

I have decided that enlightenment is not for me.  My brief time here saw many celebrities die.  Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays all passed away in the week I was at the ashram.

I wanted to leave but the armed guards wouldn’t let me.   The only way out was by escape.  I volunteered to take out the garbage after dinner.  I did my impersonation of a father going out for ice cream and didn’t return.

The sun was setting in the western sky.  I am sure it was a beautiful sunset, but I didn’t know because I walked east.  I kept walking until I saw a motel.  It was a old building on the outside bordering on blight.  The inside was kept in good condition.  The motel is in a small town called “Bonanza.”  I would spend last night in Like the ashram, it was in the middle of nowhere.

I will soon head to Medford by bus.  From Medford,I will be taking a bus to Portland.  I will spend tonight in Portland and fly home tomorrow.

I’m a Presidential Candidate – Get Me Out of Here!

I will be heading home as soon as I know where I am.  The Sri Yogi Berra Ashram is not the least bit relaxing.  It wasn’t anything like the brochure I received when I bought the flowers at the airport.

It wasn’t the least bit relaxing.  There was a lot of chanting for some guy named, “Harry” but he was nowhere to be found.  The food here was horrible.  No beef of any kind, just curry and vegetables (some of which I can’t pronounce.)

There is no Wi-Fi or high speed internet in this area so I am blogging from a dial-up.  It takes 5 minutes to download a text e-mail.  The most modern technology around here is the Speak-and-Spell that was confiscated from a boy whose family came here just after I did.

This is painful.  My cell phone doesn’t work here.  It is so remote here that the world can blow up and we wouldn’t know here for years.  I hope I am not too far from Salem, where there were a few supporters from my campaign last year.

I would write more, but it will take a half hour just to upload this blog entry.

Off to the Ashram

I am heading off to an ashram in Oregon tomorrow.  I need some time off from campaigning and work  (and the lack of work).  I will be residing at the Sri Yogi Berra.  The ashram has enlightening chants like “batter batter batter…swing”.

The time off will be a spiritual awakening and will recharge my batteries.  (I am trying to live a green lifestyle and throwing away batteries fills landfills.)  The enlightenment I will receive will be worth the time I am taking off from campaigning.  My vision will be clearer and I will be running a fresher campaign which I hope will lead to victory in 2012.

I will miss interacting with you.  It will only be two weeks or three months.  Peace be with you.

Join the “Ahmnodt Heare” Fan Club on Facebook!

I have been on Facebook for a while.  One of my supporters has decided to open up a fan club to reach supporters.  Membership is free and you don’t have to sacrifice your first-born or move to a commune in Oregon.  (If you do decide to move to a commune in Oregon, please say “Hello” to Sir Satire. Make sure you try his organic Twinkees. )

Good Luck, Sir Satire!

Sir Satire was one of the best blogs on WordPress.  I was so impressed with his writing that I was set to make him my press secretary.  Sometimes, a life altering event takes place and plans are changed.  This happened to Sir Satire.

Sir Satire has left his successful blog and my campaign behind and joined a commune in Oregon.  He has found a new love for a new god and now grows organic Twinkees for his commune.

I congratulate Sir Satire for his happiness and wish him luck in his commune.

Nothing in Oregon Either

I didn’t receive any delegates in Kentucky or Oregon tonight.  There’s still Montana, South Dakota, and Puerto Rico.  The campaign and the numbers have been stagnant since the infamous brownie incident in Louisville.

Campaigning will resume tomorrow.  I will head up to Virginia and campaign for the General Election.  I might hit Tennessee  by Knoxville late tomorrow afternoon before heading home.