Ahmnodt Heare for President

Ahmnodt Heare For America… Ahmnodt Heare For You.

The Sandy Controversy

A lot of Hurricane Sandy doesn’t make sense, especially when compared to similar hurricanes that have gone up the Atlantic coastline in the past.  Here are a few reasons why I think Sandy is a manufactured storm created by the government:

  • Most hurricanes stay away from cold fronts.  Sandy is expected to make a head-on collision with a cold front currently in eastern Ohio.
  • The air temperature in the days before a hurricane is usually warmer than normal and the air is normally oppressively humid.  The temperature has been below normal for the last few days and the air isn’t very humid.
  • The unemployment rate in New Jersey is currently 9.8%.  The entire state is expected to be devastated by Sandy.  A lot of people will be needed with the cleanup and rebuilding.  A classic case of “Broken Windows Economics”.
  • Election Day is a week from Tuesday.  With all of these people getting jobs, the October jobs report to be released Friday morning will show an increase in employment (largely due to cleanup and restoration due to Sandy.)

Other “coincidences” include the hurricane making landfall during an astronomical high time.  There will be a prolonged saturation of rain and wind in an area that is already oversaturated by recent rains.  This will lead to downed trees and power lines, closed roads, and a prolonged period away from the nudie bar.

I’m not normally big on conspiracy theories, but I can’t help but think that this is president Obama’s “October Surprise” and that the Cinemafia was instrumental in helping Obama in a diabolical scheme to see that I do not get elected President.

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October 28, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, cinemafia, commentary, economy, humor, Obama, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Real Issues

American politicians are notorious for keeping voters engaged with issues that have nothing to do with the future of American lives.  They want to keep you preoccupied with non-issues like gay marriage and the “war” on women, but not that both parties have raised the debt and the war on people in the Middle East.  Ask your politician why he are she is avoiding these vital issues:

  • Health Care – Romney mandated health care insurance for Massachusetts.  Obama has mandated it for the other 49 states, the District of Columbia, and the U.S. Territories.  Nobody is addressing why it costs $20 for ONE Tylenol in a hospital when you can get 100 for under $10 in many supermarkets and department stores.  I think America would be better served with everybody having apple trees and keeping the doctor away (and the expense of going to the doctor.)
  • Jobs – Romney created a bunch of minimum-wage jobs for Staples.  Obama created jobs for green companies that would eventually go bankrupt and lay everybody off.  My plan would create jobs by giving bailout to companies who don’t need it so they can hire more people and pay the workers they already have more money.  It would also bail out companies that no longer exist by bring back all of those laid off workers back to their jobs.
  • Entertainment –  I am the only candidate who understands that Americans love to be entertained and that the price of entertainment is spiraling out of control.  No other candidate has addressed the cost of entertainment because they don’t care.

You can elect somebody like Obama, Romney, or anyone else who tells you what the issues are or you can elect someone (Ahmnodt Heare) who you tell what the issues are.  The choice is yours.

May 26, 2012 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, election, entertainment, health care, humor, issues, Obama, satire, War | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

One More Debate

If there is anything worse than the lack of quality Republican and Democratic Presidential candidates, it’s the lack of quality in Presidential debate moderators.  Tomorrow is another chance to be proven wrong.  There will be a debate on CNN tomorrow night at 8:00PM Eastern.  Once again, I will be taking my ever-sharpened debating skills to Twitter.  I don’t know why candidates have so many problems keeping their answers under one minute when I can keep my answers under 140 characters with hashtags added for effect.

I do not know who will be asking the questions on CNN, but here is a guideline they can use to look competent:

  • Know the issues that affect the voters – People don’t want to know how many wives Newt Gingrich has had or how much money Ahmnodt Heare pays for a lap dance.  They want the important issues:  Jobs, the economy, and affordable entertainment.
  • Realize that Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are not the only candidates on the stage.  Rick Santorum and Ron Paul are there too.  I doubt they are taking time out of their busy schedules to go watch Mitt and Newt debate.
  • Know something about the candidates on stage and use questions accordingly.  If you’re going to ask the business man questions about economics, wouldn’t it make sense to ask the OB/GYN questions about health care?  If I was debating, I would expect this former movie theater manager to be included in discussions about affordable entertainment.

If tomorrow night’s debate becomes yet another “Mitt and Newt Show” with a bunch of subjects that have nothing to do with running a country, I will take steps in getting people to boycott Time-Warner (CNN’s parent company).  This includes Time, Warner Brothers (whom I’m already boycotting – damned Cinemafiosos), and Time-Warner Cable.

I anticipate that CNN will remember what professional journalism is all about tomorrow night when they host the debate.  And that they will remember to include Buddy Roemer, Vermin Supreme, and Ahmnodt Heare in future debates so that Americans will have more choices (including a few that don’t suck.)

January 25, 2012 Posted by | commentary, debate, editorial, humor, issues, media, politics, satire | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on One More Debate

Debate Summary

I was a little slow towards the end of the debate and I apologize.  Forgive my bias, but I think I won the debate.

I will be commenting on President’s speech on jobs tomorrow at 7:00PM Eastern in a chat room on Facebook.  All are invited to attend and ask me questions.

September 7, 2011 Posted by | campaign, humor, Obama, Reagan Library Debate, speech | , , | Comments Off on Debate Summary

Slight Change of Plans

Forget the first poll I posted yesterday.  I will now be able to watch both the Republican debate and President Obama’s jobs speech live and comment on both in real time.  There are a few things I was wrong about the Republican Debate:

  • The debate will be held at the Ronald Reagan Library.  The library is in southern California, not South Carolina.  At least I knew it wasn’t in Idaho.
  • The debate will be carried by MSNBC.  I had previously mentioned that it would be carried by either Fox or the Cartoon Network Both networks are watched mostly by Republicans)

The second poll from yesterday is still valid.  Instead of having you check out the page again to find the poll, I will just repost it here:

Next Wednesday – Republican Debate  (8:00PM Eastern)

Next Thursday – President Obama’s Jobs Speech (7:30PM Eastern)

Next Friday – Ahmnodt Heare’s Summarizes the Debate and Jobs Speech (11:00PM Eastern)

September 1, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, debate, humor, Obama, politics, Republicans, speech | , | 1 Comment

Speech or Debate? (And Other Questions)

President Obama will be revealing his latest job plan next Wednesday at 8:00PM Eastern (5:00 PM Pacific).  At the same time, Republican presidential candidates will be debating in South Carolina (Or Idaho, I get those states confused.)  I will watch one live and summarize the other the following day in this blog.

As a man of the people, I will let the people choose which they want me to discuss live and which they prefer I summarize the following day.  Below are some poll questions that will help me make an informed decision.  The poll questions will include “other” as an option.  If you choose “other”, please reply in the comments of this blog as well as the question you are answering.

 

 

August 31, 2011 Posted by | Ahmnodt, commentary, humor, Obama, politics, Poll, Republicans, speech | , , , | Comments Off on Speech or Debate? (And Other Questions)

Sanctions #gopdebate

I would lift all sanctions.  We need to create jobs and export stuff.  We can’t have sanctions against everybody who disagrees with us.  I would even continue trade with Canada.

August 11, 2011 Posted by | Canada, commentary, debate, humor, Iowa GOP | , , , | Comments Off on Sanctions #gopdebate

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