Despite my personal life getting complicated, I have been able to hit the campaign trail. There is a growing dislike of Canadians from everybody that I talk to. The hatred started building last month when US government officials were contemplating taking my advice and deporting Canadian spy Justin Bieber. It built up a bit more last week when Canada’s men’s and women’s hockey teams beat their American counterparts in the men’s semifinals and the women’s gold medal games, respectively.
The final straw has come this week with Canada invading American air space with their “Operation Polar Vortex”. I am convinced that this is a directive given out by Prime Minister Stephen Harper. I have decided not to wait until “President” Obama decides he is going to do something. The planning stages are already underway for what I am calling, “Operation Gulf Melt” aimed at Canadian curling rinks. Anybody can roll a stone on ice, but it takes American talent to skip a stone on water.
I am currently having difficulties finding a place to host my
radio and television shows podcasts. My father doesn’t like it that I have taken to yelling and my mother keeps a bar of Safeguard nearby. They are both doing better, but neither able to live alone.
I will be in Delmar (either Delaware or Maryland – I forget which one, though the two Delmars do border each other.) campaigning this Friday and Saturday. I hope to see you there!
There isn’t much I want to write about today involving politics. I will dedicate this video for the people in the northern United States who are currently going through this arctic blast that the Canadians dumped on us.
It reached 18 degrees today here in southern Delaware and a low tonight near 0.
I spent New Year’s Eve at a nearby bar hoping to ring in 2014 like many other people. The gameplan was to have a few drinks, watch the ball drop, use the men’s room and
steal borrow a roll of toilet paper, and go home and sleep. It didn’t quite go like that.
The bar was quite sparse when I was ready to ring in the New Year at 10:00AM. I’m drinking my usual Shirley-Temple-with-a-whiskey-sour-chaser when two couples walked into the bar and sat a few stools from me. They were quite loud, especially when it came to talking about politics.
The taller of the gentleman seemed to be smart. He was talking about the problems with the Affordable Health Care Act that nobody else seemed to be talking about. He mentioned that insurance might be lower for some, but having insurance was no guarantee that a given claim will be processed in the claimant’s favor. Even if the claim was accepted, most insurance policies only cover 80% of the cost of the procedure, leaving 20% to the claimant. If a patient is going to require an extended hospital stay, he or she will still have to pay over $10,000 after the insurance pays for its portion.
The tall guy starts yelling at the other couple because they voted for Barack Obama. He then went into a rant about there being only one candidate worth voting for and he quit. He then explained to them about my “Apple-a-Day” health care plan and my plan to save the humpback dolphins in Lake Michigan.
I was fortunate that he did not recognize me. I did not quit running for President; I suspended my campaign until I had the time to straighten out the personal matters in my life. (Or until people started getting furious that I wasn’t out there campaigning.) The good news is that I have resumed campaigning and will be making campaign stops soon. I’ll have to put my personal life on hold (which I will do as soon as I remember to buy the batteries for my father’s “Life Alert” button.
The Ahmnodt Heare for President campaign is suspended until further notice. More information will be given out in a speech he will be giving this weekend.
The more I hear about the Affordable Health Care Plan, the more unaffordable it is becoming. It seems to be the old switcheroo with health care becoming affordable by making health insurance more expensive.
I have written extensively on health care in the past. I was mocked by many by my mandating “An Apple a Day” for every American. Before you resume mocking me, let me point out that a whole year of mandated apples costs less than one month of mandated ObamaCare insurance.
The biggest difference between my plan and other plans is that the other plans only take effect once you fall ill. My plan makes sure you don’t get ill and that you have more time for productive things like work and playing Words with Friends on Facebook.
I will be answering questions that you have about my health care policies Saturday Night at 11:00PM EDT on Blogtalk Radio. Other topics include my new campaign strategies and highlights from my campaign stop in Rehoboth Beach, DE. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.
I haven’t given a campaign speech in a few months. The best thing to prepare for something is to practice what you want to do until it is done correctly.
It was a beautiful day for a trip to the park. I went to an area where nobody was around and started campaigning to a squirrel. My confidence became shaken when the squirrel ran off and ran into traffic. Fortunately, the squirrel was able to cross the street unscathed. On the southern section of the park was a statue of a guy who looked like Cosmo Kramer, (It was supposed to be a Civil War hero, but he looked more like Michael Richards than someone who led an army.) The statue stayed for my entire speech.
I went to a local bar and watched the news whilst nursing a root beer. A young patron in his early 20′s asked me how I felt about the designated hitter rule. I said I was against it and would abolish it if I was elected President. He also hates the DH rule, but wanted to ask me why I was against it. My reason goes back to my days in Little League. I was a pitcher and wanted to bat. The coach said that pitchers weren’t allowed to hit in the league and that the other team’s pitcher wasn’t allowed to bat. Everybody else who played in the field was allowed to hit, why not me? Six runs later, my pitching was done for the day. Not being allowed to bat affected my pitching to the point that I did not want to pitch any more.. I didn’t get to play in the field too often because all of the other positions were filled.
He was so impressed with my story that he invited me over to his house on Sunday to watch football with him and his father. His father likes the DH, but he thinks that I made a strong argument to get rid of it. He wants to join my campaign though he does not the President should not have the power whether or not there should be a designated hitter in baseball. He makes a good point, but Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig irks me and it seems like he is trying to shove the DH down the throats of baseballs everywhere. This has to stop somehow, even if it means occasionally doing more than I should.
After six months of an endless array of delays, I am finally back on track and I can finally resume campaigning (I think). I have finally settled into my home in Delaware and can get back to whatever it is I do.
My first campaign stop is next Monday in Georgetown, Delaware. My campaign manager is currently looking at a good place to campaign. It shouldn’t be too hard because it is a small town. But the way this year has gone, the only sure thing is that there is no sure thing.
I have received some harsh criticism for my comments about how I would have handled the government shutdown. Contrary to rumors, i did not lock my parents in the closet all night. I let them out in time to watch the 11:00 news. Don’t worry though. When we go through this again in three months, I will continue to say I would do a better job. If I didn’t think I could do a better job, then there would be no point in running for President.