Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

Not So Fast!

I have been the victim of the latest rumor going around the internet:

Rumors of presidential candidate Ahmnodt Heare's death will hopefully be silenced.

Rumors of presidential candidate Ahmnodt Heare’s death will hopefully be silenced.

My whereabouts the last two weeks:

July 18-20 – New York campaign trip:  Never hire an anarchist to be your campaign manager if you can help it.  The only reason why I did was because he works for free (which is about all I can afford.)  He got the dates and the venues mixed up.  The one bright spot was when a supporter recognized me and said that he voted for me.

July 21 – Chester, PA – Car died:  It had rained Sunday and I drove with my headlights on, only forgetting to turn them off when I got out of the car.

July 22-26 – Seaford, DE:  I was running my business so I can buy luxuries like food and clean underwear.

July 27-29 – Annapolis, MD – I was driving on my way to Baltimore for a dinner date when my car ran out of gas.  It was soon afterwards that I realized that I left my wallet at home and had no money for gas. (Or date, toll bridge on the way back, or the spotted dick pudding my mother wanted me to pick up on my way home.  My cell phone died when I tried to call home.  It took a few days to find a Good Samaritan.

July 30-August 2 – Seaford, DE: Some work and some rest.

August 3 -Nanticoke River (near Seaford, DE):  I went rafting in an inflatable raft.  While my raft did collide with another inflatable raft, there were no injuries nor was there any damage to either raft.

August 4 – Seaford, DE: Trying to convince people who were paying their last respects that I was indeed still alive and not a clever campaign strategy to campaign to dead people by being dead.

I am alive.  I am a bit tired, but well.  Tomorrow will be spent looking for finding places for meet-and-greets in southern Delaware and eastern Maryland (East of the Chesapeake Bay.)

August 4, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

New York Campaign Stops

I will be hitting the road tomorrow and will be spending the weekend campaigning in the Lower Hudson Valley section (West of the Hudson).  Tomorrow night is technically not a campaign stop, but I will be attending a fundraiser for victims of spousal and parental abuse.  Spousal abuse is not one of those topics that is controversial.  People are either against it or they are the perpetrators.

Saturday morning will be spent at a street corner somewhere in Marlboro, NY where I will be unveiling my new contraception plan.  The Supreme Court recently ruled that Hobby Lobby (and other companies) are not obligated to provide medical coverage for contraception.  My plan is to have contraception drop-off sites and give the contraception to people who have been complaining about the ruling.  These people need contraception and we need to give them contraception because the last need we need is for these people reproducing.

There will be two stops on Saturday evening.  The first stop will be at the Hudson Water Club in West Haverstraw, NY.  I will give a speech on water pollution and how to clean up the Hudson River.  I will have the filter from my fish tank  ready as soon as I can find an extension cord to plug the filter so it can operate.  (There are no outlets in the Hudson River as far as I know.)  The second will be at the Lexington Bar and Grill in Bardonia.  I will either offer a sensible property tax plan or I will offer advice on how to move out of the area.  What I speak about depends on the mood of the crowd.  If they start lighting torches and moving towards me, I will change the subject.

I will be in Nanuet on Sunday morning, but only to pick up the world famous rolls from Rockland Bakery.  They deliver rolls from New England to Delaware.  My campaign manager swears by them, so I will do him a favor and pick him up some rolls.

July 17, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off

ObamaCare – Worse Than I Thought

I have been a harsh critic of the Affordable Care Act (known in the streets as “ObamaCare”).  It was bad enough when I unable to keep my current plan (which was “none”).  I found out firsthand how bad ObamaCare is getting when I went to visit my doctor for what was supposed to be a routine blood sampling.

Below is the timeline of my time at the doctor’s office:  (Time entries in bold are entries spent in the office.  Other entries are before and after the visit.)

7/8/14 – 9:00PM – Finished my last snack and started fasting for the blood work.  Fasting is supposed to last twelve hours.

7/9/14 = 9:15AM – Arrive at doctor’s office for a 9:30 appointment.

7/9/14 – 9:30AM – Scheduled time of appointment

7/9 = 9:30-10:15 – Other patients with appointments between 9:30 and 10:00 arrive.

7/9 = 9:40-10:30 – Those mentioned above got to see the doctor.

7/9 = 10:45 – I finally got admitted.

7/9 – 11:00 – Health assistant starts performing total checkup.  (I had my checkup in January and was not scheduled for a checkup). Started developing a caffeine-depleted headache.

7/9 – 11:45 – Getting prepped for blood work.

7/9 – 12:00 –  Informed that my insurance will not pay for the blood work.  I decided that I would hold off on the blood work until I was sure I had the money to pay for the tests.  They took an impromptu urine sample. 

7/9 – 12:10PM – Tried to schedule another appointment.  The next free day is the middle of August. 

7/9 – 3:45PM – Received a phone call from the doctor’s office that there was a “loophole” and that there was a way that my insurance would pay for the blood work.  I was also informed that there was an opening tomorrow, but not until 3:00PM.

I now have to go through another 12-hour fast and I probably will not be able to eat or drink until at least 4:00PM.  I will probably get another headache.

July 9, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, health care, issues, Obama, Personal Life, satire | , , , , , , | Comments Off

For Those in Rio Going to the World Cup Final

I know the Final is not until a week from tomorrow.  But if you are going to that game (or the semi-final games between Argentina and the Netherlands or Germany and Brazil), then all I ask of you is this one little favor:

Fans are encouraged to show this sign to the TV camera. It does not matter which country you are rooting for or where you live.

July 5, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, humor, satire | , , , , , | Comments Off

Safe and Sound

Hurricane Lamar Alexander Arthur came and left southwestern Delaware with only rain (quite a bit) and wind (less than what comes out of a politician’s mouth), but no damage.  Everybody in the Heare household is safe and sound and we are all awaiting the fireworks show that is about to begin across the street.  It’s not the fireworks show that the town is having.  It’s the show my neighbors have when they have a barbecue or party and there is alcohol involved.  Hopefully, the police won’t have to come this time.

I will not be campaigning tomorrow, but I will try an impromptu campaign stop on Saturday somewhere on the Delmarva peninsula.

 

July 4, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt | , , , , , | Comments Off

Naming Hurricanes and Natural Disaster Prevention Reposts

NAMING HURRICANES

 

This was originally posted a few years ago.  It’s sad about people named Sandy, Katrina, and others constantly having their names associated with disasters.  Politicians love having things after them.  They have schools, post offices, parks, and streets named in their honor.  Why noy name a storm that does as much damage as their poor policies named after them?  Below are my original proposals for names.  They can be changed as new people get elected.  In order to show bipartisan fairness, there are two lists alternating between Democrats and Republicans.

  • The first tropical system will be named after Democrats in odd years and Republicans in even years.
  •  The names shall alternate between parties.
  • New names shall be used as old politicians retire or die.

Proposed Odd Year Names:

Akaka

Boehner

Clinton

Dole

Ellison

Foxx

Granholm

Hunter

Israel

Jindal

Kuchinich

Linder

Proposed Even Year Names:

Alexander

Biden

Crist

Dodd

Ensign

Feinstein

Guiliani

Hoyer

Inouye

Jackson

Kyl

Lautenberg

 

NATURAL DISASTER PREVENTION PROGRAM

Many politicians have come up with plans on what to do after a natural disaster happens.  They have plans (or should) for such disasters like hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, New Coke, and blizzards.  I believe I am the only presidential candidate who has a plan to prevent these disasters from happening to begin with.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  (Especially with a weak dollar.)  Here are some of my prevention plans:

  • Hurricane prevention – The time to attack hurricanes is before it develops to a tropical depression.  Send a bunch of fans up in the air via weather balloon.  Point the fans into the wind, turn them on, and the wind from the fans will cause enough sheer to prevent hurricanes from developing.
  • Tornadoes – Tornadoes often form along a front, starting off as a thunderstorm.  As soon as it starts to become a thunderstorm, drop anti-static sheets into the clouds from above.  This will absorb enough power from the storm clouds to discourage further development.  The worst you will have is light rain with a slight breeze.
  • Earthquakes – I am among those who believe that earthquakes are caused by abnormalities that occur in orbit.  I would send satellites in space to monitor the orbit and send information of any abnormalities so they can promptly be taken care of.
  • New Coke – In my defense, I was only 12 years old when it came out.  Much to Coca-Cola’s credit, they soon realized what a fiasco they had and went back to something closer to original Coke.  (The only difference I noticed was that the sugar was replaced with high fructose corn syrup.
  • Blizzards –  I like them and don’t want to do anything with them.  The secret to enjoying a blizzard is to stock up on hot chocolate, chicken soup, alcohol, and marshmallows.  Make sure you are home before the snow starts so you don’t get stuck in it like I always did last year.

Instead of spending billions of dollars fixing things that break during disasters, we should spent a few dollars making sure disasters don’t happen.  This will save the economy and leave you with more money for booze and munchies.

July 3, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, campaign, environment, humor | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My Solution to the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court Decision

The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Hobby Lobby in stating that Hobby Lobby did not have to provide coverage for contraception to their employees because they objected on religious grounds.  What needs to be done now is not bickering over whether the decision was the correct decision or not.  People who cannot afford contraception still need contraception.  My solution is to have a fundraiser and raise money so these people can have access to contraception.

It is important to make sure these people get contraception for two reasons: 1)If they cannot afford contraception, then they cannot afford raising a baby.  The more people needing help raising a baby, the greater the financial strain it will be for all Americans.  2)If they can’t figure out a way to get a few bucks for condoms or a few more bucks for the pill, then they’re probably not smart enough to figure out to hold their sexual urges as much as possible until things get better financially.

If there is enough positive response to this idea, I will set up a donation page sometime after the Fourth of July holiday weekend.

July 2, 2014 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, editorial, health care, humor, issues, satire | , , , , , , , | Comments Off

%d bloggers like this: